Mercy<BR> Meet CAJ1<P>CAJ1<BR> Meet mercy<P>You two can really help each other. CAJ1 you have my phone number and email address so still feel free to call ANYTIME.<P>Thanks Mercy<P>Joe<BR>

Hey Joe, (now I sound like Jimmie Hendrix LOL )<P>Just wanted to see how things are going with you and your wife???? Hope all is well! <P>Mitzi

Mitzi,<P> Well as time goes by I seem to realize more and more that I need to grow up. I find myself to be self centered.<P> The wife has been stuggling with her medication. Last night she laid in bed and was shaking from it for about an hour. She is not going thru He!! she is stuck in the middle of it. What's bad is that last week or so I found myself thinking how I would like to make love on my birthday and that's 2 months off. Then I added that to the lack of it so far this year and I developed an big chip on my shoulder. <P> I have found that when I get like this I start this head game and basicly get cold and distinct. I keep my distinct so as to not even think about sex. The bottom line is I become self centered, I develop this false feelings towards her.<P> I try to live by "For better .. for worst ... in sickness and it health" but I see someone who only thinks they live by and doesn't practice it.<P> The doctor changed her medication last weekend and it really messed her up. Her physclogist explained it as being in a car and punch both the gas and brakes at the same time and with both of that happening she was in the middle and broke. The shrink did convince her to take a trip for a few weeks back to visit her family. I think it's a great idea so when I got home I PUSHED the issue. She has a fear of flying but she is going to do it and go first class all the way, I hope it helps her.<P> Maybe during those two weeks I can adjust my head. I to develop an approach to going over the emotional needs. I believe it is important, I don't think we really understand each other as much as we claim. The shrink got on my case a while back about being here and she doesn't care for it. The shrink wants me to studying her and reading her for a book. I've tried to explan it to her but there is a BIG double standard here in that it was alright for her to go to another man but it is different for me to come here nameless and locationless. The internet has become a topic that does really get talked about much anymore.<P> There is a thread out there by mercy (?) titled "Attention men what are you needs .." I put a few replies in there and you can see my fustration. I was one of those who thought I didn't need to vent while I WAS WRONG and it did help me to realize what was going on in my head.<P> Boy, have I ever been rambling but this really helps me. <P>Thanks for asking, How are things going on your end ?????????????????<P> Joe <BR>

Joe,<P>No matter what is going on in our lives, with all the strain and stress we are under, we all need to vent. It's just too hard on us physically and emotionally to hold it all in. <P>Maybe the time away will be good for your wife and for you. It will give both of you time to reflect on what has been happening so far. Take some deep breaths and relax. <P>As for me, things are going ok. I had my first hearing on Friday and child support was ordered. H was also given visitation every other weekend, but has to keep them at his mom's. OW is not allowed around them. Plus he is not allowed to drink when he has them. If he does, he will be taken back to court on contempt charges. This does make me happy. So far though, the kids still haven't heard from him. He hasn't seen them since Feb. 12th and hasn't spoken to them since March 5th. It's aggravating but I can't force him to see them. Considering the mind-frame he is in, maybe it's good that he doesn't see them. <P>The only other problem I have is finances. I'm so far behind on all the bills but hopefully I'll get caught up in the next 2 weeks. My father is going to get a loan for me so that along with the child support and Bob's half of the bills, I'll be starting out fresh and new. Hopefully by May 1st, the only debts I'll have will be 1/2 of the house payment and the loan payment. (besides utilities). Should make life a lot easier financially. <P>Emotionally, I'm doing pretty good. It's hard because I still love him some but I know I can't go back to that relationship. It's not the best thing for me or my kids. I will have to say, this has been the most physically and emotionally exhausting thing I have ever gone thru. But I have learned so much about me and that I'm stronger than what I thought. As the song says "I will survive!"<P>Take care, (and vent when you need to!)<P>Mitzi

Mitzi,<P> Glad to hear your holding up. This is my second marriage, the first was right out of high school. Something you may want to think about is to keep a log of each vist and what happened. From the sounds of it you really don't want him around the kids till he changes. I got temp custody and then kept a log. The log ended up being used against my first wife and I got custody. The problem with this is that it will put you in the mind set to pick him apart. I you are not concerned about tearing him or your feelings for him apart this may help. It could also be hard on you. The reason for doing this would be the in the event you want him gine and no vistation this will help. Without a permant record of some type it becomes his word against yours.<P> It's sad when it gets to this stage and I feel bad for you. I only bring this up from that cold relistic side that only sees black and white. The emotional side sees a lot more and this can do a good job on your head and your heart so think good and hard about it first.<P> I have talked to others about not spying on their spouse and this very well come put you right into the middle of it.<P>Only a thought<BR>Joe<BR>

Joe,<P>I've already been keeping a record of all of his visits and phone calls. Not much to record since he hasn't seen them for 2 months. I even had to sit down and write down dates and stuff about all the times he hit me. (At least the ones I could remember clearly) Some of them I could remember the dates.<P>I don't mind him being around the kids as long as it is at his mom's. I just don't want him at the OW's house. His mom won't let him do anything that he's not supposed to. And she would tell me if he did. She doesn't want him hauled in on contempt charges. <P>If it's necessary to spy on him, I won't do it. My attorney has a PI that works for him. He does alot of the dirty work. I don't want to see them together. I think I would be sick for days. It's bad enough thinking about it. <P>I hope you got some good ideas about what to do for your wife on her trip. I thought they were excellent.<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi