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wasstubborn said the other thread was getting too long for her to load. <P>Here is a new one that we can keep up the encouagement!

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Dear Wasstuborn,Please print this and post it on your fridge!!!! Yes you are Dear!!!<P>you are authentic,<BR>you are brave,<BR>you are caring,<BR>you are dear,<BR>you are earnest,<BR>you are fair,<BR>you are Godly,<BR>you are honorable,<BR>you are incredible,<BR>you are just,<BR>you are kind,<BR>you are loving,<BR>you are merciful,<BR>you are nice,<BR>you are open,<BR>you are patient,<BR>you are quieting,<BR>you are regal,<BR>you are special,<BR>you are tender,<BR>you are unselfish,<BR>you are valiant,<BR>you are wise,<BR>you are X-tra ordinary!<BR>you are zealous............<BR>Wassi, you are someone very special, God made you to be someone very specia!!

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FHL<BR>You are too sweet. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Lor<BR>I will respond to you on this thread. We were posting at the same time on the other and just as I finished reading your post I got called away.<BR>Your words mean more to me than you could ever know. As I have read your posts over the last few months I am so impressed by the wisdom you have. I think I've told you that before. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Right now I think you know how I feel. You are right...I can't decide anything right now.<P>A question for you and peppermint and anyone else who has been through this:<BR>How do you ever start believing anything again?<BR>I believe nothing. I can't imagine ever trusting anything or anyone again. I have been trying for so long to find a way back to trust. Back to square one after two years? I don't think I have it in me. <P>lizam<BR>We were posting together too.<BR>I will print it. I will read it...I will try to believe it. You are so good.<BR>You know what this feels like at the moment. Zero self-esteem.<p>[This message has been edited by wasstubborn (edited October 19, 2000).]

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Excuse me....yah you...wasstubborn...go look in the mirror.<P>OK, you might look a little weary, but look into your own eyes.<P>Sure you have choices to make, but that bit about not having it IN you?<P>You are one of the most strong spirited people I know. You may not want to and you may choose not to, or you may choose to wait and see, but YOU GOT WHATEVER YOU NEED, IN YOU.<P>I guarantee it!!!! Chin up and put those shoulders back!!

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FHL<BR> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<BR>I will try [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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wasstubborn:<P>Trust is something so special, and from what I have read you have given your trust to your husband and to have it thrown back in face with lies and dishonesty is a horrible thing.<P>I completely understand the value you have put on trust. I know now there is no such thing a blind trust. Trust is something earned and should be cherished. <P>IMHO I feel you will trust again, but with a lot of time you do have it in you. I am learning to trust myself again and my instincts as well. Everyday when my husband walks out the door for work, I give him trust even though he is still earning it. I can’t control what he does and I really don’t care too. <P>Your husband must prove and earn your trust, that is something you can’t do for him. <P>I am so sorry you have been dealt with blow. My prayers are with you. Remember now is the time for you and to take of yourself. Pamper yourself some it does good for me.<P>Best Wishes,<P>Judy<BR>

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Hey Wassi,<P>I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. And I'll try to give you a short but honest answer to your question about trust.<P>I haven't started believing in firestorm yet and don't know when or if I will. But I do have a strong belief in God and in myself. I believe that God will lead me and watch over me, and I believe that I will continue to live my life the right way no matter what firestorm does. If he honestly changes his behaviors and attitudes, in time I will be able to trust and believe in him again. If he does not do the necessary things I will continue to live my life the right way, but without firestorm in it.<P>Wassi, if you are a believer then pray for the guidance and strength you need. Search yourself and find the faith in yourself that you need to get through this. Don't feel guilty that you cannot have faith and trust in your husband because of what he has done. It is HIS job to EARN renewed trust and faith. You do not owe it to him.<P>I will let you know when or if I find trust for firestorm again, but it will be a long time coming (if it ever does). It will be a long time for you also.<P>Peppermint

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When we began to reconcile this time, I just put trust on a backburner. Of course, I had so muddied the waters that Guard also had no trust in me.<P>I thought at one time I'd never trust again, at all. But each day takes a kind of trust--it's all trust. Will he love me, will he leave me, will he contact her, will he come home on time, and was he really at work anyway? You can't think on these questions and thrive.<P>I found the old "step by step, day by day" to be the key for me. So much so that when it came time to make plans for our future, I almost couldn't think in terms of days, weeks or months ahead.<P>Peppermint gives good advice. You can't trust your H at this point. I also put my trust in God.

