Hi everyone,<P>My H e-mailed me and wants to talk with me. I'm in Plan A but I don't feel like I want to talk to him, I don't know why, I just DON'T.<P>We have a joint counseling session on Monday, I will be there, I think. But right now I am having a hard time even thinking about talking to him. What's going on with me? Below is his email (Ellie is our counselor):<P>Dear Joanne,<BR>I have tried to call you many many times. There has been no answer and no answering machine. I thought you were so digusted with me you did not want to talk to me anymore.<BR>The last session with Ellie was pretty rough. I know she must be reflecting how you feel.<P>I'm here in Gig Harbor at TCC doing Math Lab and E-mailing my resume to the Internship instructor. I have been going 100 miles an hour during this finals week. Things will slow down soon I hope. My house is almost ready and I'll have a phone # soon.<P>LV<BR>Me<BR>

Resilient,<P>I read your posts every time I see one. btw, I like your new name! You definitely are resilient. You have been through so much and it breaks my heart to see your H treat you the way he does. <P>One thing I can't remember, though, is how long have you been in plan a? I think you said not too long ago that you LB'd big time. Maybe it's too soon for a plan b, but what the heck, can't you take a trial sample of no contact for a weekend and see how it goes? One condition though. You MUST do something for yourself that makes you happy!

Jo:<P>There are times when the last thing I want to do is hear my husband's voice but I can't get away from him (thank God for his sojourns). <P>Could be when things have been intense, you need to back off a while and gather your resources for the next round. Maybe that is what you are doing and if that's true then you need the space to maintain your equilibrium. There's just so much you can take.<P>So forget him if you can for the weekend. Do something you enjoy. Exercise is a great stress reliever (I've worn the tread off two pairs of NIKEs in the last year). Last week I hiked with a friend and got lost in the woods...not seriously lost just off the path...but it was fun...give it a try. There is always some kind of festival going on near here and we intend to attend a few (including the Watermelon Festival). It's better then sitting home stewing about everything.<P>Have a good weekend and take care of yourself.<P>Buffy<P><BR> <P> <P>

I agree with Buffy. Sometimes we just need a break. Sometimes we have to stop thinking about how the other person is feeling and that maybe we are hurting them so that we can have enough strength to deal with what might be an unpleasant situation. <P>I have often felt like you, but always left the door open for my H to waltz through anytime he wanted to regardless of how I felt about contact right then. I thought it was my opportunity to do something good, but I found that when I am not in the right mood for it or just am not up for it, it often doesn't produce any good results- maybe not bad results, but not good ones either. And isn't that what we want to leave them with?<P>I also feel that if we allow them to dictate when we were have contact, they just take it all for granted. They need to know that you have a schedule and life that needs to be worked around too. In my case, that is a huge part of the reason we are where we are. I acquienced to EVERYTHING my H wanted, so he never saw a need to compromise on anything.<P>Take a break and do what you need to do for you. Maybe when you are ready, he will be ready too. Good luck.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Resilient:<BR><B> I'm in Plan A but I don't feel like I want to talk to him, I don't know why, I just DON'T.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is exactly the same way I'm feeling. I haven't been able to figure out why yet though. Could it be that:<P>1) I'm in withdrawal<BR>2) I'm detaching<BR>3) My subconsciousness is "doing a 180" on her?<BR>4) I'm afraid of being hurt more.<BR>5) Any other suggestions?<P>Just a few months ago I was sitting by the phone waiting for her to call me, now I "fear" her calls even if we seem to be more friendly towards eachother now.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Scandinavian<BR>scandinavian@my-deja.com

Hi Resilient -<P>Me again!!!! LOL!!!<P>You say you don't know why you don't want to talk to him.....sorry, but you have to figure it out!!!<P>More than likely it is a combo of what scandinavian said....which boil down to fears, your own projections of what may or may not happen, etc.<P>While you are figuring out your own head, keep to Plan A with regard to H and simply send him an EMail in response to his!!!<P>Tell him that things are busy and your time is short at the moment, apologize for missing his calls and ask if you can get back to him next week when things will not be so hectic and your head isn't so flustered with this "busy-ness".<P>Or something to that effect.....<P>This will show him that you are not "disgusted" or whatever and will show that you care. Meanwhile, you have the time to get a grip on what it is that is REALLY keeping you from wanting to talk to him.....or deal with this situation.<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba