I just need to get this off my chest, otherwise I'll blow up and LB, and I've been good at not doing that since I found MB.<P>Wife went to a supposed kids birthday party prelude last evening, took our kids to swimming with the birthday family kids, and their parents. When they got home, my son tells me everyone that went. Guess what, OM was there....as soon as that was said, my wife says "and Joe, and Sally, and Kathy....", in her usual fashion trying to pretend that many others went and it was a huge event. I found the receipt and of course 2 adults and 2 children. I'm highly annoyed at this and I might have to tell her how hurt this makes me. But on the other hand, I bit my tongue last night because I have a feeling that it isn't working perfectly with OM. I know through correspondence that they going to be trying to be just friends after their passionate affair (he won't offer future), but I'm not sure what the latest is. If confronted, she would just say he is a friend.<P>My kids are starting to say his name a bit, and I've bit my tongue so far, although about 6 weeks ago I did tell her I knew they were together with the kids, and of course she made like it was a group and snapped at me. The most ironic thing is that when she suddenly wanted to separate 4 months ago (but we're in same house still), she said neither one of us should ever introduce a new person to the kids for at least a year, unless it just happens to be a group setting. Guess that is why she always says there are others there.<P>I'm so sick of this lying. I want to tell his parents that he is a homewrecker so bad....when he first said he was interested in my wife, they said they would disown him if he pursued anything. He won't show any affection in public, and I believe it is because of this. Of course I know this from the usual methods.<P>Thanks for listening. I might have to vent some more later.

Rick,<P>I've been there...<BR>...it really s**ks badly.<P>My W told me the same thing (3 weeks after D-day)... and less than a month after that... she was going to the park with OM and kids... <P>When my W planned a summer vacation with kids AND OM (and his kids too)...<BR>...I got a restraining order...<BR>......(nop overnights with my kids & OM)<BR>...and that lasted while she lived with me...<BR>...after she moved out Aug 1999...<BR>...she got the restraining order lifted!<P>Morally, I know I did the right thing,...<BR>...but I also knew (after the fact) it was LB!<P>I do see that some of the actions during a Plan A... if taken to an extremely, become morally reprehensible. Drawing the line between them is hard...<P>I hope you're talking to your kids about their understanding of "moral principles"/"faith"/whatever...<BR>...without that closeness with the kids...<BR>...I could never start on Plan B.<P>I am close with my kids...<BR>...but... still in Plan A (13 months of a good one)...<P>My divorce is emminent...<BR>...and after the trial(???when???)<BR>...I know I must go to Plan B.<P>I'm praying for you... <P>Jim

Jim<P>Thanks Jim, as usual. If you had to do it again, would you not get the restraining order in an attempt to avoid LB? Can you just get a restraining order for any person? My wife still isn't admitting that anything ever happened, so would balk at any thought of this being immoral in her nerly warped mind. In your opinion, is it an LB just telling her that I know it was a cosy situation with her and OM plus the kids? I'm dying to let her know, as per usual, but biting my tongue so far. It makes me sick.

Rick...<P>Knowing what I know now...<P>I still would have gone for the restraining order.<P>2 issues here...<P>1. You can only get one if you have filed for separation or divorce (in most states)<P>2. There is a relationship between me and my W... and there is a relationship between me and my God. God wins.<P>The issue of my W raming down the concept of the OM as their "New daddy" (she wrote this to the OM) was too much to bear.<P>My W admitted everything...<BR>...even told the kids... she knows it(adultery) is a sin... but "sometimes you just have to do it to make you happy... and by being happy she can be a better mom (to them)"!<P>You really have to judge whether it is a LB or not...<BR>I, personally, had to tell her of my great diapproval...<BR>...hurting me is one thing...<BR>...teach the kids immorality... was something else.<P>If you tell her do it in the most <B>gentle</B> of ways. Read <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002262.html" TARGET=_blank>How to say my feelings without it being a LB</A>.<P> <P>Jim

Rick37, NSR<P>Wow, I cannot believe that. . .I think if it were my H taking my kids around another woman, while we were still married - group setting or no group setting, it's just wrong. . .Man, Rick37, I had it all wrong, she's not in the fog, she's in a hail storm, in the middle of the eye of a hurricane, swept up in a tornado, monsoon comes to mind. . .<P>I may be bad. . .but dragging your kids into this. . .that's crazy. . .kids learn from their parents. . .so you have to be the voice of morality. . .friends or no friends, this is the man she had an affair with - not a boyfriend she had before she was married, not a mutual friend. . .that's crazy. Protect yourself. . . and your kids.

SKM/NSR<P>From what I've seen, she wishes there was a future with OM, but thinks there won't be, but is content to continue seeing him, but expects to just gradually revert to being friends. I believe she justifies having him around the kids by thinking that no one really knows it was PA, thus what would be wrong with having a "friend" around. That is what she protrays him as with the kids in their 4 outings that I'm aware of. She also manages to convince herself that since she announced that we are "separated" 4 months ago, that immediately she had the right to do as she pleases, even though we sleep in the same bed, and live together (for 4 more weeks).<P>She simply has not admitted anything beyond friendship, and I think in her mind since there is no long term future, she has no plans to admit. The only way I could blow it in the open is to show her emails, but that would be a huge LB, I'm sure. So I continue to Plan A. But I question it sometimes.<P>So SKM, she seems to be in heavy fog, but what are the odds that she is just going for what she wants, and not really in the fog, but just doesn't care what it does to me or the kids? I think based on all the irrational things she has said and done, it must be heavy fog.