KT & AD-

Hope you guys had great weekends! I think that all of us newbies have given you plenty of reading material to keep you busy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Look forward to hearing from you guys!

I am going to try a bit of a hiatus, still lurking around but less posting. Gotta start living IN this situation rather than all this reading & writing about it.

In a dark place now. Therapist has recommended we lessen C w/ OC due to BC emotional upset & health. H disagrees! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Therapist also recommends all communication w/ OW go through H. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I disagree. Things will stay the same all around, time w/ OC as scheduled and communication will continue through me!


H hopeful things will improve when summer schedule starts (every other WEEK) and will really work on improving relationship w/ BC #1.

I do NOT want to continue bickering over the same things w/ OW over & over again for the next 12 years. Therapist says OW will probably never change so we should cut back to give our home some peace & our BC security that they desparately need.

H & I disagree so nohting will change and everything stays the same and HOPEFULLY things will improve. We will see.

So I feel I should keep a low profile for now.

Keep up the good fight.

KT be sure to read my newest post on my thread OC is born.

I have guests this week, so not around so much. I will try to catch up on situations as I'm able. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

KT,

Just want to you know you & your family are in my prayers, & I hope your rough patch doesn't last too long.

I know you already know this of course but you & H are in agreement & united on how you want to handle this situation & that is what matters most.
You will get thru this.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{KT}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thank you so much BBG! I really need it right now.

Had a bit of a 'breakthrough' last night.
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OW had scheduled a Dr. visit for OC @ our pick-up time! argh! Also scheduled her other daughter @ the same time so she suggested that she take OC and then will drop her off after appt. ok whatever. I could have been picky but thought, whatever, saves us the trip. Just asked her to call us & let us know when she was on her way.

meanwhile, H & son planned to go paintball shooting (they hadn't been in awhile & son really needed the dad time). Hadn't heard from OW, never responded to last email, didn't call or anything. So H starts to think he should wait for her so that I will not be alone for the drop off. I'm thinking, oh great BC#1 is really gonna LOVE that! (NOT!!!!)

I'm just thinking, OW is so rude & disrespectful, we have a life you know! We decide that we will all go to the paint ball field and OW will just have to drop OC off over there, since she never called or let us know when she was coming.

OW calls @ 4:30pm (as we're about to go out the door) and tells us she just got out of the Dr. office & do we want to p/u OC @ the school!!!!!!!!??????!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> WTHECK? Mind you, by this time traffic would have been horrible for us and we would probably not have been back home @ least for 1 1/2-2 hours. H reminds her that SHE said she was going to bring OC after the appt. & that she never even called & we have been waiting for her but we have plans. OW says it's her mom's b-day and she is going to miss the dinner if she brings OC over! I am getting REALLY upset @ this point!

The reason I am so upset is because this is the kind of crap she always pulls! I don't believe for one minute she did not plan this, know ahead of time & knew she would put us on the spot like this!

Then she's asking if she can bring OC after dinner @ 7pm. Remember, we were scheduled to p/u OC from school back @ 3pm and doing this ALL @ the last minute (for her "convenience"). We don't trust she will keep her word as her track record has shown.

Finally, I am so ticked off I just say, keep her! Just tell OW to keep her. H tells her never mind we will just get her tomorrow after school. I could have been a B!+ch & forced the issue but I just let it gooooooo! No sweat off my back. I'm NOT the one who selfishly keeps her children away from their father!

Which is what she really wanted anyway! She is such a jerk!
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We went on to have a great evening and H did not even have to get up early to take OC to school.
It was very nice & relaxing.
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I had told my H, when he was asking if he should stay to wait for her, that I have rearranged EVERYTHING for OW! my budget, my schedule, I let her in my home so SHE could see what kind of parent I am and be 'more comfortable', I've rearranged my home AND MY LIFE! NOT ANYMORE! I'm done going out of my way to make things convenient for her and to make her comfortable! That's it! No more.

We are going on w/ our lives w/ or w/o OC and regardless of what OW thinks, feels or is comfortable or not comfortable w/. He agreed & said I was right (which is why he had decided OW would just have to bring OC to the field).

The thing that ticks me off is that she is so dang selfish. I have one kid who the 'thought' of OC makes him physically sick while the other kid misses OC & gets upset that she can't be here all the time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> So OW is upsetting my family w/ her antics. I am tired of seeing my children hurt by all of this CRAP. So the youngest gets jerked around because he was expecting us to go p/u OC like we always do then I had to explain to him that OC mom would be bringing her later instead & then OC is not coming @ all!!!!!!!??????
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I'm telling you people, your kids DO get affected by this & they do get hurt, even if they are accepting of it. They still get hurt because OC will NEVER be a normal, regular member of your family! NEVER! @ least especially if from H!

