This time next week I will have quit my paaart-time job and moved into my parents' old house (They live with my sister) This is not where I want to be but I have no choice. When H left to live with OW I moved out of my home for 20 years. I felt then and now that if he ever came back we would not have a chance while we still lived in the same town as OW. <P>Have said that I do not regret my decision to move. I have been living with D and her family since Aug. IT has been very difficult. It was time for me to move out and the parents' house was empty plus I had not found a full time job. So it seemed like a blessing. Problem?? I am unpacking all my things. Kind friends packed everything for me last Aug. so I would have to deal with all the memories. Now I am having to deal with them. I feel like I did the day he left. 7 months and I am not emotionally any better. <P>I told Bill that what we are going through is like a yoyo. It seems that H is the one jerking my string my ups come from him when he response my downs well you know. <P>I feel like I am getting worse rather then better. I have been seeing a counselor the whole time. But it hasn't seemed to help. <BR> I have been seriously thinking when I actually start living in my house that I will see a doctor about meds. <P>Now to make matters worse, tomorrow is my grandson's birthday party. I know this sounds horrible but I hate going to his party. SIL's large family goes and I have never felt comfortable around them nothing in common. Not to thrilled with SIL anyway. H's family usually attends and my family live to far away and are in bad health anyway. Anyway it isn't my favorite place to be. Plus H is planning on showing up. <P>Now everytime we have made plans to meet something has happened and we haven't. In the past 7 months I have only seen him for about 10 min. and I was too upset to talk. I am not ready for this. I would give anything to not have to go but I can't do that to Grandson(he will be 4) <P>Of course he hasn't seen his Grandfather (H) in 7 months either and doesn't understand why he left me. <P>Needless to say a very stressful situation all the way. It has been affecting me all week. I just want my life back!!! I want my H to come back!!!! All I can do is cry!!!<P>Well I have had nmy vent but this time I really don't feel any better. I wish I could just get him out of my head and heart and then maybe I could feel better!!! Is there an icon for tears!!!<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

{{{{{{{{{{<B>Di</B>}}}}}}}}},<P>I'm praying for you. I can understand your hurt. Even in the hospital this week, I too felt very bad feelings about my W too.<P>If you don't have to stay too long at the party don't!<P>When does all this madness end?!<P>Come here for comfort… <BR>We care about you too… <B>Never forget that!</B><P>I'm praying for you <B>right now</B> and I be thinking of you at the party tomorrow… <P>Post after the party… vent it out!<P>You are loved… so loved here!<P>Jim

Thanks, Jim just wished it was a different Jim saying it. You understand. It seems like instead of getting better things just get worse. You know I will be praying for you Tuesday. <P>{{{{HUGS}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

di,<P>In a nutshell, this whole thing just plain sucks.<P>When I made the desision a few weeks back that I was no longer going to be held hostage by my emotions, I was finally able to make some steps in the right direction.<P>I'm getting closer to being ok without my W in my life. As you read in my post earlier that I was feeling the pain of all this again. Those feelings are starting to fade, as they always do.<P>As hard as it is I have to keep stepping in the right direction in my personal growth. It is so easy to get caught up in self pitty. And hard to get out of it. I have realised that I need not feel like the fool, my W is the one acting the fool. She really is the one losing out.<P>As far as the yoyo, hell if thats what this is I might as well learn to do some tricks...LOL<P>Enjoy your grandsons party and forget what your IL's have to say, and for what it's worth, don't give your H the saticfaction of seeing your pain. I'll be praying for God to give you the courage and strength for tomorrow.<P>{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}} back at you<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{SDS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I am praying for you today.

I'll also be thinking of you and saying a prayer. If its any consolation, I have to attend a soccer banquet next Monday night, with my daughter sitting between my ex and myself---I hate it! It still upsets me to be around him even after being divorced. However, I will not give him the satisfaction of knowing that. I just remind myself that I'm a survivor and if I can survive a divorce, I can survive a dinner. You can do it also!!

Well I survived but barely. The party was a kids pizza party at place that caters to kids. Very loud. I couldn't talk to him I just couldn't make the first move and he sure as h*!! didn't. It was horrible Extremely stressed out. Then to top it all of D tells me she is going to have lunch with him tomorrow. He has to come in to the doctor for his check up for the donor part of the transplant. I asked her if OW was going to be there. She said she didn't knowbut she could handle it. I told her that by having lunch with them that she was telling her father that she accepted the OW. I told D that she was going against everything she had said earlier about the OW would never even step foot on her street. Her comment was that was 6 months ago and he wasn't gong to leave her. I told her that I felt like I had been betrayed for the second time. Needless to say I have been in tears for the past hour. <P>I guess I am the only you thinks there could be a chance I think the rest of the family thinks I might as well give up and maybe I should. I am just tired of hurting. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

{{{{{{{{{{{{di}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Hold on, get some tissues, fix a nice cup of tea and relax...You definatly are emotionally drained...Hell Chuck-E-Cheese pizza will do it everytime...lol...I have spent waaayy too much time in Chuck-E-Cheese hell.<P>Try not to worry about your D if she's half the woman you are she will do the right thing.<P>I'm telling you we need to learn some tricks on this yoyo..<P>more hugs for ya<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{di}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{di}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{di}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Bill<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{di}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{di}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm sure your D doesn't accept the affair. I'm sure she is just confused. <P>I wish I could help you. Get some rest if you can. <P> Someday He will take all of our hurt away, if only we knew when that someday would be.<P>You are in my prayers.