It would make sense if there had been a full moon. Halloween turned out OK for my son who went trick or treating with OM's daughter, but bad for me. Before he went out with his friends, my wife (WS) called my son and she asked him to wait for her to come over to see his costume before he went out. He didn't tell me this, so when he was ready, I let him go but my wife had not arrived yet. When she arrived and learned he was already gone, she got really mad and left right away. She wouldn't stay until he came by the house early which he always does on the route he takes. I tried to explain that I didn't know she was coming. Later, she called and asked for him to call her when he got in. When he got in, it was still pretty early, so I decided to try to cheer her up and take him over to see her before he took off his costume. When we got to her apartment, she stepped outside to talk to us. When I asked if we could come in for a minute, she let my son in, but refused to let me in - offering no explanation - and making me wait outside. She usually invites me in. I suspect we surprised her with OM in the apartment, but she claimed she was alone. My son said he saw no one, but OM would have had time to hide in the back by the time she let him in. I asked for an explanation and she just said I wasn't welcome. So I told her to expect the same if she comes to my house (unavoidable LB). She told me she would call me today to explain. This is very frustrating. I can't win. All I can figure is that she's still deep in the fog and doesn't know how cruel she's being. <P>I'll update after hearing her "explanation." Prior to this we had gone through a period where I thought we were making good progress in Plan A, although she never has admitted the affair. Now it seems she's gotten a booster shot of the fog and acts as if I don't exist. Could this be normal roller coaster stuff?<P>Affair is 5 months old, was discovered almost immediately by me and OM's wife, both separated but not living together.<P>WAT<BR>*****************<BR>Time wounds all heels.

My wife just called and apologized for being mean. She was really upset that she missed the Holloween preparations and she missed our deceased youngest son (died 8/99) at the same time. We used to have a big "ceremony" with pictures and the whole works before he died and I guess she wanted to relive that a little with our remaining son. She felt she was denied that pleasure. She didn't let me in her apartment later because she was furious at me - projecting her frustration on to the closest target. She again claimed she was alone. Anyway, we agreed to put it behind us.<P>Ironic part was that she said she felt that it was planned for her to miss it and she had been "betrayed." I replied, "It's not a good feeling, is it?"<P>WAT

I think it is normal roller coaster stuff. I'm sorry you had such a messed up Halloween. You just want the kids to have a fun evening, and you end up in all these weird scenarios, which is too bad. Your wife is being cruel, but you seem to be handling it diplomatically for the most part. You need to do that, at least for awhile. Times like this require the most patience, and you literally almost have to bite your tongue. This is where they are looking for us to mess up and LB.<P>I have personally found that regardless of where things are in Plan A, any discussion about my wife's new house, or any formal separation or financial issues get her hair raised and she becomes nasty and very unreasonable, as well as demanding. But in my case, when all that is behind the scenes, my wife shows some signs of responding a bit to Plan A, but of course it is a roller coaster and goes up and down.<P>Just my opinion here, but I would show her who is acting more responsible, and let her in your house. If she wants to be irresponsible, then let her be that way. You'll be the better person. You want to be the normal, reasonable, stable parent in the eyes of your children, so regardless of what happens 6 months, 1 year, or 10 years from now, you can look back and be proud of how you handled this most difficult situation.<P>Make your house really nice and inviting, bake cookies when she is coming, put a flower on the table, mop the floor so it smells clean, do fun things with the kids and they'll be telling her about it, buy yourself some new clothes, whatever you can to keep busy and make life at your house seem appealing.<P>I too question whether everything that my wife does is part of the fog, I think "could this be the fog, or is it just the new her, and she really detests me". But I think that we've read enough stuff on here to know that they are operating like they have had a sudden operation and half the brain was removed. It is scary....rather fitting for Halloween, but unfortunate it isn't just for Halloween.<P>Let us know what happens today and hang in there. I think this is one of the roughest phases for you lately, but don't give up on Plan A. You saw some success before, and this whole telling OMs wife and move thing has to cool down. You did the right thing, in my opinion, so just hang on for the ride and be your best. You are the stability in your kids lives and they really need that. It is one of the biggest and most important jobs you'll ever have, and right now it is so important. Take care.

I saw your update after I sent my reply. I'm really happy she called and apologized. Just keep doing your best. Good response to her feeling of betrayel.