I was wondering what anyone else thought about the OW getting pregnant on purpose. In my situation every time WS said he was coming back to me she all of a sudden is pregnant. She really was (lost the 1st one), and now she's pregnant again supposedly from WS again. It is so obvious to me this was done on purpose because of all the guys she was with it didn't happen until WS came along? She has 2 kids from her husband. I mean if you are not using birth control then isn't it obvious you want to get pregnant to keep someone else's man? Is WS too blind to see this? I know the fog is thick but we are talking about an innocent child here. How sick is that to use a child to keep a man. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Do these little games work in the end? Any comments?

Cyn,

I know the OW got pg. on purpose, actually think they BOTH planned it. I couldn't have kids.

And yes the stupid witch thought my H would stay w/ her but he didn't, so now she is being a real pain in the [censored].

She may very well have him in the end, cuz I am just about thru with all this.

I know our OW planned to get preg. She knew H was coming home and she was pissed. She figured I would kick him out again and he would come running to her. Well it didn't happen ! And what kills me is these women wanted all up in our lives and NOW we can't be around the OC? Give me a Freaking break! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> They choose to make us STEP MOMS and didn't ask us anything about it, before it happened. And now tell us that we can't be around them. Who do they think are taking care of these children while the men get vistitations?
We are the bad people? For what keeping our family together and accepting a MISTAKE, that our H trusted these women. Yes the H should have said no, maybe the BS had something to do w/the H going else where for COMPANIONSHIP! BUT NOT A BABY! And the OW get tired of being the side lines and wanted to really see how these lying men care for them also, and so they produce a child who didn't ask to be here and will one day to grow up knowing that the MOM was a hoe-dog, and the STEP MOM accepted them and loved them and didn't hold them resposible for their sperm donors dad's mistake and their mothers attempt to destroy someones life. It kills me to know that the OW think our H are soooo honest w/ them and we are the only ones being lied too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> If they had more pride in themselves as to lay down w/ someone who already has a family, and just wants to the center of attention. Our H did wrong yes but the OW are more wrong for not saying no also. If they (OW) would have some kind of pride in themselves and say no, its not right, get a D if your not happy and then we can talk. I'm tires of the OW blaming the BS for "not taking care of her H" while the OW should have been taken care of her own business. This really kills me though when they don't want BS around these OC ! If we choose to have contact and the sperm donor is living up to his mistake, then, shut up and kiss it. We (BS) didn't ask for it, the OW put us here so they should just live w/it. Boy I feel better now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Sorry for venting, it did feel good though! Thanks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Wow Sunny,

I feel better too now. Tell it like it is girl! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well said Sunnydale!
My OW is married and has 2 kids of her own she can't take care of. The 1st time she got pregnant she and WS only knew each other about 6 weeks. He told her it was over and 3 days later she's pg. OKay. Then they get in a fight and he goes to jail for 6 months. She starts it and lies and says WS beat her up (I knew that was a lie) and then cries when he goes to jail. Meanwhile she looses the OC and blames me for it. Whatever, I avoided her like the plague she is. Well WS gets out of jail and is still seeing her but then he tells me he still loves me and it's over with her and guess what, she's pg. again. Then she tells WS if he leaves he'll never see his f***** kid again. So now he is living with her and they are one big happy little family. Yeah, OW is a vindictive bar w**** who could have gotten any guy she wanted that 'was' available but that wasn't good enough. Then she has the nerve to tell me she feels so bad for the way WS treats me. She's so concerned about my feelings. Where was my concern when she was having sex my man? And if they were so much in love then why did she have to get pg. right away,
what to make sure he doesn't leave her? What a low life s***. She's been with other guys but WS is so far in the fog he can't see it. What a loser she is.

I don't know how many OW really get pg on purpose but....H could have tried a lot harder NOT to ON PURPOSE! That much I know.

How many stories do you read where MM/BW were done having kids/trying to get pg themselves/ or lost their own child? It's all so tragic all around.

