Friends,<P>Your posts over the last few days have been very very kind! And I truly appreciate every last reply. The wealth of love that <B>IS</B> this forum is without bound!<P>To bring you up to speed…<P><B>First</B>…<BR>My medical condition isn't 100% yet. I still have blurred vision very badly, but will be seeing(hopefully) my physician Wednesday in the afternoon. The antibiotics have raised by blood sugar level too high and the drug to counteract it isn't working well enough. It is because of this that my activity here on the forum has been curtailed. To write this post and a few of the previous replies(as well as reading), I need to type into a text editor that lets me see only about 7 words and 5 lines at a time. Once this is remedied (hopefully tomorrow)… I'll be back to my old self! Thank you for those who have gotten the newbies in my absence… Bill, Alex, etc… I'll bring the Welcome post to the top of the "Just Found Out" forum!<P><B>Second</B>…<BR>About the Early Settlement Panel (ESP) review.<BR>My W did <B>NOT</B> show in court (giving her attorney some "month-end-closing" excuse… probably ligitimate… but she couldn't afford the "30-60 minute" review just the same.)<BR>So… the court will end up fining her $250.00 and my lawyer's fees for missing today. I asked my attorney if the court would rescind at least the sanctions($250.00) and he said… "No… it was the courts decision" (indiect <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A> I could not control.) So the upshot is that it will again be rescheduled in 4-8 weeks. For those of you who know my thoughts… that would be <B>great</B>… I'd prefer to see 40-80 weeks if possible and push off the divorce to never-never land!<P><B>Third</B>…<BR>And I wasn't expecting to do a conventional "ask for help" post here… but here I go…<P>When I got back from court today… low and behold… I got an e-mail message from my W… or so I thought.<P>When I opened it up… it was from the OM instead. He routinely picks up <B>everything</B> I send her… and I just recently asked him to not correspond <B>ever</B> with me (he already blocks anything I wish to send to him… not that I've done it since 1 month after D-day)<P>This was in response to an e-mail I sent my W (knowing OM would pick it up). I wished to try and sit down to talk things through… about mostly property settlement issues that were to be brought up in ESP review (remember I am still in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>)<P>I will think about this… but here is the question I have for you…<BR>Should I respond again to him/her(her account)?<BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> No?… not at all! (basic Harley)<BR><LI> Yes… just to say "don't e-mail me using my W's account anymore"?<BR><LI> Yes… to explain myself and consequences of legal actions "$$$"…<BR> <LI> Kind of… in a most non-<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busting</A> way… respond back to my W about the points the OM brings up?<BR><LI> Or something else?<BR></OL><P>No <B>I am NOT a Harley</B>!<BR>No I do not have an answer for it… yet.<BR>(Obviously I'm too close to my own situation… and need to take a big step back!)<BR>But, I will think a little bit(maybe a day) about this and let you know my thoughts too.<P>You might not know I value all your opinions…<BR>I very much do!!!!!<P> <P>Jim

Jim,<P>I am glad to hear things are on the mend and hope your medication can be straightened out soon. It must be very frustrating for you to deal with all this.<P>Also glad to hear that htings are being slowed somewhat in regards to the ESP. It may give you more time to implement plan A and make it even more effective.<P>As for your Q. I am sorry to say I have no advice for you. I'm not sure how I would handle that type of situation or what would be the right way to handle it. <P>I will be praying for you, your kids and your W.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

Hey Jim, are you seeing kinda like this<P> ??????(!)<P>I'll (try to) keep it short in light of your current reading challenges.<P>You know that blood sugar is not something to be taken lightly - if you cannot see your own doctor tomorrow, can you (please) try to find someone else? Glad you are on the path, on the way to the road to recovery in any event.<P>Bummer that with how you are feeling you have all the other crapola to deal with (although, I guess the delay is a small light just the same). Please do not hesitate to tell your wife that you asked about removing the $250 cost she has incurred. (That's GOTTA be some kind of deposit to her???????????)<P>Re the e-mail, you know the Harley principals better than most. Don't play his game. Communicate that which you need to your wife in a totally non-LB-ing manner. Remember a few weeks back, your little blurp on the CD issue? Don't allow for any more set backs. Whatever and however you handle it, make sure it is in a manner that she would not see as negative. JMHO. You've worked so hard for your true plan A. You know that you may soon have a plan B action going. What will you really benefit by responding directly to bozo head? What will you stand to benefit if your true plan A efforts pay off? I think you know the answer.<P>Cheers to good health and your happiness. Sorry a little longer than intended.<P>Lisa

aaaawwwww...Jim, I posted to you, but then it just got poofed.....gone!!<P>it wasa great post..really eloquent, fantastic..LOL<P>makes my heart glad to see you back!!<P>e-mail your W and perhaps request that she ask OM to refrain from contacting you as the pain is a bit much for you to bear....then continue on regarding the details you wanted to discuss with her....all of course, within PlanA framework.....<P><BR>Dylan

