Hi,

I was thinking of going through cell phone bill and calling all unfamiliar numbers to find other woman and find out if he is still seeing her. But what if he is not? Am I out of line? He told me she was in a certain town. There were no numbers on cell phone bill for that town. What should I do. I hate to think I could be having sex with a man who is having sex with somebody else. Can anybody think of a reason I should not try and find her and find out if they are still seeing each other? Husband would be angry but I can't stand not knowing and I do not think he is being honest with me.

<small>[ May 24, 2004, 12:50 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

No you shouldn't call her!!! She is only going to tell you things to hurt you. Trust me, been there, done that. They will lie to you quicker than H did!! She will only put doubt in your mind. And enjoy every min. of it. They want you to be mad and they want you to fight w/H. That way your just the same ole B. And the OW is just so understanding and he will have to chose which one is telling him the truth about how the conversation went. If there are no numbers in the town she lives, then I would let it go. Don't put blinders on, but also don't make H think he is not worthy of trust and forgiveness, like you said he was. Its very hard not to want to look and check up on everything they do, but tread lightly. You would be LB'ing if you get caught. If you suspect, can you not just ask him? And what makes you think he's still seeing her? Just couriuos.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

I am not sure,
Letter to husband gives more background although I got few responses. He is still protecting her, will not give me her last name. I seen her name on his cell phone when I borrowed while I was with him. Did not have time to catch number. Just inconsistent. He spent the night away from me to take her to her parents. Slept on floor he claimed. No numbers on cell phone bill to that town where she is suppose to be. He did admit to calling her. There was only one out of town number on bill I did not know. It was not to that town where he claimed she is. Is she in town then and he wants me to beleive she is out of town. Did he have a high time with her in the hotel when he claimed to be taking her to her parent. By the way husband tried to cover by telling me he was visiting his Mom. I found out by calling his Mom. He confessed when I confronted him but did he just tell me a half truth?

I moved topic to general questions II since there are more people thier. Even though other woman is pregnant, this mostly has to do with whether affair is over or not.

Do not call OW. It will only make you upset as you can never believe what they tell you anyway. They will lie and try to hurt you so you back off from WS and then they have you right where they want you. Trust me I have been there and I regret even knowing what OW looks like. Yuck!

True there, I met other woman too. I thought we agreed that we did not want to share. then she kept right on seeing him while he told me it was over. How will I ever know? What if I just call numbers anonomously on cell phone bill asking for her by first name just to find out if she is still in town or out of town as my husband claims. I just cannot function right. Everytime something happens to remind me or make me think something is going on I think sometimes I will break down or something. Having trouble focusing at work.

If you are very self-controlled, I would say go ahead and call OW BUT, you can never know if she is lying or not so what do you really think you could accomplish?

What if OW says they are still having sex? What would you do, confront H and he says it's not true and then what?

I would only do a confrontation if I could meet both parties in person @ the same time to see their faces & reactions, then I could KNOW who was really lying or not.
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There is another website www.survivinginfidelity.com that may be able to give you more insight about this particular topic. They give lots of suggestions on spying and some are willing to do it for you. It might have just what you need in the way of advice or suggestions.

I think this is all fair game for you to find some answers, closures and to protect yourself.

Hi ktbunch,

Thank you for responding because I feel like I am living in hell, not knowing feeling suspicious, not knowing who is telling the truth. I will check out that website.

Even if you confront both of them at the same time there is no gurantee that they still won't lie and cover up for each other. This happened to me. WS told me he was going to tell OW the truth and ended up just feeling sorry for her and comforted her while I was dying inside. Then he called me and said he was sorry but he didn't have the guts to tell the truth. I was the one that got hurt and OW had another victory.

Hi Cyn,

I am so sorry. I know that hurt so bad. I just cannot understand it. I know person can only take so much. Mine is being so nice now as long as I do not talk about other woman. But what he does while I am working I do not know but I am gonna try and figure it out.

Just remember OW will always lie and WS will always stick up for her as long as he's in the fog. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Call her what?? A s/ut? A hole? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I am just kidding.

Do not call her. She isn't worth the effort.

Genia,

I was under the impression that you wanted to verify if you H is still having contact. Was that the reason, or were you wishing to talk to her?

Dobie

Don't call. Don't give her the satisfaction. If you need to verify contact do so another way. If you want to verify who the phone numbers belong to, go on-line, there are a bunch of resources there. They are better for land lines, not cell phones.

I found the answer and it gives me a sinking feeling. I applied for an online account for the cell phone bill we share. The bill came today. He has started throwing the bill away. I looked at the bill on-line and he called a strange number 30 times last month. I looked up the town beside the number and it is on the outskirts of where he said she is now. She is three hours away but he calls her almost every day. I am not quite ready to leave because he is trying to help me get my roof fixed. I love him so much and cannot understand why he needs to talk to her. He talked to her once 33 minutes. The longest he has talked to me is 17 minutes and I wonder how I kept him on the phone that long.

Genia,
I am sorry for your pain. I have to believe one day WS's will finally realize the pain and hurt they have caused us. As long as they are in the fog it will be hard.

Hi Cyn,

I think my husband is finally waking up. I told him about posting. Then he asked about what I was posting and how people responded, so I told him. He asked about how people responded about the baby and I told him that they said that Him and I should see the baby as a couple. I told him that he should be a man and tell her grow up and accept me for the baby's sake. He told me he tried to talk to other woman about that but that she hates me and does not want me to touch her child. I know I would love her child as my own because my husband wanted a baby and I could not give him one because my tubes were tied. I had suggested adopting a child but he wanted a baby naturally. He also thinks it is OK to go to delivery. I told him to fight for parental rights. He said he can't because he lost his other kids. I told him that she is manipulating him. He agreed. I told him I knew he was calling her almost every day. I said, do not deny it because I got proof in black and white. I told him I had the proof at work. He confessed and told me he was calling her because she relapsed on drugs and he was concerned about the baby and that he is trying to get her to give him the baby if she is going to choose to destroy her life with drugs. Your other woman is on drugs too? I will love the baby if it is born but I like you wish other woman would lose baby then life would be easier. I just know other woman is being very evil and manipulative and life can never go back the way it was. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

OW is also on drugs. It helps because WS is in prison for his recent OWI so he won't be in the delivery room with her. At least I have that satisfaction. She is so horrible! WS has yet to see her for what she is. I do feel sorry for the baby but only to a point. Yes, I would try and love this child if it does turn out to be WS's. I still have my doubts about that. At least your H is with you. I know the pain about OW and OC. I wish she and her child would disappear and I'd never have to see or hear from them both again.
Take care and God Bless.

Cyn,

You are right that is some small consolation that H won't be w/ OW when she delivers, but what is going to happen w/ DNA if anything?

What do you plan to do while H is away? I am so sorry you have to go thru this.

I am praying for you.