I had wanted to get pg for a long time but knew we could not afford it and it was just not a good time for/between us, I was meticulous w/ the birth control! I WAS RESPONSIBLE! Then, just when I think we are going to be able to start trying to get pg, H comes w/ this devastating news. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

The bottom line is STOW steal a LOT more than BW H! They steal their entire lives! Then when OC comes they steal BC father and steal from the family by demanding MM support this "unplanned" child financially!

It's all so tragic and STOW don't understand, don't want to and don't care.

We actually care about OC but never would a STOW care about BC.

STOW only bad-mouth the man they tried so hard to get and when it's not their way the MM is a liar! uh hello? and who did you THINK you were having sex with? then what does that make STOW? Then when MM decides to correct his life---he's a selfish liar! When plans don't include OC?----he's an abandoning selfish liar! And if plans include OC but NOT STOW?---he's now only doing it to lower his CS!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Whatever! Sisters......What have we done to ourselves? When did it become ok to have sex w/ another's H? Must have been the day after it was ok to steal your friend's BF in highschool! NOTHING IS SACRED anymore!

Then to follow by harrassing an entire family and demanding financial support to the detriment of an entire family???? How do STOW live w/ themselves? I guess it's easy when you are only thinking of yourself and yourself is very well taken care of! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Well, I am glad I at least survive w/ my H, marriage and family intact! I know my H is not the man he used to be no matter what STOW has to say and no matter how she tries to "prove" him a liar time and time again. I've ALWAYS known him, in and OUT of bed! He WAS a liar, yes I already know that, he wasn't when I married him though and he is not now. STOW get involved w/ a liar from the start and they KNOW it. It's funny Mm is only a liar when involved w/ STOW. Interesting don't you think? And STOW think they bring out the best of him! hahahahahahaha LOL

Realistically, how many of you KNEW that your H would be having sex w/ someone else when you got married? And if you did would you have married the guy? I don't think so. But STOW KNOW this to be the case and are allright w/ it

Anyone who reads this and is a FWS, please don't be offended because this is not about you, it is about the people who are STILL caught up in the madness and unreality of it all. I don't believe any FWS here is still like this, most that I know of around here are changed people and trying to do the right thing and make the best of the situation. I know this and understand completely since I am married to a FWS!

Well me and my H have chosen C. I don't wont my D to not know this child. So many of my friends and people they know have been there, not meeting thier siblings til adulthood. My marraiage is getting stronger. And I don't think C is going to be the reason my M doesn't make it. The child is not to blame and my H is not the type of person that will turn his back and not know this kid. I've excepted it and we will go on. I love kids and stayed home w/ mine when they where little, and enjoyed it to a tee. I would even do custody if we could because our home is so much more stable than hers. She even told me she would even the odds w/ me having my D. But it didn't change anything. The only way she gets him is if I let him go. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Not saying all OW are this way but the ones I've run into here are. Our OW still thinks I might kick him out and take everything so she can pick the poor soul up and take care of him. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I will be at the hospital and she's got 6 months to get ready. My friend said I was brain damaged sometimes cause I told her it was a part of him and therefore its a part of me. We are one in Gods eyes thats how I get to that. I don't care about the OW feelings, never have, never will. She made her bed, so now she can roll around in the mud in her pitiful life of being alone. We will have this kid skiing before its two. LOL We are learning that family time is the best time and need more of it. We stay on the water. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I thank everyone here that has helped me get to this point and being as strong as I am and for learning to finally take up for myself. I did help tear my marriage down, it's not my fault he was the weekest link and just hid behind a hoe- dog that has wanted my life for 13 years! God, girl go on and get your own. I might not the best looking thing, I might not wear a 1, but God has made me special in so many other ways. I have an outstanding personality and I not lazy, I'm some what of a clean freak, I love going and doing things, even now like not sticking to the same routine. Life is good and God makes it that way I just had to learn how to grab it and take off w/ it. I'm the only one that can get up and wipe off and get my life together as long as I feel that it is Gods will for me. He gave us a brain, heart, and feet, to walk when he lets us know when we need to. I'm not out of the woods yet. I still don't know what tomorrow will bring. But I am keeping my eyes on him and with him anything is possible and my life, if I'm w/ my H than GREAT and if not then, God has bigger and better things for me ahead. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Yes it will hurt, <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> and no I'm not getting any younger, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> but I w/ his and your help have gotten so much stronger. THANK YOU <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I thought you and H were going to be on a cruise when OC was due to be born? I still think you should.

Follow some of the guidelines I have told others about C w/ OC right from the beginning so that the boudaries and patterns will be set.

Don't let OW bully you and play games using OC!

Good for you sunny, take care of your man, yourself, yoru family and your marriage---you will make it, we will make it.

Hey I think I see a trend here. DO you think that couples who spend major time alone together do better in their recovery and healing then those who don't? I am going to start a new thread on that topic. So you can answer there if you want.

In my case OW knew we were trying to have a baby. We had lost a child years ago and she knew this also. Seems strange don't you think that as soon as she knows these things then she's pregnant. What a s***. My life gets torn to shreads because she gets pregnant on purpose and takes away my chance for a child (WS is with her).
What a low life w****. I can only hope WS sees her for the lier and cheat she really is. Poor OC will suffer. Yeah, what a good mother.

Yes, some OW do get pregnant on purpose. I'll admitt to being one of them. It was planned by both Xmm and I. Not a well though out one.

I wish you the best of luck in your situation.

The OW in our life knew from the beginning of their affair that my husband had always wanted a son. Unfortunately, I was only able to give him a daughter, and due to some medical problems, I decided to have my tubes cut and burnt. Only to find out later that I probably could have had another child.

So, anyway, the OW is telling my husband that she's pregnant now (long story...see my post "Any thoughts on this?") and she's constantly emailing him saying "our baby" or "our SON" is due in October. Like he's just supposed to walk out on me and go live with her because she's having "his son"?

Yeah....the OW just loves to pull at his heartstrings, doesn't she? He's not buying it though, so her little plan of entrapment isn't working like she had hoped.

Honestly, I'm not sure if the OW is pregnant or not. She's lied to my husband, and then to me, over and over. I wonder what the magical month of June will reveal....she's either pregnant and "showing", or she's lying again. I hope she doesn't break tradition and is lying again this time, you know?

The Ex-ow in our case admitted to me that she got pg on purpose as in "if I can't have him, I'll have a piece of him forever" kind of thing as well as "one day, he'll change his mind" kind of thing....

I hope by now, almost four years later, she gets the hint that we still desire no contact and we pay our financial obligation and that's it.

She chose to bring her child in this world as a single mother, she can explain to the child why bio-dad/sperm donor isn't in the picture.

No contact works for us and it was decided by Mr."T" long before I even found out about the oc.

I feel sorry for the child, she's a beautiful child (saw a picture that the ex-ow e-mailed me) but for us, it's best for all children involved, that there be no contact. IF or WHEN OC decides to come knocking on our door in the great big beyond...we'll be ready and we'll tell her the truth from our side of it. Then she can decide for herself what the deal is.

Twiisty

I think sometimes yes and sometimes no.
But I will say that after 6 years I have finally accepted that ultimatly it was H's stupidity that has put us in this situation.

I agree with you Jtigger...
Mr."T" has paid dearly for his stupidity and ultimately it was his choice to dally.

Well said!
Twiisty

Of course they get pregnant on purpose. Birth Control has been around for ages. Also, since it is the womans body who gets pregnant, if you didn't want a baby, you would be on birth control. There is no excuse whatsoever. Not unless a woman has had a hysterectomy, or her tubes tied, or has been declared sterile by a competent doctor, should she NOT be on birth control IF SHE ISN'T PLANNING ON GETTING PREGNANT.

How many times do we read/hear "well I had a bad miscarraige and blah blah blah..." Or here is my favorite "well he didn't wear a condom..." certainly placing the blame on anyone but herself.

So yes. Any woman who gets pregnant in this day and age is planning on it. No doubt about it. There is no excuse in this day and age for any accidents. It is simplistic and naive to believe otherwise. Consider the source.

Good for you Sunny. You decide what and how you and your husband want to deal with this. It is none of ow business is it? As for being at the birth, wow. I would make sure he goes nowhere near the ow or the room. Have them bring the baby out and be introduced to both of you at the same time. Ignore the ow totally! Treat her as the non important thing that she is. Always put you and your husbands needs above hers. Remember that what she wants makes little difference to you!

