How many of your spouses would sit at home saying they were too tired, etc. to take you out? <P>My H never wanted to do anything. Now that the OP is in the picture he is never at his apartment. He is always going to the bars, out to dinner, or to the movies,etc. <P>I was just wondering if this is also a common trait of betrayers since they all seem to use the same ol lines. <P>

Oh yes!!!!!!!!<P>Before the affair my H was always so tired to do anything. With good reason, we were both exausted all the time ( we both had more than one job ) and when we were finally home we were just so tired...<P>However, when the affair started, he seemed to have gotten a second wind. Was always visiting friends, and going out for a drink with them ( guess who was in the group of friends ),coming home was later than usual, and was rarely home. <BR>When he had to be home, he would just sit there watching tv, or sleeping. <P>However when I found out - which was in the same week it started , I decided that I needed to do something, so I starting arranging for all this things we needed to do together, and places we needed to go and in a way, even before the affair started we were dong more things together than we had in the past years. At first it would be only things that were needed, like take the kids to the dentist ( something I had been doing by myself even though I don't drive, because I knew he needed to rest ) , or go shping for something we needed. Gradually it became different. Like recreational things - safe ones like going to a computer show, or take the kids swimming stuff like that that weren't really "romantic" just practicall. As time passed - although the affair was still on, it went for about 4/5 months - we started going out for dinner or for a drink, or just out for a walk together etc.<BR>I think this helped. WHen the affair ended we were so used to do everything together, and to go out here and then, that even though we're still working many hours and we're both tired, we always have time to do things together and to go out regularly.<P>Take care<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Tulip,<BR> I'm sure my W is having the time of her life.But when we were together,and went for a walk,she didn't want to go up a hill.She was too tired.When she hooked up with Romeo,she could hike for miles with him.Amazing,isn't it?But then he's 11 years younger than her,so I'm sure she's really having a hard time keeping up with him.Maybe he'll wear her out! --Murph

My x has gone to two gun shows(the one she took our son) along with the om and has also gone to wholesale auto parts distributor. She would never do anything with me that she didn't like. <P>Anytime we would go to a party where I would know people she would want to leave fairly soon. Any parties her friends with have I would go and she would end up spending time with them.<P>We couldn't do all the trips she is doing now, because we didn't have somebody else pay for them, plus we had kids.<P>Now she has no responsibilities!

Yes, my X did this too....<P>He would get home from work and plop down in front of the TV. We didn't even talk much, or even play games at home. I hinted, I asked, I begged, I pleaded, I fought, and then I gave up. I wasn't asking to go out dancing every night, or to sit up till all hours playing cards... just every once in a while (once a month to go out somewhere besides just to eat, and one night every other week to play cards or go for a walk or anything besides watch TV!).<P>Well, all of a sudden, he started going out to bars after work, going out dancing and to parties.... all without me. I wasn't invited except for one time when he knew I couldn't/wouldn't go. <P>It seemed like the only time he "made an effort" was when he knew it wouldn't work.... like wanting to go for a walk one night when it was 29 degrees outside.... or when I had to be at work very early the next day... or had other plans already. Then he could say that whenever HE wanted to do these things I didn't.<P>OK, my vent is over now.<P>Thougths & Prayers<BR>B<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>