WS is living with OW and she is expecting OC (I'm not convinced it's his) in late July, early August. When you talk to WS should you bring up the subject? I certainly don't want to hear about it, she got pregnant on purpose. And if WS talks about it what are you supposed to say? He knows how I feel about "her" and the baby.

When I found out about OW being pg. my H went to live w/ her, I didn't know about any of the MB principles so I did all the wrong things I think, I didn't really ask about her or the baby, have to admit I secretly wished she would miscarry I am ashamed to say. I mainly talked about $ & us if there was going to be an us.

Knowing what I know now I would have done Plan B, & saved myself a lot of heartache. Once the baby was born I was constantly asking how much time he was going to spend there before he came home, since it was understood by all parties that his living w/ OW was only for the last months of the pg. & few months after the baby was born, so I was pretty off the hook as far as asking about them both after the birth.

I am not suggesting you do this - but I could have spared myself so much pain w/ a solid PB during those 8 months.

I wish OW would misscarry as well. She did the first time (yes, she did this twice on purpose). I sincerely have doubts whether this baby is even his. Her husband was in town right around the time she got pregnant. She was also messing around with other guys too although WS won't admit it. Right now WS & her live about 90 miles away so I don't have to see them together. However that doesn't stop the pain or the knowledge that she's having the child I always wanted. I truly hate her. Ws calls every week or so and I "never" mention her. The sound of her name makes me sick!

Cyn,

Do you think your H will ask for DNA? I am praying that the baby is not his. I am so sorry you have to go thru this, no woman should have to, but we can't control this situation. It is helpful that you don't have to see them. I never saw my H w/ OW either but knowing he was living w/ her & her kids was still very painful.

Are you thinking of doing a Plan B at all?

I doubt he will seek a DNA test because he is so far in the fog he can't breathe. His parents want one as they trust OW as much as I do. I pray this baby isn't his and yes sometimes I pray she'd misscarry. It would be better anyway as she's been smoking crack and doing other drugs while pregnant. This poor kid hasn't got a chance either way. I miss WS so much and the fact they are so far away doesn't make the pain any less.

Cyn,

That is so terrible, if OW is doing drugs most likely this baby will be addicted when born, isn't your H concerned about that at all?

When you talk to him do you two talk about him coming home at all & trying to repair your M?
Just wondering what you are planning on doing, or if you even have a plan right now?

Yes WS is concerned in a way. I hardly ever talk to him anymore. Part of me feels that he has to stay with her for that reason (drugs) because the baby will have nothing without him. At one point he did mention that maybe she'd misscarry. I think he feels responsible for the whole mess and it's easier to stay than go. I also feel he doesn't want a DNA test because he will look like a fool if the baby isn't his. I have heard that he is currently drinking heavily himself. Probably to numb the pain. Maybe if the baby is born addicted the state will take it away and give them both a wake up call.

Cyn,

I am very sorry for your pain. I am praying for you and hope that H will come out of it and snap back into reality and know that you are his wife. By being the wife you are the one he should cling to.

My prayers are with you.

----------------------

JT

Hi,

I had a similiar thing happen except my husband stayed with me. The sick thing is shortly after I found out about the affair I found out she was pregnant by my man. I am not sure that it is his either but he insists that it is his. He wants to be a part of the babies life. He stayed with me claiming the affair was over, that he did not love her and that he only talked to her for the baby's sake. It hurts that he made love to her and just had sex with me to make it look good. I knew something was wrong long before I found out because a closeness was gone between us. A month after he said it was over, she called my house complaining that he failed to show up for a date with her. She preceded to cuzz him out with both of us on the phone. She wanted me to know he was still seeing her. She wants to break us up. Yet he tells me she is lying and just wants him for herself. She once stated that he told her he could not give either of us up. She said her desire for him was too strong and she could not give him up even though she knew he was with me. Further he lyed and told me he was going to visit his Mom in another state. Instead he took her to her parents 3 hours a way he claims. He spent the night there and claims to have slept on the floor. He said he took her home because she would not leave him alone. He says he loves me. He does plan to be a part of his childs life. He says I cannot go because the other woman would not let him see his child if I go. That is the part I do not feel I can take. I do not know if I can trust him to go to her alone in another town after all the lying.

Genia,
Sounds like our OW is like mine. A mean selfish w**** who doesn't care who she hurts. Also it sounds like WS is still very deep in the fog. It hurts so bad when OC is involved. Sometimes I find myself wishing OW would misscarry. She has two kids of her own she can't take care of, and is still married herself. Hang in there.

Hi Cyn,

I also hoped other woman would miscarriage too. You are not alone. I feel bad that your husband decided to live with other woman. However, maybe it is better. I felt really sick to my stomach that my husband did the back and forth thing. He says he will not be running to see the child all the time. I can accept the other child. I just cannot accept him seeing her all the time. I do not really know how often he means. He seems irritated any time I talk about her or the other child. I am just waiting till the child is born to see how often he want to go see her and the child without me. If it is too much for me emotionally, I will just bail out. I hope your husband will see how unreliable this other woman is and come back to you. The other woman in our life also had two children whom she lost. If that came up I would not have a problem offering a home to her child and I would love it as my own. I did want to give my husband a child but did not have money to pay to have my tubes untied.

