I just read your reply to Brainfart. The part about how you viewed the woman that your husband slept with as a non-theat. Wow, do I know how you feel. The OM that my W had her most recent affair with(1996-1999, discovery Jan. 2000) fell exactly into that category. First off, he and I had be been friends??? for almost 30 years. Second, he is very unattractive and has poor personal hygiene, I'm not Rock Hudson or anything but am at least average cute. Third he is a laborer with a very spotty work record, I'm a senior software engineer. Fourth, he is in his 40's and has never been married, W and I have been married 26 years. Fifth, he is still living in his mother's old house that she gave him when she remarried, I've taken good care of my wife and family the entire 26 years we've been married. He doesn't even have a checking account in his own name, and was dishonorably discharged from the Army for Heroin addiction(admittedly he's been clean for 25 years). Out of all of the people on the entire earth that I have ever known, he is clearly the last one that I would have ever suspected my W of having and EA and PA with!! Due the fact that I thought there was absolutely no chance of a threat from him I allowed all sorts of situations to occur, that they took full advantage of, that I clearly wouldn't have allowed under almost any other circumstances. You just can't be too careful! Oh well, live and learn.<P>------------------<BR>

Sadboy:<P>You and I really seem to have goofed when it came to assessing the "threat," so to speak.<P>It took me a long time to get over (if I really have) the "Why HER????" feelings. There are a lot of things that contributed, but bottom line I have learned not to try to substitute a good resume for constant attention. My H really needed a friend to do things with, and there she was. I was worrying about all the wrong emotional needs.<P>And, you're right. You just can't be too careful. But don't beat yourself up too much. I'm afraid I don't know your story, but you sound like a great guy and I hope that you're trying to turn this into a learning experience and not letting it eat you up inside. (If you succeed completely, will you let me know how? )<P>Thanks for the support! You take care. --HBC

Thanks for the supportive response, I really needed that. I'm not really over the 'Why HIM??', but I'm trying hard to get there. It sure is alot harder to get over than I ever would have thought. Good luck in getting over your 'Why HER??'. My prayers go out to you.