I could really use some advice. Alot has happened. I managed to confirm PA and not just EA...I'm having a bit of trouble with this realization, but I pretty much knew anyway, so I'll survive. However, she has been doing small things to indicate that she might move towards saving our marriage (wants me to join a sport with her, talked about getting us closer). However, more importantly, I know she wrote the OM and said she loves him but knows her days are numbered. Seems to be cracks opening up, some arguing, he doesn't want kids around, etc. As painful as all this was to find out about, I'm planning next steps. She is still in denial stage though, but I have more things to tell her that I know about, so that must end soon (I hope). Even if she wants to remain (hasn't moved out yet), it won't be easy for me. It is very sickening, as you know. But I'll try. But is it time to tell her to give up OM, or perhaps tell her that she has a finite time with which to do so, or do you think just keep Plan A and tell her about the fog and that I'll be here for her. I'm just a bit confused myself.<P>Can anyone tell me a usual amount of time from when cracks start to when they finally give it up and want back, if in fact that will even happen. It hurts to know about the "I love you" crap, any words of wisdom are appreciated, because this was a really bad day, but in one way it shows some hope because I see the cracks and she is one heck of a confused person. She told me she missed me 2 days ago, but I figured alot of that was guilt.<P>I'm not even sure what to really ask today. This website (ie. everyone reading this) has been a gift throughout this terrible phase. Thanks for any help or simply words of wisdom.

I have no advice for you, Rick, but I'm bringing this to the top for you because I think your post got lost in the "shutdown".<P>This new discovery must be devastating to you, Rick. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get some guidance here and support to get you through these rough days. I'm so sorry.<P>Catnip =^^=

Rick, it seems your post did get lost, glad catnip brought it up.<P>I think the standard Harley advice is to continue in Plan A. However, only you can decide what you think is best. There are some of us here that don't think we could have continued to live with our spouse once the A was out in the open...There is a fine line to walk when they are "in the fog".<P>Sorry you're feeling so down...

Tonight I want to tell her in no uncertain terms that I know....because she has always denied. Is that wise? I think I have to, but conclude with how I want us to work.

Yes, I think you could sit down, tell her you want to know everything and you want the marriage, know you can get through this.<P>Since you know ahead of time, you can prepare so you can protect her from your anger. I was a little prepared, but had no idea how awful the whole thing would be. Still, I ended up making love to him instead of booting his sorry [censored] as I would have w/out the preparation.