Feeling your pain.

Genia

Genia,

I think I am following your story but I am not sure. You H sounds like mine. He wants to be with you but wants this C with OC to be just him and OW. That is not fair to you. If you are there weathering this storm with him then you should be part of OC's life too. You should not have to sit back as he visits with OC and OW. Pls look at my thread to Stacia and others, I think I go into detail about what my H wants and how I feel it's not right. There is some good advice to me in there.

Cyn, I feel so bad for you. My H moved in with OW before there ever was an OC. It lasted for a few months and it hurt so badly, I had to drive past the apt everyday on my way to work. I found out by snooping, my H did not have the nerve to tell me. Anyway, my heart goes out to you and I hope your H comes around soon. Plan B him during this time apart. I never did a good Plan B or when I did I did not do it long enough. That was a big mistake. Please hang in there.

Hi Cyn,

I still feel for you. It seems for me things just keep getting worse. We argued Mothers Day Weekend because I found out he called other woman from his Cell Phone and the number was in the Address book. The name came up when I used his cell phone and hit the button for most recent calls. I was with him so I did not have time to catch the number but I saw her name. We had an argument this weekend because he caught me checking the cell phone bill to see if there was an out of town number where he claimed she was. There was not. I cannot meet his needs too good right now because I do not even want him touching me because of all his lies. I may have to move to plan B. I hope it works for you. You are right on target about him wanting it to be just him, other woman and other child. I am just suppose to trust him after all the lies? He does not understand that it would take a long time for me to trust him, but first he needs to stop lying. Oh I would not think that you should ask how other woman is doing. I won't. I hope my husband does not go with her and hold her hand during labor. She does not deserve that because she got pregnant on purpose to try and keep my husband for herself, only in my situation he does not love her. If he did, he would be with her. So if our relationship ends he will probably go on to somebody else. Lord help them. He will have child support for 4 children so they cannot hope for any financial support.

Hi LuvMyFamily,

I am sorry, I meant the last post for you and for Cyn. I read the thread you asked me too. Now I see we have a lot in common. Except you have more tyed up in your husband. I have no children by mine but I did love him. I think mine wants to go to the hospital when the other woman delivers too. I have two childen from a previous marriage which was abusive. I totally agree with you, I do not think the other woman deserves the bonding time of a man coming to the delivery room to help her through delivery. My husband insists that the baby is his. He does not even want a DNA test. Why? I think he cares about her feelings and how she will feel about a DNA test. He claims to be her friend but not in love with her. After reading all the responses to your thread I am beginning to feel that divorce is our only option except we are common law so I probably just got to kick him out of my house. Except, if he does not want to leave it could take me a while to get him out. Is that the case. I broke it off with him once and because he threatened to hit me I was able to have the police remove him. He was on drugs then, he is clean now. I took him back because he was clean.

WS wants to be a father so bad. OW used this information for her own benefit because she's a s***. WS was in an awful car accident and the first thing OW wanted to know is if he could talk plain enough to give his boss permission for her to pick up his last pay check. (Had broken his jaw in 5 places). Now that's love. WS doesn't want a DNA test because he's afraid of looking like a fool if C isn't his. While he was in the hospital and would bring up OW & OC I just ignored him or didn't respond to his comments. He asked me to stay with him while he was there. I guess I should feel at least greatful for that.

Genia,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hi LuvMyFamily, I am sorry, I meant the last post for you and for Cyn </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No worries.

Depending on what state and how long you have been common law, you may be considered married. Some states recognize Common Law Marriages. I do not know which ones so you would have to look into that.

Cyn,
You said WS wants to be a father so badly. Then he needs to have a DNA because I don't think he would want to be a father to a child that is not his.

Hugs to both of you.

Hi Cyn,

I am so sorry about your husband being so insensitive. He should see who really loves him by the person who is by his side in his illness. You and I both are givers, and our husbands are takers. I just hope your husband will wake up and realize the jewel that you are before it is too late. I do not think that mine will.

Good Luck!!!

Genia,
I hope you are right. WS's think OW love them but they can't see through the fog and see the lying and manipulations for what they are. We love WS so very much and have proved it so many times.

I hate OW. Never thought I'd ever hate anyone until she came into my life. I don't even want to hear her name much less about her child.

Hi Cyn,

My feelings exactly. Other woman's name makes me so emotional in a negative way. Maybe that is why WH lies so much. He tried to be honest telling me when he went to the hospital with her one time. I probably overreacted. He has not told me anything since unless I find out. Then he tries to sugar-coat it. He once told me other woman was better than me when he was thinking of leaving. It hurt so much. It is so hard because you feel sick in your stomach and it is so hard to believe you love somebody so much that hurts you so much. But you hate the other woman so much that you feel like if you give in then she won and you do not want that.

I can't believe all the crap WS puts us through and then has the nerve to defend OW. Like she is so innocent. Anyone who uses a child to try and keep someone is sick. I never want to hear her name or see her child. WS has hurt me so much and the sad part is I still love him with all my heart and soul. OW only cares for herself. Wish WS would wake up and see this before it's too late.