KT,

You are so strong & I have such admiration for you, keep praying girl, OW is just scorned & miserable sounds like & wants to use OC to make your family miserable as well. I pray she wakes up one day & sees how she is hurting her own child if nothing else.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I let her in my home so SHE could see what kind of parent I am and be 'more comfortable' </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had actually planned to do the same thing w/ OW in my life, make her fell comfortable about where the baby would spend her time, sleep, etc. These STOW's should be happy that the wives even want to allow OC's to be a part of our lives, they are so stupid!!!!

Good for you that you just cancelled the whole visit after all that crap. Like I said I am praying for you girl.

If I ever get visitation is this what I have to look forward to???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

KT,

YOU HAVE BLESSED ME WITH SO MUCH ADVICE I HATE THAT I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING PRFOUND TO SAY TO YOU, BUT I AM PRAYING FOR YOU ND BE STRONG. I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE BEEN FAIR ON ALL COUNTS AND CONTINUE TO SUPPORT THIS WHOLE THING. YOUR H IS LUCKY TO HAVE OYU AND HE KNOWS IT BY SUPPORTING YOU IN THE DECISIONS ABOUT OC. IT IS GOOD TO KNOW THAT YOU TWO ARE IN SYNC WITH EACH OTHER ABOUT THE WHOLE THING - THAT IS VERY IPORTANT. THE FACT THAT HE MAKES YOU FIRST IS GREAT!


LOVE YA,

JT

Sorry for you pain KT. I hope you can get everything worked out. C is hard and thanks for sharing. I can't think of anything mor awful as to my C getting sick over all of it. Keep working on your family and god will do the rest.
Sunny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

oh man!!!!!!! H went to p/u OC today and forgot OC luggage.

It was an honest mistake becuase usually I am the one who picks her up the first day and gets her luggage and he drops her off the last day and leaves her luggage but since OW last minute change-up yesterday.......things were different than usual.

BUT oh man! BIG mistake! H had plans to go to base ball game tonight w/ BC #1 for some more dad/son time, it just came up yesterday. So he could not drive all the way back to get it. We emailed OW to have her drop it off.

We knew she would not want to do this but H was not about to send me out in all the traffic madness to go get it.(car's acting up)
But we figured after her stunt yesterday she might be more willing.

OW was pretty upset and proceeded to lecture us (via email) on 'our' (suddenly it's OUR responsibility when her previous email was all about how OC is HER daughter) responsibility to OC and OC medical needs (inhaler) and blah blah blah blah!
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What is so hilarious about the whole thing is how YESTERDAY when it was HER 'mistake' (conveniently forgetting it was her mothers b-day dinner) we are to just accept it but when it is our HONEST mistake-------oh forget about it!!!!!!!
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I'm sure she thinks we did it on purpose but believe me H did not. We hate to ask OW for anything.

And you know how much I would HATE to have her drive all the way out here ONE time!!!! wah wah wah! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
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I guess it didn't help this morning when she arrived @ work to find an email from me telling her not to schedule OC dr visits during our time again. That's when she responded that she will schedule HER daughter's appointments ANY time she wants. whatever!
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Someone call the WAHmbulance......OW's having a coniption! wah wah wah! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> LOL

KT,

Glad to see you are keeping your sense of humor in all this, that was funny.

Oh well stuff happens, people forget things, she will get over it!

Keep laughing, keep smiling, OW wants you & H to be company to her misery - don't let her.

Hope you have a blessed day!

KT, find a way to smile in anything!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL. I guess I have a lot to look forward to, huh. I'm still thinking about moving to Jamaca and selling drinks on the beach! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I could do that. But that would be running now wouldn't it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Just smile and have a coke on me!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

KT,

You truly amaze me girl! You guys are so strong as a couple. I really hope to get my M and relationship back and have it be as strong as yours.

Keep up the good humor.

Communication w/ OW is back down to 0! And not in a good way either. NO communication about OC or about the summer schedule.

OC arrived w/ her log book-----empty, nothing from OW about OC, behavior, health or answers to other questions & issues OC had raised.