Hey Jim,<P>I hope that you will soon be able to see EVERYTHING more clearly soon. <P>After the weekend I have had and keep in mind that I am physically exausted [really long hours] with the mental [Yeah, she lives here] right behind it.<P>I would find a different media to contact W. Maybe at work, thru a mutual friend, letter, morse code, smoke signals. Inform her you tried to discharge the $250 seeing that you believe it unfair.<P>You are the rock right behind Chris here at MB. See that crushed stone pile over? No, that's not me. Look farther, I'm the sand pile that goes into play boxes. Kids love me, too bad Val doesn't.<P>I'm not going to take it any longer! I have put together an arsenal of TNT, no not her silly, but, I bet she could beat the snot out of Val, Mercury switches, Plastic explosives and Mercenaries. Just kidding, I don't have the Plastic stuff. Too expensive, hey I'm on a budget. Your arm Mr. Joshua.<P>Not trying to be an idiot here, but, do you think that time will help your situation? I could hold up the divorce until forever. That doesn't mean that V will ever wake up. I could have divorced her right away and not have had to deal with the last 9 months of crap. Looking back I should have married Claire.<P>Too late, too smart.<P>Zip

Jim,<P>I would reply to your wife and not the OM. I would tell her that he responded to your e-mail to her and that you want to work out the details with her. I think that is fair especially since you want to work out details of the seperations with her. Why would she want OM involved in that. I think that by doing this you are respecting her right to speak for herself.<P>Good Luck<BR>Acacia

What was his responce? If you don't mind shareing. It would give me a better idea on what to suggest.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hi Jim,<P>First of all, I hope you feel better soon. Take it easy and relax. Hopefully, the meds will be remedied soon.<P>Second, don't respond to the OM. It isn't any of his business anyway. Don't play his game.<P>Third, try to find a different way to communicate to your wife. Can you call her at work?<P>Hope my advice helps. Stay strong!

Hey Jim,<P>Personally, I'd flame his b*tt, but you wouldn't. I agree that you would probably be best served by finding an alternate contact source. If you know that he reads the email that you send her, do it another way. <P>Indirect LB you cannot control - so don't worry about it. Right now, I go for the direct - but that's me - not you. I defintely believe that <B>you</B> should let her know that you requested the fine be rescinded. (sp?)<P>Take care you.<P>Hey, you never did let me know if that was a bikini scar you have now.......<BR>

Jim,<P>I hope you meds situation clears things up for you soon, you are such a servant to us here at MB.<P>You've heard it many times, but I'll just echo it. Find another way to talk to your W, I wouldn't even acknowledge the e-mail if you know for a fact that it came from OM.<P>I'm praying for you, I appreciate your feelings about the delay, I'm with you, every day that it's not final is one more day that you are married and one more day for hope.<P>I would like to ask you Jim, while still remaining hopeful that the divorce may not got through, have you given thought to what you might do if it does? My question has a point to it. Do you consider your marriage a covenant or a contract? I have a thought I'd like to share with you when you want to hear it.<P>Repenting

HI Jim, hope you're getting feeling better soon.<BR>I haven't been here as much as I used to, mostly because I'm coming home later, but I've been trying to keep in touch with everybody's stories.<BR>Hi just want to tell you that, of course, I'm for not responding to him at all. You know this next part but I'll write it anyway: He knows you don't want to receive anything from him, telling him so is not going to change what he's doing. Keep your contact stricktly with your wife, and ignore anything from him. Not only you'll be doing things by the book, but you'll also be irritating him to no end But you know that.<BR>HUgs to you<BR>Kat

<B>Nicole</B>…<BR>Thank you for your response. You are right about the "more time" for Plan A… especially since I am in a "long distance" Plan A… I need that time!<BR>Thank you… <P><B>Lisa</B>…<BR>Yes… the doctor's appt is at 1:30 PM!!! It is important!<BR>You're right about letting my W know that I fought the sanction… I rarely get a chance to point out to her my love deposits!<BR>I knew… that no contact with OM is the only way…I've made that recommendation at least 50 times to others… now I have to say it to myself.<BR>Thank you… <P><B>Dylan</B>…<BR>You're right…<BR>As pointed out by others… when you have a "long distance" Plan A… there is a baby-Plan B inside it! No contact for me with OM <B>is</B> important!<BR>Thank you… <P><B>Tim</B>…<BR>W is 80+ miles away…<BR>Has never given me her work phone #<BR>Burned all her bridges with joint friends.<BR>Has just recently has gotten an answering machine (but of course OM picls it up)<BR>Snail mail may be an alternative… but again OM will just open it anyway.<BR><B>But</B>… I will most definitely let her know I fought the $250.00 sanction!<BR>I do think time <B>is on my side</B>. From the OM's message to me… he has NO idea of the cost of attorneys in NJ ($200/hr minimum… $275/hr for me)… and how much my W will have to dish out. Not to mention that my W owes my son $25K-$30K in accrued Social Security benefits (of which she most likely only has about 10%)<BR>Will this impact the OM's decision to stay with my W?… I'm not sure… Will OM be willing to help her out??? Only God knows!<BR>Thanks for your unique sense of humor… it is appreciated. <P><B>acacia</B>…<BR>Gosh… I do have to follow my own words and walk the talk… no contact with OM! <P><B>Bill</B>…<BR>The more I realize (as my replies to other's posts over the past several months have been) it is right. <B>It doesn't matter what the OM had to say…</B> of what real value is it to anyone!<BR>Thanks for your concern too. <P><B>NoTrust</B>…<BR>Unfortunately there are few avenues of communication. All allow the OM to see/hear… and she will NOT give me her work number. Oh well.<BR>Thank you… <P><B>Rcoaster</B>…<BR>Yes… after the staples are removed… it will be a bikini scar… <BR>I hope you don't want a picture… LOL <P><B>Repenting</B>…<BR>There are just so many ways my W will let me communicate with her… and that is that.<BR>I appreciate the prayers… <BR>I do hope the divorce does not go through… but I have to be realistic… It could/should/and probably will happen (unless as in my reply to Tim… the OM gives up.) What is to happen then?…Was my marriage a covenant or a contract?… Well… it was a covenant!… and to me what that does that mean?… In terms of a new possible future relationship for me… maybe… I am catholic and have done substantial research on annulments (in fact I helped my W with hers!)… In it, I see a possibility… but for now… it is nowhere in my thoughts!<BR>Yes… I see the need for time in a Plan B!<BR>Good thoughts… [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Kat</B>…<BR>So right… So right…<BR>By the book! Keeps it simple. [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR>Bless you… [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>--------------------------<P><B>Everyone</B>…<BR>Thanks! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>Jim<BR>

Jim,<P>Hope you are feeling better. Glad your dr. appointment is soon. <P>I understand your long distance plan A as we are both in this together. You know I wouldn't want to get your hopes up but it doesn't sound like she really wants this divorce. I mean I would think that nothing would stop her from coming after all she knew well in advance and she could have figured out a way to make the appointment. Just an observation. Ignore the OM you might email back and say that you never have gotten the answer to your question. Just wanted to know if she got your email. Act like you never got his. Sould upset him that you are ignoring him. <P>Remember jusst before Christmas I got that letter from my H about still wanting a divorce then I realized that the OW addressed the envelope. Then letter found out that she stood over him while he wrote it and told him what to write. I just ignored it like it never happened and still send my letters as I have before I am sure it makes her mad.<BR>Lots of {{{{{{{{{{{{{{HGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

<B>((((({{{{{{{{{{JIM}}}}}}}}}})))))</B><P>Re: HEALTH- follow your doctor's advise and <B> quit posting for a few days, give your eyes a break </B>. Try to listen to music & to meditate and pray instead.<P>Re:CONTACTING THE OM- <B> NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO </B><P>Re: CONTACTING YOUR WIFE- Try asking your children for her mom's address at work (if you get the Ph. number or company name it't will be enough to find out the address), then <B> send her a message by UPS or similar; </B>if OM's message contains something that may help your cause include a copy of it stating something like "I don't think there should be any secrets regarding this". You could mention your efforts to help her to get out of the $250 fine but it is not as important since she decided not to go knowing there a was a risk- <B>you didn't LB</B>.<P><B>KEEP YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN!!!</B>.<P>Take care, Jim, <B>we love you</B><P>Alex<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>

Hi Jim,<P>I will keep this short to save your vision.<P>1. DO NOT give OM the time of day. I agree with the rest here.<P>2. Try corresponding with your wife with registered mail. That way, OM couldn't possibly intercept your letters.<P>Hang in there. We're all here for you & are standing behind you.