I read Dr. Harley's columns on one spouse saving the marriage. He said he would address the problem of an H leaving at some later point, as it is different from when the W leaves. Does anyone know if this column was ever posted? Does anyone know the secret to the difference? I really want to know EVERYTHING I can about saving this marriage. I have ordered the "Surviving an Affair" book. I would appreciate any insight anyone has (men and women) about the differences in getting back a H when he has left. I will mention that part of his leaving involves his affair that I believe happened because I was not meeting his emotional needs. I was diagnosed with depression several years ago (I have suffered from depression since I was 11 years old) and am currently on meds. I understand living with a depressed person is no picnic. How do I let him know that I will never be that depressed person again? That he can trust my feelings, affection, etc. And how do I get my own trust for him back???<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Hi Keridwen,<P>I saw the article you read and didn't find the one you were looking for. I looked too.<P>I can't answer much of your questions tonite. I know that once before I was put in the predicament where I needed to rebuild trust with H back five years ago. After we got back together , it took about a year, and a lot of work on his part, but it can most definetly be done if you work hard enough and I think if both people both want the same thing, give it time and it will come. I don't know that you can "ever" completely trust again. Maybe someone who has been through this a long time ago, may be able to answer that, or try the recovery section and ask for someone who is a few years past the affair. I'll bet they would be very helpful too.<P>Is there anyone on here tonite besides us?? <P>I'll be watching your replies to this one.