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Hi Wassi,<P>Everyone else has already said it. Just like Lor and Peperment I have no trust in Tony. <P>I guess I trust myself more and I am really trying hard to pray about everything. What I do is I just try and have him validate everything. Prove it so to speak. When I find he is telling the truth than I have trust in that one area. It is a continually growing process. <BR>

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Hi Wassi,<P>I'm so sorry for what you went thru yesterday, guess the 17th of Oct was a bad day for a few of us.<P>How do you trust again???? Such a hard question, Hon. Well, I'd say that you learn to trust yourself first ... people are simply human, and I'm sure your H didn't want to lie to you, but he probably justified it in his mind that he was protecting you by not telling you any of this contact stuff that went on. It is all the way wrong and it's ultimately destructive to them as well, but they don't "see" it. They truly think lieing to us is a necessity, otherwise we'd be hurt all the time.<P>Trust your instincts Wassi, they were telling you something wasn't right, I've been there and ignored my gut feelings when I should have listened to that inner voice telling me something isn't quite right.<P>Your H needs to "EARN" your trust, it's not a given ... he's depleted all of the trust you gave him when you were first married (which was a gift), now he has to earn it back by telling you everything and being an open book. I mean, really, how in the h*ll do they think you can get close and enjoy real intimacy with them if their not trusted??? <P>I'm praying for you and H. I hope he does come here and I hope he signs on and posts. We can help him. Please keep encouraging him to come here.<P>Has he been in touh with Firestorm yet???? Hope he does do that.<P>Love,<BR>Jo

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Wassi,<P>I second Peppermint's post. I have found it very difficult to trust anyone, it has not just been my h.<P>I trust myself much more than I did.<P>And I'm learning again to trust God.

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I've been trying to reply for a while but the computer wouldn't let me.<BR>FHL<BR>Did you get mail?<BR>My H read your thread to him and said he wanted to reply. Not sure it will happen but he did appreciate it. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>bighope<BR>I'm not sure if it is possible. I will try to take care of myself. My b-day is Sunday and I have made plans. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>peppermint<BR>Thankyou. I think you have made more steps toward trust than you realize.<BR>Please tell firestorm that my H seems interested in talking to him. Like I said to FHL...I don't know if it will happen but at least he was receptive.<P>Lor<BR>You are right as usual. Step by step...day by day. <P>Paha<BR>You really do sound good you know. I know what you have been going through and I see a lot of progress within you.<P>Jo<BR>Thank you too. I'm really not sure that there is any way for him to earn my trust at this point. It has gone on far too long. Too many times.<P>schizzo<BR>You are absolutely right. I trust no one. It is very scary. I see my H's friends and wonder who knows what and who kept this secret. I am 99% positive that my H's business partner knows about these calls. The phone bills go to his house first. I have no respect for a person who knows what I have been through....sees that there is still contact and doesn't have the decency to let me know. I have played this game far to long. I know that the partner did not approve of the affair. Just an example of losing complete trust in the world.<P>You have all said one thing. I must trust myself. I knew that. Lost it somewhere in all of this. I must trust that I can handle what ever happens. I will work on that.<BR>Thank you all.<BR>

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{{{{{{{{{{{{Wassi}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Oh, my dear, sweet cheerleader!! I am so sorry I wasn't there for you in your hour of need. All I can say is, sigh!<P>Like all of your dear friends have already said, you ARE strong; you ARE amazing; you WILL make it through this!<P>You are probably tired of hearing this, but please, take care of yourself. Get some rest. Don't do anything you don't need to do right now. It's your time, now.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you, dear one. Lean on the One that can help you the most. He is always there for you.<P>My e-mail is, cc7315@yahoo.com. Write whenever you want.<P>Comfort and prayer are coming your way.<P>God bless,<BR>Cheryl

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I so want you to have a happy b-day.<P>How do you feel about asking your h to spoil you, asking for exactly what you want?<P>I wanted breakfast in bed, a book or cd as a present and dinner out w/out kids.<P>I got breakfast at IHOP (close), no present and dinner after I moved heaven and earth to get a sitter. I was still happy. He and the kids treated it as "my day".<P>Don't leave it to chance if he is clueless. Ask!!!!!

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<B>Okay Wassi, I am checking in!</B><P>You haven't been online or posted in a while. I am going to continue to think possitive and believe one: you are resting and recharging that remarkable brain of yours, or two: you and hubby are doing some communicating? Either way, both are necessary.<P>I am thinking of you still a whole bunch. I know you know that.<P>I haven't gotten to the e-mail yet. Have a few things brewing in my brain. I think I had better watch out or I will be on an overload here. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I do still have such a good feeling about you. I really do. Things are going to be great for you. This is just the start of something bigger and better. There will probably still be a few pit falls, but in the long run it will be the start of wonderful.<P>You are going to heal...you are going to become not only whole again, but better than ever before.<P>I am looking forward to reading your next post and those of the lovely people here that are reaching out to you and loaning you their faith and hope for the moment. Not to mention their strength and possitive energy.<P>Okay, going to go to bed now. After I take a plunge in that hot tub. My muscles are still a mess. <P>I will be praying, and thinking of you. Pamper yourself. Indulge! Concentrate on you. The rest of the dominos will fall into place. I promise! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Now for the mongo mega <P><B>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{<BR>{{{{{WASSI}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</B><P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <P>Love ya,<P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] With God on our side we can't lose! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><P><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited October 19, 2000).]

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Hi kiddo. Since you asked, here is a link that will catch you up.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000734.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000734.html</A> <P>I am a bit calmer than when I first spoke to her and then my h. told me about his last attempt to resume things. We have a counseling appointment next Friday. <P>I am still reeling from the realization that I could think things were going so well last Spring, yet he was trying to get back with her. <P>She told me last week that she only has feelings of anger toward him and that I don't need to worry...but she lied so much in our conversation, where are the lines between truth and falsehood?<P>pray for me, I will for you,<P>blessings,<BR>lizzie/pearl of great price <BR>

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wasstubborn,<P>I don't know if you remember me... It has been quite a while since I posted as Dead Inside. I'd like to think of myself as "alive" now, but don't want to take the time to re-register right now. I haven't logged on in forever it seems. Tonight I was looking through some old papers (since this whole nightmare in my life started I have become a total scatterbrain) as I can't find some work I need. What I did find was some encouragement YOU had posted me back in June. Your words meant so much to me. So I logged on tonight hoping to find out about you and I am so sad by what I find. Wasn't it you that once said "Somewhere along the way I lost myself and I'll be darned if I know where to find me?" Amen sister! <P>What I do remember is that you were there for me when I endured my second D-day. I wish there was something I could say to you. Your H has a treasure in you and is foolish to not realize it. <P>I know what a blow to your self-esteem this is. But, my friend, this is NOT about you. I know that is hard to swallow. I struggle daily myself. I can well imagine the pain you feel wondering who knows what and why they didn't tell you. I feel the same. Remember this too is not about YOU. It's really not. It's sad for them that they did not have the moral compass in them to do the right thing. No reflection on you. I know that doesn't ease the pain. I wish I had something for you that would. <P>I know the horror of those cell phone bills. The tell-tale minutes and times. I hurt so much for you as this is something you do not deserve. The hope that I have is that there is Someone I can trust. That is God. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He has promised never to leave you and never to forsake you. Put your trust in Him. He deserves it. And He will not let you down. <P>It is my humble opinion that we do not have what it takes to heal ourselves. As for me, I really don't trust anyone completely at this point. I think it is foolish in many ways to even trust myself. What with all my emotions and insecurities tossing me to and fro. What I do know is that I can trust the Lord. This brings me peace in situations which are scary and uncertain (that would be basically my whole life). I just urge you to do the same. Read your Bible. Read about God's faithfulness. His strength. His love for you.<P>"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God... We are under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us..." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, 8-10

