my husband and I have been married for 6 years and have 4 children under 5. He is an excellent man and leader of our home. He is very active with the children. It just drives me crazy when he spends hours playing chess on the internet. I just see this as a lazy activity and I could really use some help around the house. I have been praying about this for over a year and I could really use soome solid wisdom and counsel.

hello....welcome....someone will be along with the formal welcome....trust me.<P>when you need help, do you ask him for help?...<P>I've started interupting my H's online games when I specifically need his help, and we also had a discussion about how much time he is gaming, and agreed that for one week, I would keep a log of exactly how much time he spends online, gaming.<P>this helps in 2 ways...you can document and then show him that you are concerned with it if it is truly an inordinate amount of time, and interferes with real life, or. it can show you that the time spent is not really as much as you thought, and you can still compromise....certain days, he can cut his time in half, and help you out...<P>thank goodness it's chess and not porn, or shoot 'em up and kill 'em for 5 hours...<P>on a personal note, I remember when Deut (my H, who also posts here) would wake up at 8am-ish, get a coffe, sit down, light a cigarette, turn on 'the game', play for 30-45 minutes, then go to work, come home at1 in the afternoon, sit down, grab a coffee, and play for maybe, oh, 3 hours, virtually ignoring me and the children...then go to the next job (he is a handyman, and many of these days were spent working at OW's), come home later at maybe 10 pm and eat, sit down, and play game until 2 or 3 am...<P>truly though, this new plan has helped us.....I keep a log, H sees how much time is really on the computer, and he has scaled down his time, and more is getting done around the house...<P>nothing to lose....<P>Dylan<p>[This message has been edited by soulloss (edited March 04, 2000).]

I do ask for help and if it is something urgent he will come right away and then he will jump back on the computer. How do I approach him about keeping a log. If I could estimate it for today he played for about 5 hours. please help. <P><p>[This message has been edited by wife (edited March 04, 2000).]

hey there....<P>don't approach him about the log ......<P>keep a log for yourself for about 2 weeks first...<P>keep asking him for help in the meantime though...<P>then, sit down with him and show him, but telling him first that you want to talk to him, then outline the problem as it appears to you, back up your concerns with the log, and ask him for his opinions as to how you could effect some sort of compromise.<P>hope that helps..?? <P>Dylan

Thanks so much for the input. I am going to try it

Wife,<P>Why not learn to play yourself ? Then he can play with you. Ask him to teach you how.<P>This is something he seems to enjoy doing so join in. I know chess seems awefully boring, but it truely can be fun.<P>Whem my h started playing I was upset because he was playing a lot with friends and family and not being with me, so I found a set and asked him to teach me to play.<P>Be glad he's not at the porn sites, or Iming or chating with other women.<P>I think you may find it fun to have something new to do together. Put the little ones to bed early a few nights a week and go for it, if you let him know you want to share his interests he may even help you with getting the little ones ready for bed.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>