Hey everyone,<P>My H moved into his own place. Don't know if this is good or bad. He has called SILs and asked them for spare furniture, he has NOTHING. He didn't want anything household related when he left ... he knew better. He's 45 yo and has nothing, even his car is falling apart, 250K miles on it. Sad.<P>He told SIL that he is worried about me, she thought that was strange he shared that with her. She told him to be fair and kind to me. Sounds like the converation led to "I'm in love w/OW and will never return". <P>SIL advice to me is not to let him call me all the time or be there for his support, says he is using me. Says he is fearful of losing that 20 yr family tie w/me, and he needs to grow up. Says I'm not doing him any favors by being there for him and the best favor I could do is cut him off, because then he has to face reality.<P>I was so glad to read the thread Sheba responded to on Missy9's post. I too am feeling there may be no hope. I also feel I want to just show my H I don't need him. He thinks so very much of himself. "I'm worried about Joanne" sheeesh, what about when I was so sick from the radiation treatments all those months, he didn't lift a finger, instead he & OW piled abuse and blame on me non-stop. And NOW he's worried about me. Why NOW?????<P>I've noticed something in the last week or so, I start to feel better the less I accept any contact from my H. Why is that? Is it just a relief from the 8 mos of walking on eggshells and eating the abuse? When I do allow contact from him, I go right back to worry and stress mode. Again, why is that?<P>We have a joint counseling appt on Monday, I thinking of not showing. I think this session is pivotal, because I've told our counselor I don't want him to continue to go if it's not to work on the marriage. I believe he's going to bring closure to this, and to find some relief from his massive guilt. Also to be redeemed so he can say "I TRIED, I WENT TO COUNSELING, didn't I?"<P>I know I sound angry and defensive in my post. I don't want to be, but I feel I'm being manipulated again.<P>Yes, I still love my H. Can I just be his friend, his chit chat buddy after all this? I don't believe so. I miss him but he's not the same person anymore. He talks just like OW and acts like someone else. That hurts!<P>Jo

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Resilient:<BR><B>I've noticed something in the last week or so, I start to feel better the less I accept any contact from my H. Why is that? Is it just a relief from the 8 mos of walking on eggshells and eating the abuse? When I do allow contact from him, I go right back to worry and stress mode. Again, why is that?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I have felt the same. I think it means that we are finally able to see some sunshine in the midst of the clouds, but I also worry if it is a dangerous place to be? It is delusional to think that life is grand without the X and it was all their problem? Will that lead to not working on the issues that brought me here? I just want to do everything right, so I think about these things.

R,<BR>Are you saying you're ready for Plan b? I'm at the beginning stages of figuring out what plan A is, so I'm reluctant to say anything. I can't help but feeling, however, that you have some more plan a left in you. Skipping the session on Monday might be a LB to your H. It doesn't matter what other people think. Like your SIL, I'm amazed at what you've put up with too. Maybe you will be better off without your H someday. But... have you done a good plan a?? Have you plan a'd long enough for your H to know what he can expect from you consistently? Plan B as I understand it doesn't allow for any waffling. I'm hoping for all the best for you Jo.