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Hi Wassi,<P>I hope things have calmed somewhat and that you are feeling at least a bit better. Obviously, things are not great for me either or I wouldn't be posting in the middle of the night like this!<P>We were actually supposed to leave last night for a long weekend away together, but I had a minor discovery of my own that pretty well ruined any ideas for a romantic weekend. I was cleaning out the trash bin of the email account and found some old emails that prove firestorm lied about the when recontact between he and the other woman actually began. In the overall scheme of things it is just a minor lie and possibly just a mistaken memory, but once you are in the grips of infidelity, there is really nothing that seems minor, harmless, or unimportant.<P>This whole thing led to some thinking about things with you and made me recall something you posted on the other thread. You wrote that this rediscovery for you was worse than the first time, but it was exactly opposite for me. In fact, the more I discover, the less it seems to hurt me. Instead, I just get angrier. Why do think that is?<P>I really do not think it is because I am just coming to accept the affair, because that is definitely not the kind of person I am. I don't even think it is because I am giving up, I haven't done that. It is true that I am losing respect for him more and more though, and that is one of the ingredients for love, so maybe I am losing love for him.<P>I suppose that makes it time for plan B if I want to preserve the love I have left for firestorm. But I choose not to do that. Instead I choose to try to continue with therapy and hold things together to let my daughter finish school this year with her family still together. I made that committment to myself and to her, though she doesn't know it.<P>I don't think plan B would work with firestorm anyway, he would think that it was all about him, roll around in self-pity, and move on to his next victim. We would absolutely be forced to spend a lot of time together because of our daughter's activities. Neither of us are willing to give up participating with her school and community activities, and we both believe that her senior year should be all about her happiness before she hits the "real world".<P><BR>I read somewhere last year that the level of pain infidelity causes relates directly to how much the betrayed spouse loves the betrayer. The more love there is, the more pain there is. If that is true, you still love your husband very much don't you?<P>I wish I could look into a betrayer's mind and read their thoughts, or look into their cold, black, selfish heart and see if anything is really there. None of this seems worth it!!! I have really come to believe that it is pure evil and the devil's work that makes this whole thing happen.<P>I also wish that I could find the magic answer that would save me and my family, as well as you and everyone else here from this devastation, but I can't. I can only offer my care and support, and honestly tell you that I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL AND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. I wish I didn't, but I do.<P>But I also know that I am getting stronger personally everyday, and that each day gets a tiny bit easier to endure. I'm not seeing light at the end of this tunnel yet, but I still have faith that it is there. I am becoming more determined to take charge of my own life and to stop letting firestorm control my actions, thoughts, or feelings.<P>It is sort of like this- I believe that firestorm is a lost soul right now. He was going through life following the map that takes you in the right direction, but he decided to drop the map and head out on his own. Now he is wandering aimlessly, sometimes going in the right direction, but often taking the wrong road. Up until recently, I had been out looking for him, trying to take his hand and lead him to go the right way. Sometimes he will follow, but sometimes he resists and still wants to go off on his own. So I have decided to come home. I won't lock the door yet, and I'll even leave a light in the window to help him find his way. I'll pray for his safe return very soon. But I am coming home where I can be warm and safe and take care of myself. It is time for him to take the initiative and work his way home if he is going to return.<P>Wassi, maybe it is time for you to think about YOU. Just follow your heart and your instincts. Identify your own limits and your own needs and set about planning for them. You can leave your light on too, but that doesn't mean you have to stand outside in the cold and rain waiting for him to see it.<P>I am so sorry that anyone has to feel the way you and I are feeling right now, but there are many, many others right here with us. Unfortunately. We can make it, though. I am more thankful everyday that I found this site over a year ago. Wouldn't this whole mess be even worse without people here listening and caring about us? People that know EXACTLY what we are going through.<BR>People that we have never actually seen who really care about us and what happens in our lives.<P>I'll be checking often for an update from you, and I'll be hoping and praying for good news. But if it is not good news, I still want to hear from you and help if I can. Please let me.<P>Peppermint

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Wassi,<P>I'm heading out for the weekend and just wanted to let you know you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.<P>Hang in there.<P>Love ya,<P>Bill

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"It is sort of like this- I believe that firestorm is a lost soul right now. He was going through life following the map that takes you in the right direction, but he decided to drop the map and head out on his own. Now he is wandering aimlessly, sometimes going in the right direction, but often taking the wrong road. Up until recently, I had been out looking for him, trying to take his hand and lead him to go the right way. Sometimes he will follow, but sometimes he resists and still wants to go off on his own. So I have decided to come home. I won't lock the door yet, and I'll even leave a light in the window to help him find his way. I'll pray for his safe return very soon. But I am coming home where I can be warm and safe and take care of myself. It is time for him to take the initiative and work his way home if he is going to return."<P>Wasstubborn, I have been following your post. I am keeping good thoughts only for you. <BR>These posts of encouragment are helping me as well, and I have read and re read the paragraph from Peppermint. <BR>I feel that trust will never be as easy as it was in the past, and wonder if it will ever BE again without all the suspicious questions coming to mind.<BR>Be strong and take care of yourself. L<BR>

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