My H finally admitted that, Yes, he did actually talk to OW when she called. Of course it was dragged out of him because I said I guessed I would just call the phone # and find out what she wanted......<P>Well, she had "only" called to ask my H if he would cash her paycheck for her because she (supposedly) doesn't have an acct anywhere. I pointed out to H that she must have cashed it somehow previously and didn't need him to do it for her. He of course doesn't associate any of this with any dishonesty on her part - she just needs his help Gee, she calls him for "help" right before x-mas and now right before valentines day - coincidence? I don't think so.....<P>Anyway, I was really burned (to say the least) and told him that if he won't tell her to quit calling that I was done. There have been toooooooo many lies and deceptions for me to go on living like this. I wanted him to move out at least for awhile - of course he won't go because (and I use his words), "someone needs to be here for the boys and I'm not going to leave them with you." "You need to see a psych!" That's right, according to him I am the worst Mom in the world. I think part of this is because I was an at home Mom for 10 yrs and now I'm working. I had to go back to work because he lost his job and then left our family. (I did not bring this up though, just said it to myself) How am I supposed to be at home and bring in an income too to support my kids? He's just using it to hurt me, I know, but Boy does he know how to push my buttons.<P>Anyway, (taking a deep breath now......) the next day he's calling me at work (which he hasn't done in ages) to ask me if I would like to go see our nephew's basketball game with him and the boys! Unfortunately, I was not able to get home in time to go with them. Then, this a.m. he rolls over to me in bed and hugs me....then gives me a kiss before leaving for golf! This hasn't happened in months!!<P>Is this all just an attempt to stay in the house, or to throw me off balance again so he can have his cake and eat it too? I don't know <P>I do have to give him credit for one thing though......he said he told OW that he wouldn't cash her check for her and that all she needed to do was sign it over to someone else and have them cash it for her.....The problem is that I don't know what to believe anymore.<BR>

RC,<BR>It is hard to believe them isn't it? I had that problem for about 2 months before H left. It is hard to learn to trust again.<P>Try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He may be telling the truth. And the hug and kiss were a nice touch, too. Try to accept it and reciprocate. If my H would come home I would be all over him all the time. (If he would let me) <P>Oh, and congrats for only thinking most of the bad stuff. At least we are all learning to use that filter between our brains and our mouth. (Where's that magic wand when we need it??)<P>Prayers,<BR>Mitzi

RCoaster, <BR>Just take it one day at a time. I know it must be hard to trust again and he shouldn't expect you to. Also, I would say to welcome the babysteps and try not to question his motives (easier said than done). This is a long journey for the most of us and I just say hang in there for as long as you can. I admire you for trying to work it out in the first place. Give it all you got, because in the end you'll have peace no matter what. You did great not LBing and that's not always easy. I know that from first hand. This plan A stuff kicks me in the A$$ sometimes. <P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

mitzi<P>I am going to try........it's just that I feel that if I "give in" too soon he's just going to tramp all over me again.<P>I don't know what I'd do right now without this forum.......<P>jamielee,<P>the baby steps are hard for me right now, considering that he lied to my face again about the phone call, only to later admit it when I threatened to call the #. It's sooooo hard - but we all know that, don't we?<P>Thanks for the advice...I'm still hanging on to the sides of my personal rollercoaster.<p>[This message has been edited by RCoaster (edited February 05, 2000).]

RCoaster,<P>Three things.<P>1. I think you are doing a great job in Plan A, and it seems to be working for you. YEAHHHHH!<P>2. I know it is hard, but try not to snoop and get your dander up. I know you want to know if he is lying, but even if he is, you will only find out about some them anyway. I never asked questions or snopped about OM. Maybe I should have, but I really did not want to know. The pictures of me missing in the living room told me everything.<P>3. You need to go to a psych? Huh ? Is this suppose to hurt me? Tell him damn right you need to go to a psych, and so does he if he wants to work on this marriage and himself. He doesn't have problems? Then why is hein the mess he is in? Who dosn't need to go to a pscyh? <BR> <BR>Everybody has issues that need to be adressed from time to time. I swear, start talking to people and I bet 50%of your friends have been to counseling, and the other 50% should go, but are so old fashioned like your husband, they think going to a counselor is like "one flew over the cuckaoo's nest" AHHHHHH!<P>Sorry for venting.<P>Anyway, keep up the great Plan Aing!

Joe,<P>re #3: my response to that was that I am seeking help - he can't hurt me with his words, because I know that I'm doing the best<BR>I can and that I am trying.....shut down that part of his comments pretty quickly.<P>Yes, the not snooping......I'm at the point right now, after finding out about the last lie, that I know the snooping isn't really getting me anywhere except emotionally upset, so I am going to TRY to let it go. Not an easy thing for me.