I've seen this phrase alot, referring to a <BR>"protection" mode. Is this healthy? I think<BR>I may have started my own emotional detatchment. I don't feel as much hurt, jealousy, etc this week.<BR>Jessica

Eliza,<P>I went through the same thing while back. Though I still have ups and downs, they are more focused on my progress as I change and the progrees I am making with my W than on the A. I believe it is a protective mode, but it also shows that you are growing beyond the horror and insecurities of the A. <P>I was warned by Steve Harley to keep the mode in perspective and to not let it run away with you. He feels that you can get addicted to the feeling of independence that comes with detachment and you can actually feel that you don't need your spouse anymore for happiness. I suppose that is fine if your marriage is really over, but in my case I want to repair my marriage, so I have become a litte more careful or at least aware of how I handle my detachment. <P>I remind myself frequently that my detachment is really from the grip the affair itself and not from my W.<P>Anyway, it sounds like you are making good progress getting through a tough stage and putting the A where it belongs....the past. The present and future are the only things you have a say in.<P>Good luck.<P>Bob

Hi Eliza,<P>I guess it's not a healthy thing, but it feels a little better than hurting dont you think?<P>It seems like a basic human need, protection of ourselves. I think it's biological in a way, very natural at least. It's going to be hard for me to follow Dynamo's advice. I am exhausted from worrying and thinking about this...dreaming about this, it invades way too much of my time. <P>My H is dating...not the woman he had the two year affair with, but someone he went to high school with (30 years ago). What am I supposed to do with that? Their reunion is this weekend...am I supposed to hurt all the way through it, or should I let myself feel the pain, knowing that they are together?<P>I don't know...I'm reading a book that tells you to step into your pain, to embrace it, but it's just too much to expect of myself. A human can only take so much.<P>Tell me more about your situation Eliza...I don't know your story...<P>allison

OMG Eliza,<P>I just looked at your profile. I live in Peoria, Az too. Near Arrowhead mall. Too weird huh?

Thanks for the replies. It is much better than hurting all the time. I feel a little<BR>bit of freedom and relief, in the way that<BR>I don't have to deal with all the hurt, anger, sadness, etc that I have been dealing with for 10 months. I know that these feelings are still there, but I feel like I'm<BR>getting a "break". It makes me feel stronger. And yes, I believe the marriage is over. I have put 10 months into saving the relationship, but 1 person can't fix a marriage. By the way, azallison, I am at Grnwy & I17. Really close huh? I will update my story later today, I don't feel like going through all the details right now.<BR>Thanks<BR>Jessica