Hi all. I need some advice one more time. I am meeting with my wife..with whom I have been physically separated about 2 months now.<BR>She moved out when I caught her spending the night with OM#2 the night after my 40th birthday when she supposedly broke up OM #1 and "re-dedicated herself to our marriage" and "needed a little time with a girlfriend to think things through".<P>She says she does not want a divorce. However, she has not stopped seeing OM #2 her 'just friendship" with OM#2 and that I have no right to tell her who she can or can't see and that I have no right to question her or my daughter, who she has introduced to this person, on the premise that she "has her own place now and pays the rent" .<P>If she does not want a divorce, then why play this other game of independence and the right to privacy? <P>We were supposed to have a meeting tonight to discuss whether or not to save our marriage. But she won't come out and say she wants to commit and save it with 100% of her efforts. In fact, she won't hint at what she intends at all. I am of the opinion that she is willing to come back to the marriage as long as her needs are met. But I'm pretty sure mine will not be.<P>Any suggestions on how to handle this meeting? Because otherwise, I'm going in there and throwing a major love buster, because I am no longer willing to tolerate status quo.<P>Thanks

Hi John -<P>Sorry, but I just got here and saw your post.....<P>Did you meet with her?<P>What happened?<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<BR>

Hi John:<P>Not much help this afternoon, huh. Probably not much help this evening either. Don't know what to tell you. Seems like once the dam of infidelity is broken it's harder to stop the water from drowning everything.<P>Is your wife in a MLC, jumping from one affair to another, trying to prove something?<P>Is she trying to prove you don't have control of her anymore? That's she's free now.<P>I don't know your story, but it doesn't seem like OM#2 is your problem, your wife is. This doesn't seem like a love affair...or a foggy situation...appears more like a wife experimenting with a new found freedom...and not willing to give it up to come back to a marriage with walls around it. Is this a possibility? If it is, then you have work to do in Plan A...trying to make her feel safe and protected in your marriage while free to be herself. <P>You certainly have a right to have your own needs met however. Sometimes H's have a tendency to be non-verbal about their needs, they assume that we wives know what they are, but sometimes we don't. Could this be a problem? Let her know...negotiate for what you need...tit for tat. I would have appreciated this chance.<P>Sorry we couldn't be more help, but hope things went well anyway. Let us know how they went.<P>Buffy<P><BR>

How did things go?<P>Until you know what is going on, I think it's better to just show love and support and keep the lines of communication open. It's good that you met. I hope it was productive.

well well well...very interesting twist... i just found out my wife has still be seeing OM #1 And OM #2. The way I found out is she really did break up with OM #1 last night...according to her...and he trashed our van...keyed it broke mirrors, broke passenger seats, smashed stereo etc.<P>She says she's finally learned her lesson...the hard way...but I still don't think so.<P>Anyway, looks like it's going to be all over with. I don't think she has what it takes or wants to put it back together<P>

((((john)))) whatever is decided.....you must take care of yourself...do not spend time obsessing about what your wife will or won't do....that is her decision to make...and it may take time...even years to her to fully realize who she is and what she wants......she sounds terribly confused right now.....<P>I am sure that if she does not at this moment, at some time she will regret what she has done.....to you and to herself....<BR>how you respond to her now and when she comes to that realization will affect whether or not she ever comes back to you.....<P>if that is what you want.....or need....if it is something that you cannot live with....something you cannot forgive or forget....it may be best for the two of you to not get back together.....<P>there is a lot of pain and anguish.....that you are going through and she is too.....she may not recognize herself....and too afraid that she cannot ever find herself.....<P>I hope and pray that you both get into counseling and can find peace and happiness....whether it be apart or together.....<P>please be gentle about how you speak to the kids about their mother.....no matter what she has done.....let them make their own decisions about her.....do not bad mouth her to them.....it will only end up hurting the kids.....<P>good luck<BR>

Hello Still Dreaming...The one thing I never do is put my wife down in front of my daughter. <P>Even in this situation, my daughter wanted to know why everything was broken...I just told her that there had been an accident. but that her mother was ok and uninjured...I never let her know the real reason...<P>If my wife would finally recognize all the negative things she is doing and give them up...there would still be hope for us...but I don't think she has it in to comprehend to what extent she has gone.