schizzo,<P>She actually said two things A) that she hadn't been putting forth the effort, and B) that she was ready to put her "friendship" with OM behind her.<P>I asked if that means that her feelings for him had changed since last year when she made some very strong statements about him. She merely said "To answer that I would have to think about him and I have decided not to do that". Maybe I'm just a pessimist, but that answer didn't give me the warm fuzzies.<P>The one really positive thing she said is that she understands that I will be skeptical of her words, and that she knows she has to prove herself with actions. I thought that was very sensible of her to acknowwledge that. Too bad she didn't also have any kind of plan to make this happen. <P>If she doesn't have a plan things just don't get done. For several months our counselor tried to get her to spend 5 minutes a day in couple time with me. Every week he asked about it and every week she said "it was a busy week and we didn't have time." So we actually had to sit there in front of him and plan those 5 minutes a day for the next week. Oh yeah, that was a real ego booster.
<P>So I think I am completely justified in pressing her for an action plan. I haven't consulted the Harleys. Our counselor is pretty good. W wouldn't participate with the Harleys anyway. She won't look at a book (any books), read posts or anything.<P>The other good news is that intimacy returned after a LOOOONG year. Few and far between, but a definite improvement!<P>There is progress, but it is excrutiatingly slow. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>If you haven't had this kind of help, you may want to try the phone counselling. For me, affection was big. I drew up a list, he had to give me 3 hugs, say I love you, etc. It was all a choice he made, not some gushy feelings. But still it was true, he did love me, though not in-love.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Eeew. Were these "forced" actions satisfying to you? My W has a way of demonstrating her reluctant, obligatory cooperation with this sort of "forced" activity that sucks any value right out of it. It is a form of passive aggression that she is an expert at.<P>------------------<BR>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.<BR>Galatians 5:22-23<p>[This message has been edited by 2sad4words (edited September 13, 2000).]