I received the SAA book from Amazon 2 days ago and I have to admit that I have never read a book that fast before. I'm now on my 2nd readthrough.<P>My wife is still living in our house for some days every week (to be with the children apparently - so I'm letting her be with us and I'm trying to PLAN A). Now that I've received the book, if my wife is interested in reading the book should I let her or could that do more damage than good?<P>Our status: she says she don't want to work on our marriage (even if we never have worked on it before). She has lost her love for me and is having an emotional affair with her boss (it might be an PA but I don't think so yet). I refuse to leave the house so she comes to see the children a few days every week. We try to discuss now and then (but more seldom now), but it seems that love busters are hard to avoid. And our discussions always makes me feel like Bill Murray in "Groundhog day" (deja vue feeling). There is no propagation any way in our discussions. She says we wants different things (I want to work on the marriage and she doesn't). I think she doesn't believe it's possible to find back the love. Harley tells us different, but how can I convince her without LBing? She's not very open to book-solutions as she calls the Harley methods (she has read the article about "restoring love to your marriage"). She says it's forced and unnatural. Feelings just have to be there naturally she keeps telling me.

I should add that I don't think she will read the book, but what if she asks?<P>The things I'm concerned about most is if there is any problems related to her knowing about the PLAN A/B so that she knows what I'm doing all the time in order to try to save our marriage? <P>PS: 2 days ago I told her: "Have you got a new haircut?", "Yes", she dais. "It's nice" I said. "Hmph...You never said that before when I had this kind of haircut".<BR>It's quite difficult not to seem forced and unnatural while PLAN Aing (I think admiration is high on her emotional needs priority list).

scandinavian,<P>There really isn't much in the book that would hurt you... if she read the book.<P>I few people did propose that if their spouses read the book... they may learn how to love the OP better... I personally discount that theory...<P>Others worry about... the spouse recognizing your movement to Plan B... I again think... that is not a big deal... especially if they realize there are only 2 outcomes from Plan B.<P>In general... forcing the book on your spouse is considered a Love Buster in most cases... since it can be viewed as a form of "education"/"jugdement" of her.<P>If she really would like to read it on her own... I'd say go ahead.<P>If you can stay on a consistant... non-ending Plan A... (even if she knows what it's all about)... you can do find.<P>A better book for <B>her</B> to read, IMHO, would be <BR><A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0393307077" TARGET=_blank><B>Private Lies :</B> Infidelity and Betrayal of Intimacy</A> by Frank Pittman. It more clearly spells out the potential problems of a relationships started through affairs! Leave this one around the house for her to find. There was a book review on it on the forum... check it out... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/007137.html" TARGET=_blank>Private Lies</A>.<P>I hope this helped... <P>Jim

My H read it...I think it helped him understand his feelings for OP a little better, and why he had trouble feeling for our relationship.<P>If she wants to read it, I'd say that's a good sign.<P>Kathi

Or the book Give and Take. (Also by Harley) Not related to affair, but a story of a couple who had little love and many love busters turning their lives around.<P>If she would read it, I would highly recommend it. It flows like a story, explains love banks, and may give her HOPE that the love can be found again.<P>I think many people don't want to work on their marriages because they don't have that hope that it can be really good. It just seems so impossible at the time.<P>But it really works. We are closer than we were even before the affair!