I'M 30, I'M YOUR TYPICAL ITALIAN GIRL,MARRIED 6 1/2 YEARS W/ 2 KIDS. THE LAST 6 1/2 YRS I'VE JUST BEEN CONTROLLED, DEGRATED AND SPOKEN DOWN TO BY MY HUSBAND AND I FINALLY HAD ENOUGH.
I'M READY TO LEAVE. MY KIDS ARE THE ONLY CONCERN I HAVE RIGHT NOW, I DONT WANT TO SCREW THEM UP IN THEIR LIVES. I TOLD MY HUSBAND I DONT LOVE HIM ANYMORE BECAUSE OF HOW HE'S BEEN TREATING ME BUT HE WANTS TO WORK IT OUT AND WANTS TO CHANGE. BUT I REALLY DONT WANT TO, I WANT TO LEAVE AND START NEW AGAIN WITH A LIFE, MAYBE FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE ME, CARE FOR ME & MY KIDS AND ESPECIALLY HAVE RESPECT FOR ME. HE HAS NOOOO RESPECT. I CAN GO ON AND ON ABOUT THE THINGS HE HAS SAID & DONT TO ME BUT WHY BOTHER? I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO?<p>ANY ADVISE?<p>[ March 26, 2002: Message edited by: unhappy@30 ]I'M READY TO LEAVE.<p>[ March 26, 2002: Message edited by: unhappy@30 ]</p>

Since your H said he wants to work it out and change, I think you should give him a chance to do this. This would mean that you would have to change as well. You have said that you want to start over. Why not start over with the one you married? A question - Did he disrespect you this way before you married? In my opinion, if you two decide that you want to try, you should seek
marriage counseling.

THE OTHER PROBLEM IS, SINCE MY H HAS BEEN ****TY TO ME, I'VE MET SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS COMPELTELY DIFFERENT THEM MY H AND I REALLY LIKE HIM. SO MAYBE BC I'VE MET SOMEONE ELSE I REALLY DONT WANT TO WORK THINGS OUT BC I KNOW THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS INTERESTED AND WHO CARES. NOTHING HAS HAPPENED BETWEEN ME & THIS PERSON, WE WORK IN THE SAME OFFICE AND GO TO LUNCH TOGETHER AND I TOLD HIM MY PROBLEMS AND HE WANTS ME TO LEAVE AND KIND OF HINTS TO MAYBE WE'LL HAVE A FUTURE TOGETHER. I REALLY DONT KNOW!!!

Good link...<p>www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5024_qa.html

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by kam6318:
<strong>Good link...<p>www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5024_qa.html</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I READ......BUT I'M STILL NOT HAPPY W/ MY H, I REALLY DONT EVEN THINK I LOVE HIM ANYMORE, AND I FEEL THE NEED TO GET OUT

Unhappy @ 30
I don't think another person is the answer. Your husband is not the only probelm in the marriage. You allowed him to treat you that way and you will take this "not taking care of yourself" probelm in any relationship you enter into. I know where you are coming from and understand the anger, but you have to work on yourself most of all. I recommend these books so often people are going to think I work for the authors but I have found them to be lifesavers. "Boundaries in Marriage" by Cloud and Townsend. I have been able to find a great sense of peace within myself no matter what is going on.

Thank you!

un@30,,,,,, i stumbled onto this link by mistake but your story caught my eye. a little background on my being here. me 50, w 46, m 22yrs, 6 c's together, w ws in spring 2001, had baby girl from a 12/01, we are trying.
now when i found out about my w's a i got in touch with an old friend of 35 years who i knew was divorced and single. i actually dated her 1 or 2 times. a relationship was discussed as we had liked each other way back in hs. we came to an agreement that there would be no relationship between us unless i ended up divorced. also in my wifes a it started out with just a friend from work having a lunch together here and there and grew from there. her om was also married. this is now a major can of worms. my point is that whether you decide to stay in your marriage or not do yourself a favor and don't get involved in an a until you make your divorce final if that is the path you chose. i usually don't post on this site but will check in to see how you are doing.<p> good luck with your plight,
pops

Unhappy@30
Your story sounds hauntingly familiar although I am the H who was angry and demeaning to his W for so many years. My W made a mistake, turning to a male friend as a confidant. It started innocently enough talking on the phone. Then escalated into secretly meeting for lunch. More and more cell phone calls until it was almost daily. It progressed to the point where her marriage doubts caused OM to have serious doubts about his M. D was discussed on her part. She was probably testing the waters to see his interest. There was intamacy, secrecy and sexual chemistry (although unacted upon) Words were exchanged that cut deeply.I was lied to and treated as though my previous behavior warranted her response.
Please don't repeat this cycle!!. The best thing you can do is go talk to a MC or if you're invloved w/ a church a pastor/priest/rabbi as SH suggests. If you have feelings for this OM, do not tell him bc then you may go past the point of no return. Go to the MB main page and click on the Infidelity topic and look under, I think it's Avoiding an Affair.
In my own situation, the EA that my W had almost prevented me from breaking the cycle of Anger. Luckily I found this site and was willing to go to Cing.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by cwmac:
<strong>Unhappy@30
Your story sounds hauntingly familiar although I am the H who was angry and demeaning to his W for so many years. My W made a mistake, turning to a male friend as a confidant. It started innocently enough talking on the phone. Then escalated into secretly meeting for lunch. More and more cell phone calls until it was almost daily. It progressed to the point where her marriage doubts caused OM to have serious doubts about his M. D was discussed on her part. She was probably testing the waters to see his interest. There was intamacy, secrecy and sexual chemistry (although unacted upon) Words were exchanged that cut deeply.I was lied to and treated as though my previous behavior warranted her response.
Please don't repeat this cycle!!. The best thing you can do is go talk to a MC or if you're invloved w/ a church a pastor/priest/rabbi as SH suggests. If you have feelings for this OM, do not tell him bc then you may go past the point of no return. Go to the MB main page and click on the Infidelity topic and look under, I think it's Avoiding an Affair.
In my own situation, the EA that my W had almost prevented me from breaking the cycle of Anger. Luckily I found this site and was willing to go to Cing.</strong><hr></blockquote>

WELL AN UPDATE....NOTHING EVER HAPPENED BETWEEN ME & THE OTHER GUY, CAME CLOSE...I GUESS HE FIGURED HE WAS'NT GETTING INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED WOMAN WITH KIDS & PROBLEMS BUT I STILL SEE HIM AT WORK.<p>WITH MY HUSBAND, HE HAD REALLY CHANGED, HE TREATS ME MUCH BETTER AND HELPS OUT SO MUCH MORE WITH THE KIDS....BUT I DONT LOVE HIM ANYMORE FOR IT.<p>I FEEL I NEED TO BE SINGLE AGAIN, TO DO THE THINGS I DID'NT GET TO DO @ 20. I AM NOW 30. I WANT TO MEET NEW PEOPLE, GO AWAY AND BE FREE TO DATE OTHER MEN. I FIND MYSELF ALWAYS CHECKING OUT THE CUTIES IN THE BLDG @ MY JOB. WHAT I'M I SUPPOSED TO DO. DO I STAY MARRIED BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO AND BE UNHAPPY OR END IT AND START NEW WITH MY KIDS.<p>I DONT KNOW...I NEED HELP, IT LIKE I'M WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO....I'VE BEEN FEELING THIS WAY FOR MONTHS..<p>HELP!!! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi unhappy,
Just a couple of thoughts,
No other man will love your children like their father will.(I know this from experience),I'm living in the blended family right now.
61/2 yrs. Sounds like the 7 year itch coming on.
I would suggest finding some activity that you could do alone and let your H watch the kids while you go do that, make friends with women, laugh with them, have fun with them. Bring the "you" back into you. And go to marriage counseling if he is willing. I know it hurts bad to be degrated and put down, but if he is willing to change, try it, and don't expect your "love feelings" to return over night, they left slowly and will return slowly.
Good luck

TO: SADIEMAE37<p>Thank you for your reply, I think your right I do have the 7 year itch and just completely bored w/ my life. I'm going to take your advise and give my H another chance, and go out more often with my girlfriends....we'll see what happens.<p>Thanks again! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

unhappy@30<p>As I am learning you will need to also do things with your H for your "feelings" to return. Realize that feelings come and go so easily, and in a marriage it is hard to maintain those feelings. The books by Harley do a great job of explaining this and how to recapture those feelings. "His Needs Her Needs" & "Fall in Love Stay in Love", either of these would be excelent books to read. I think they are also on tape. It might be good to read a little each night with your H so he too can get a better idea on how to meet your needs. It may be difficult for your feelings to return when you have a wall built up between the 2 of you. It may also take a while for that trust to return, be patient and I don't think that you will regret it. I agree also that no one will love your kids like their Father so I think it is worth some extra effort to keep your m fire strong.<p>Blessings to you,
knight<p>p.s. Do you have any suggestions for dates or romantic expressions to help my m?