Hello, all....It continues unabated.<P>W still hasn't moved out. SIL left for home on Sunday and I was really expecting Sunday night or Monday(we both had a holiday) to be M-day, but it never happened. I have stayed positive enjoying the extra attention W has been giving me, but I've been haunted by the phone call to OM last Thursday night. I also was very concerned about W because it appeared to me she might be a little suicidal in her depression.<P>I decided that last night was a good time to start talking again. I asked her if she was still as down-in-the-dumps as late last week and over the weekend. She said that she was but work was a big distraction. I LB'ed, but didn't care when I said that it must also be because she can see OM again(she told him on the phone she missed him during her timeoff last week). She blew that one off, but didn't get angry.<P>I asked her what it was that was "ripping her heart out" about moving out. She didn't answer immediately so I added "Is because of the permanency of the move?". She replied that it was because I felt it was permanent. I reminded her that when I was in Germany in January I had told her that she had to make a decision to reduce the threesome to two at the time she moved out or I was through. I repeated a lot of the things I had said then about not wanting to be part of a threesome, etc. After about 20 minutes of this discussion, she said "What do you want me to do?". I was flabbergasted because she <B>knows</B>!! <P>I told her that she knew very well what I wanted, but then went on to repeat it anyway. By this time, she was getting pretty sleepy, like an escape mechanism, so I suggested she go to bed and read. I went further and said that based on how she was feeling, if she wanted to sleep in the other room that I understood and it was OK with me. She said that she didn't want to do that, that she wanted to sleep in our bed. I said that was fine.<P>Once we were both in bed, I asked her if she wanted to lay on my shoulder and she said "yeah".<P>During this discussion I had told her that I didn't believe she could make any decisions about all this and that I knew that when I brought this up back in January. I said that I had had time to adjust to that fact and accept that I would have to make the decision and end the marriage on my own. But I also said that she <B>was</B> making a decision by <B>not</B> making a decision. I reminded her that she had done this type of thing in the past and was able to adjust and live with however things turned out and that would probably be what she did now.<P>Just had to get this out. I now know what LSD users describe as a "bad trip". I'm on one, but I didn't realize that they could last for months!! LOL<P>I really feel inside like I'm now ready for whatever end result comes from this. I couldn't have said that three months ago. I still love her as much as ever, but I am more prepared than ever to start a life without her if it's necessary. I really can't believe that I now feel this way after all of the pain and anxiety I've been through. I expected to eventually feel this way, but only after my love had started to die which isn't the case.<P>We sure find out interesting things about ourselves in cases like this!!!!<P>--DeWayne--

Dewayne,<BR>I know you want her to be able to make a decision, but I am not so sure she is capable of doing so. I think they want to be forced by us into a decision. I can remeber thinking I wish he would just leave so I can get it all over with and get on with my life. Well I haven't been able to because the emotional roller coast we are all on. So just be prepared for it. It has been almost 7 months since he left and at time I feel as it just happened. Keep me informed how you are, my friend. {{{Hugs}}}}} to you and even a kiss on the cheek back at you. Even a cyber kiss helps.<BR><P>------------------<BR>di<P>

<B>Hi, Diana</B> --<P>Even if she <B>did</B> make a decision, I'm still going to have problems to deal with. Even though our communication has improved dramatically over the last couple of months, there are certain topics she still refuses to discuss, OM being one.<P>Right after discovery, she told OM that she wanted him to back off so she could think thru whether or not she wanted the marriage. He did for less than a week, coming back to her crying saying that he had intended to let her go forever, but he was feeling like his heart was being "ripped out"(same thing W said last week). She then let him back in at least partially.<P>Soooo, even if she did as I asked and told him that to leave the romantic stuff away from her, how long would he be able to do it this time after so long? Five minutes? Not at all. Then if he refused, what is she going to do? Not tell me what's going on, that's for sure. Don't know yet whether I can continue to live that way. I guess we'll see.<P>I don't believe that it will be as hard on me as it has been on you. I will just let my cynical nature take over and that will be the end of it...<P>Take care and big hugs....<P>--DeWayne--

DeWayne<P>I know exactly where you are at. It is funny how suddenly you come to the point where you are ready to let go. I was not ready until Sunday and then suddenly I was. There was no magical thing that happened it just felt like it was time.<BR>Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this feeling.<P>Prayers to you.<P>{{{{{{{{{DeWayne}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

Missed your post and e-mail yesterday but sent you one this morning.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{DeWayne}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Hold on, ok?<P>Luv ya,<P>Lori

(((((DeWayne)))))<P>I don't have any advice for ya but I wanted to let you know that you have my prayers and support. You do what you have to to make DeWayne happy!<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

<B>Nicole</B> -- You know, it is funny, but I really didn't have some sudden realization. It's been coming on for some time, I just didn't realize it until recently. She, even today at lunch, is giving the impression she hasn't decided, but intends to. If I was a betting man, I would bet that she is trying to figure out some way to let OM down easily. I've given her more than a few chances to give me some bad news. What I mean is that I've given her several openings to announce that she wants to leave me and she could do it without much pain on either of our parts.<P>If she cannot make up her mind before she moves, then(and I'm not kidding here) it's over. Period. Not looking back. Almost a year is more than enough time.<P><B>Lori(Sis)</B> -- I was kinda gettin' worried about you again!! I'm glad you mentioned the e-mail because I haven't received it yet. I am hanging on, with your help of course!!<P>Luv ya...<P><B>Mitzi</B> -- You know, sometimes one doesn't really need any advice, just the love and support of people like you! Thanks so much...<P>{{{{{{{{{{Nicole}}}}}}}}}}<P>{{{{{{{{{{Lori}}}}}}}}}}<P>{{{{{{{{{{Mitzi}}}}}}}}}}<P>--DeWayne--