Okay, I handled Tina calling my house, I handled her leaving a message on my machine saying that my H was a "Lying, cheating, ba$[censored]," I handled seeing Susan (the so-called friend who told me about his supposed philadering and then asked him out when we split. She's also responsible for introducing him to Tina and Janine!) at Wal-Mart yesterday. But finding the AAA receipt for a date while I was in Dallas for a car that was not ours (it was Tina's) - that's when it hit the fan.<P>I screamed about what he did with Janine, demanded to know if anything else happened with Tina or Cassandra, totally bashed all 3 of them. It wasn't a pretty situation. Finally, both of us did calm down and we talked about it. He's saying that Tina's harrassing him because he "broke Janine's heart." (okay, if she thinks that a MARRIED MAN that she has known for not even a WEEK is going to give her the world, she's dumber than she looks!) He's upset about her calling here - if she calls again, we're changing our phone #.<P>Also, I found out that my H has been a LURKER in this forum! So thanks to all of you who told me not to send the letter, but he saw it anyway. So he knows all about Plan A, what I'm doing, my thoughts and the LB's I've put on here. I came on last night and showed him my response to Weep's "Adultery Tormentors" thread. He was amazed that I actually felt that way, and he did admit that he knows how hard I've been trying.<P>So does this change things, since he knows about Plan A and occasionally checks this site himself (hi honey ) Is it possible for this site to fully work if both spouses become regular posters (I don't know if he would yet). Day 4 of Plan A now begins, hopefully I won't have another hiccup for a long time. Thanks again to everybody who puts up with my ramblings - this definitely beats journaling!

Hey<P>maybe Mr carolina belle can post a reply to help me deal with some of my endless questions. Can a man love the wife so much that he will do anything - yes even prostitute and humiliate himself to be with a woman he deemed ugly and threatening - to protect the marriage?<P>Is it possible to have sex without feelings or even liking the person? What do a man mean when he says it is only physical and mechanical?<P>Maybe your H can help post me a reply as well as other spouses. I hope lurking will make him understand how precious his wife is and how he can treat her like the treasure she is. Life is short and when we reach our old age, you want to spend it with family and friends who will love and support you, not women who have little idea what commitment and honour mean.

Re: being on the forum together<P>My H (posted as Guard) & I were both on the forum briefly, it was not good for us at the point we were at--separated, I was preparing to serve D papers. He truly had had a turnaround and I didn't believe it (it was our 7th separation, I'd heard a lot of it before and watched him break all the promises).<P>But I've gone back to his posts and he has kept the promises he made. But the posts I made & continued to make hurt him. He still checks once in awhile to see what I'm saying, but for the most part I think I'm pretty positive about him and our marriage now...however posts that deal with that past aren't good for him. <P>I don't think you can probably keep your H off the site, once he knows about it, it's too tempting to take the easy route to find out what the other is thinking, or doing.

It has worked for some...it's not necessarily a bad thing at all. That's for you two to decide.<P>As for knowing what you're doing, well, Plan A is no big secret. Good, glad he knows. Then, if he reads enough, he'll also know that Plan A is a way to change your life permanently....not some ploy just to save your marriage but a plan to become the best person that you can be. That's a very positive thing for him to know. <P>Everyone lb's from time to time....it's part of the deal. Just keep working, keep growing, keep learning.<P>And, if he decides to post, well, Welcome Mr. Carolina Belle! We'll be your friends and support group as well....our members consist of those on BOTH sides of this fence and we love and help everyone.<P>Robert doesn't post, but he does read from time to time. Fine with me. I didn't delete a word from any of my many (WAYYYYY too many ) posts! We've BOTH been through a lot during this mess and we both have a lot to learn. Can't think of a better place to learn it.<P>Good luck to you both!<P>Love and prayers,<P>Lori

C Belle<P>Lb'n it seems to be the hardest thing NOT to do. Last night, my H told me he was again "too tired" to do our recommended talking(by our therapist.) This is another night, since last Friday night(When the OW broke the silence--back to zero!)<P>Finally, I tried to be nice. I said I was concerned that for the past three weeks (d-day) he has really said nothing more to relieve his pent up mind. I said I wanted to help him be able to release his pain, because I was worried about him. He simply said, "I'm confused. You know I keep everything inside." <P>I said, "but now is your chance to change it, and I am sure that you and *** didn't sit in silence on the phone every day when you called her 5 times a day!" <P>Yes it got worse.<P>I accused him of lying to me about sticking to the two month no-contact. He just shook his head; I was wrong and I knew it when I said it, I just wanted to blast him because he is not making an effort! He just wallows in self-pity. And it is made worse by the fact that he has no one else to talk to, no friend in whom he would like unburden himself to. He is too ashamed. <P>So, you are not the only one, I seem to do it all the time! I am not very good at keeping LB's at bay!