She talked to OM last night about mess that is going on at work after he paged her. I knew she had given her new pager number to him and I proved it this morning when I checked her pager. I am pretty sure she has been talking to him within the last 3 weeks. Her demeanor has changed since she has been talking with him.<P>I personally don't understand how she could want to talk to him after he threatened to blackmail her with them having sex. I know that I haven't met her most important needs but, I haven't tried to blackmail her. I consider that to be a heinous disrespect to her person. I told her that I wanted him dead after she asked me if I was still cnosidering taking him to small claims court to attempt to retrieve the money owed me. I can only guess that she does not desire to retrieve the money he owes her. No, I still see it as our money.<P>IT really hurts to know that she is so selfish. I was contemplating giving up today when I heard a sermon by D. James Kennedy that changed my mind about doing that. God is wonderful. He comforts me even though I am dying inside. <P>I have stopped telling her that she is not meeting His standard. As a matter of fact I told her that I deserved to go to hell, her comeback was that we all deserve it. I can only guess that I am making headway. I just know that it HURTS incredibly bad. I am having a down day. Cry a large part of the day. I don't want to go home after I get off work. I want to be translated so that I don't have to deal with the pain. <P>I long to be in God's presence where I can wait for Judgment Day so that I can experience a body that will not feel pain. This one is beginning to wear out. Getting new pains that don't go away. I know the stress from this mess is causing my hypoglycemia to flare back up. Found out that because of family history of diabetes that the spontaneous hypoglycemia can cause diabetes to be a problem for me.<P>I am read for this to be over with. I never thought that I would have to endure such pain in my life. I thought my exgirlfriend breaking up with me was bad. It was nothing compared to this. I guess part of it is because this is covering a uch longer period.

I'm so sorry to hear this! I'm feeling sort of like you. I just want the pain to go away. It's like salt being poured on a fresh wound. <P>I don't have much encouraging words to say, but I have you in my prayers and thoughts. Take care of YOU and your health. <P>GOD BLESS!!!!!!!<P> <P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Thanks Jamie-Lee.<P>I just hope she isn't coming out to the forum because she gets on the computer from time to time and I have a shortcut in the Netscape that is out in the open. She would really have a cow if she knew what I was posting out here. This is my vent to keep from LBing place.<P>During my break, I talked to her. She had a bad day. We talked longer than I expected to talk. I am sure she called him today. I really hate that she gave him her new pager number. She even talked about not being the best Christian. I would contend that if you continue to do what the HOly Spirit tells you you shouldn't be doing then you are not what you think you are. YOu can call yourself a Christian because you made the public profession but nothing has occurrred in your heart. <P>I can attest to be conviceted by the Holy Spirit. Everytime that I feel the major league urge to leave, He tells me NOT YET. It is when you are obedient to the point that you stay when you are dying that you know you truly LOVE Him. That is what true love is: it is a decision to do what is in the other person's best interest. I could be really cold and leave her high and dry without a shoulder to cry on.<P>I feel like she is bleeding me dry: financially and mostly emotionally. I feel used. She wants me to be a H when it comes to financially bailing her out, but wants me to be her friend, one she doesn't love or have sex with. Yet, it was okay for her to have sex with OM who she called friend. He even tried to black mail her. He told her he would tell me what they did.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

I feel so bad for you right now. A bad day, Huh? Or should I face reality and say...for all of us....a bad week, bad month, bad year. I wished I could do something or say something to erase all of your pain. But I know that is your wifes task. I guess they just don't quite understand the pain one goes through with infedelity. They must see and feel it so differently. It is so hard for me these days to find excuses for the betrayers. Many of them seem to just not understand or just don't care too......just too selfish. I hope that I am not offending you...I am not trying to talk bad about your wife or anyone elses spouse.....its just that it hurts, really hurts and they just don't seem to have much of a clue.<BR>Nancy

Hi, Rob.<P>I've read what your wife is putting you through, and I can't help but get a little angry. Do you think that she's just expecting you to be her safety net all of the time? Is this healthy for her and for you? Maybe a time comes where you need to let her fall to realize what consequences she will have to face in the REAL WORLD? Sometimes we truly need to let someone fall, and not pick up the pieces for them to even realize how they CAN heal. You are a Christian, as am I. But I do NOT believe that God would want you to perpetuate this situation by just placating your wife and rewarding her behaviors, she needs to realize this is not what marriage or life is about. <P>My prayers are with you.

Mental,<BR>Don't feel bad. Everything that you said is true. I know that she is selfish. If she truly loves God like she says she does then she would see that what she is doing not only hurts the boys and me but herself also.<P>Yes, I too have done things that she doesn't like but she can't see that OM is much much much worse than I am. He used her. He expected something from her. The majority of my pleasure came from doing things for her NOT FROM WHAT SHE DID FOR ME. That is what TRUE LOVE is about. It is getting pleasure out of knowing that you have the other person's best interest at heart and that you did everything you know to ensure that those best interests were met.<P>TRUE LOVE IS ABOUT DOING NOT RECEIVING.<P>I'm not screaming at you. I'm just venting before I go home.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Connor,<BR>Thanks very much. I am working it so that I can do just that. The placating that I am doing now is mostly for the boys because it keeps us from arguing. Lately she escalates our conversations to the yelling level which is very traumatic for our oldest who is now going through the puberty thing. He turned 13 on 16 Jan.<P>Yet, God won't let me go everytime I truly want to leave. If I were to file for divorce, it would put her in a real pinch. Part of me wants revenge but He says that vengeance is HIs. I am being patient as He has asked me to do. She is talking more about God since I have taken the keep quiet approach. I can only pray that she is beginning to listen to Him. She made the comment the last time we discussed God that we all deserve to go to hell because I made reference to my deserving to got to hell.<P>I am doing my best to not LB. It is getting hard now that it is getting close to a year since we were last intimate.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net