I think OW is still trying to hold out hope that somehow OC will not spend every other week w/ us for the summer. I think OW is hoping therapist will recommend against it. Therapist made it clear from our first appointment that no changes would be made. AND if there were to be any changes it would be OUR choice as to what we wanted to change, NOT OW. So.......

OW is ignoring my questions about WHERE we will p/u OC from. OW is even the one who brought it up & asked us what our ideas were & what we thought and has not responded to our suggestions and still does not respond when I ask her this week. Summer schedule is supposed to start next week, there is no way for OW to get out of it since father's day is the same weekend and of course OC is to be w/ my H on father's day.

I think she purposely doesn't answer/respond just to feel like she has some control, like she has to 'think over' her 'decision', as if she has a choice to deny the schedule. I know I should not let it get to me but I don't like the 'feeling' of being in limbo, where are we picking up OC from? I think OW is going to try to make it so that we do not have OC @ all & I know I shouldn't even fight over it, but it is still frustrating.

I have plans for the summer and I want it to start so that I can start making definate (sp?) arrangements for those plans. I don't know why OW plays these kinds of games, like what is the hold up, either you will be home & we p/u OC from her apt. or OW is working & we p/u OC from day care. What is the BIG freaking DEAL woman?
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It is ALL just so stupid. I wish the therapist would just talk to OW already & put her in her place.

KT,

I know this is a really tough question, but have you & H considered ending contact w/ OC? It just seems that OW is bound & determined to cause a problem, she is definitely not thinking about what is best for OC, just jealous it seems because you guys have put your lives back together & are not stuck in the past like she obviously is.

I know you two have put a lot of work into establishing visitation w/ OC & have tried very hard to work w/ OW, but it seems as if she is hell bent on being a pill. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I feel for you I really do, I guess at this point the only other thing you can do is pray OW will see the lignt & do what is right by her D. She is so blessed that you guys want to have OC in your lives, but I forgot we are talking about a STOW!

Babygirl,
earlier I wrote "Therapist has recommended we lessen C w/ OC due to BC emotional upset & health. H disagrees!"

So we are @ a complicated stand still, as I see it. But like the other day, when OW tried to change the drop off plans last minute, we just gave in and let OW keep OC longer than the schedule, just to avoid any tension or whatever. So......I think H is starting to see things a little more clearly in that regard.

The therapist said she would speak to OW & find out more of what her deal is w/ the personal issues & trying to bring them up to us & about the way OW says she agrees to one thing & then changes her mind acting like she never agreed in the first place.

These are the frustrating issues. I always hold out hope that if we can just get OW to get over herself & really focus on OC, then things will run smoothly.

The problem w/ that thinking is that I cannot control OW and I cannot control her thinking, personality or her 'issues' any more than she can control mine. I can't force her to put OC needs first. I just keep hoping & praying.

I am getting worn down though. I told H today, (in a discussion about some other things) that yes, he can keep saying he is sorry & I will always forgive but there will come a day when, after all the broken promises, it will be too late to say sorry anymore. I will have already given up! I told him that I was giving him a warning that that day is getting closer & closer because I am getting too worn down to keep hoping for the same things to change.

I know that you know what I mean.

I do feel better about things right now though. So I will keep praying & trusting in the Lord for HIS will to be done in HIS time.

I don't know the future but in my mind I think C w/ OC will eventually wear itself out. At least until OC is old enough to speak for her self. OW will keep fighting & pulling her crap & we will stop fighting & eventually there will be nothing left to fight for.
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I heard an interesting study the other day & I will post a separate thread for it. Very thought provoking though.

Hope things are going better for you KT--you are a strong women to maintain contact and put up with all that BS.

AD~hope your time with guests went well and I miss hearing from you.

Well, after numerous & ignored attempts by email to find out where to p/u OC from........I just had H call OW himself today & just ask point blank, "where will we be picking up OC from on Thursday?" Then she just answered like nothing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> WTHECK!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I hope this is not a new OW game, ignore me but reply to H! IT damn well better not be! I will give OW the benenfit of the doubt that she was not working ALL these days & never read the emails but.......she knew we wanted to know & has refused to answer for a few weeks now.

I feel like calling her just to be provocative! But I better not, you know.......always gotta be the 'better person', not 'lower myself to her level'....ect....blah blah blah!

Yah well, I am tired of being the better person------I gotta tell ya! Sometimes it really stinks being the 'better person'!

Ok kt, remember, our crowns are not here on earth, we serve not an earthly master....

arghh!!!