I didn't get much response to this in Plan A/Plan B, so I'll try it here:<P>I'm doing Plan A while we're separated. My wife (WS) got an apartment in late August - the usual reasons - "need time to sort things out." She admitted to being "in love" with OM back in July (July was d-month) but claimed she was not seeing him anymore even before she moved out. She claimed the separation was for our pre-existing marriage problems and explained to our 12 year old son that she just didn't love Dad as a husband anymore (we're cooperating with 50/50 custody). OM is her(former)best friend's husband (we're neighbors)who has also moved out. I am certain the EA/PA is still going strong, but she thinks she's hiding it well enough. She has not admitted it to anyone in her close-knit family or with pre-existing close friends, although they all know as well as I. My question for anyone: Do I tell her I know the A is still going? Or is this a big time LB? Am I better off making her continue the deception (by not telling her I know), adding lies over lies and hoping the accumulated weight of the deception eventually contributes to the end? Or, does it enhance Plan A to continue trying to meet ENs (although it's hard while separated) and offering support because she would know I am doing so in spite of the A?<P>WAT

I'll try to help you as best I can.<P>Yes, do let her know that you know, BUT not in a threatening, LB way. Don't dig for information, don't criticize her, but let her know that you know. Lostva, one of the gals in here who survived against the worst of odds (OW and H were living together, her H wanted a divorce), would be a great person to answer this. I know that she Plan A'ed even though her H was living with PT, and she and her H got back together. Other than having to deal with nicotine withdrawal, I believe she and her H are doing great.<P>Keep Plan A'ing as long as you can. But don't let her think that you're in the dark about your A.

I agree with CB, let it out of the bag. It's amazing how you've been able to keep it in this entire time. She's moving out, co-workers know about OM, they believe you've agreed to a split, long time friends and family know nothing about this affair; this is all too much.<P>What explanation are you going to tell family and friends when she moves out? Are you going to allow only her version to be told? Don't LB, but tell her you know.<P>Have you had counseling with the Harley's yet? If not, do it now! Don't let her think you're clueless.<P>Blessings, Many Tears