You sound great! I knew you would be fine. Once the shock wears off, and the hubby is bending over backward ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) and is proving that you mean everything to him, working it out just takes time. Let him woo you and romance you and love you up. Let him win you back....sit back and enjoy all the efforts!!!!! Intimacy, (not just sex) but intimacy is what saves a marriage. By deciding to work it out, leaves ow in the dust as the mistake she is. Good for you!!!! You are going to have a bright and promising future full of love and laughter. Keep it that way. Don't let the pregnant old cow have a say in how your days and future are!! She may be the vessel that carried the child, but she is nothing but a petri dish as far as you need to be concerned!!!

If you are going for contact, get a good attorney and listen to KT. Get it all in writing and make sure the attorney is the right one. You need to find the nastiest divorce attorney in your area and go from there. Interview them and find one that fits. Never go for the cheapest, they are that for a reason. Spell out exactly what it is that YOU and YOUR husband want. Do not give any thought or credence to what ow might need. She doesn't matter. Then go for it. But understand that you will win some and lose some. Stay firm. Personally, if it were me, I would demand that a 3rd party be involved with the handoff of the child. Pain in the butt, but certainly puts ow off the map as far as your family is concerned. Pretty much lets her know that SHE is not part of your little family. Oc may be a part of it, when s/he is there, but OW isn't. Start out tough and hard. Be forcefull and firm. Over time you may loosen things, but early on, set firm, clear and concise lines that are not to be crossed. Example. If OC gets a cold, she is NOT to call your home, husband, etc. She is to have her attorney contact you. This serves two purposes. 1. She is learning that she is to stay out of your lives. 2. She has to pay an attorney everytime she talks to one. It will make her think twice about calling your home/husband for every little thing. They like to think of the sperm donor as somehow the "man of the house" which he is not. Set up those guidelines that you need and want and go from there. If she grows up and moves on with her life, you can revisit those rules later. But early on, be tough and firm.

So yes. Any woman who gets pregnant in this day and age is planning on it. No doubt about it. There is no excuse in this day and age for any accidents. It is simplistic and naive to believe otherwise.
The man is also out to have babies with the ow. After all, he is not doing it for the sex and it is simplistic and naive to believe otherwise.

Get real...

I agree with you Chris. My H has never worn protection, even before we were married, or after.
The difference is I did not want to get pregnant. OW did. My H even admitted he knew she was not on any type BC. In this respect, at least they both told the truth.

Women, since 1966, could finally get BC. There is no such thing as an "accident". My OW admitted she wanted my H's children.

I could maybe see one accident, but two? Never. My H has two OC's.

So, I guess my opinion is that the OW does get pregnant on purpose. Even if it is subconsciously.

This is only my opinion.

ember

Yes, the attorney is from what I heard a good one. We are planning to go sometime is july. The OC is due in sept. The Ow maybe is realizing that she didn't and doesn't make a difference and neither does this OC. I made up my mind she is not going to run me or control any aspect of my life. We are going to get drop/off-pick/up at the daycare. Unless we have like sat only for a couple hours visits since it will be a new born don't know yet. But thats where we are headed. She is scum and my H (I think ) fog is lifting. I owe a lot to our friends for their help in lifting the fog too. But we are not out of the woods yet, the OC hasn't arrived yet. I'm sure when it gets here a whole nother can of worms will be opened. But God don't give you anything we can't handle so I will deal w/ it and be a better person because of it. I'm out of town now so everyone be good and I will talk back at you monday.

I was being sarcastic.
Just because you do not use birth control does not mean you are planning on getting pregnant.

There is no such thing as an "accident".
True. But there is such a thing as irresponsibility.
Some pregnancies are planned, some are "schemed" by the ow and some happen because both parties were just too irresponsible (stupid) to care/worry about birth control.

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 10:07 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Chris, I again agree with you. My H was in love and lust with her. I don't think birth control was an issue. It was "stupid".

I am in recovery for several years now.

How are you doing on your marriage?

ember