Resilient<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited November 26, 2000).]

Hi Resilient,<P>I didnt get as far as being served but my H did tell me that he had decided that a D was the only way for us. He wasn't angry, etc.., just resigned to the fact that it was best for us. He told me this on the phone. I asked can we talk and He said yes but he had made up his mind. I got to the house after he did. He was suprisingly peaceful about the whole thing. We talked and by some miracle, he decided that we would try and work things out! He never had been so definite about a D as he was that evening. I don't know how but after a matter of fact talk about the state of things and some serious prayer on the way home, we ended up not going the way of a D.<BR>You never know what can happen even if he thinks he has all the answers.<P><BR>I dont think it would hurt to ask what he wants to meet for. I don't know how being served legally works. Do you have to physically have it in your hand to be considered served? Do you have to accept it? Also, just because he serves you doesn't mean you have to agree to it, right? He might not have the nerve to do it. If he does, is there really any way from you controlling that? Didn't he say sometime in the recent past that a D wasn't necessarily the end? that it was just a formality? Did he ever clarify that? <P>Sorry so many questions. I hope my story helped a little.<P>cleo

Jo, is he legally allowed to serve you himself? That doesn't seem quite right - generally the principles in any case do not serve papers on one another personally, at least not here in NYS. If you don't want to ask him what it is all about, see if you can find out if he even CAN serve you by law. If he can't, then you don't have to worry anymore - and if he can't and he does, then you can pitch it into the trash because it will not have been legally served in that case.<P>Men are strange critters ... no offense guys. And I know you believe the same about us! <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Resilient,<P>I agree with Terri, I don't think he can serve divorce papers to you, that is usually done via a courier from a law firm in most, if not all states...<P>Don't worry too much... If it's bad news, just get up and walk out. You don't need to expose yourself to any more trauma. Tell him you don't like it, don't want it and can't take anymore. Plain and simple.<P>But do find out what the laws are about divorce papers being served by whom in your state. OK.<P>Love and prayers to you.<P>Cathy

My Dear Jo,<P>You sound so scared...God, I hope and pray that this is not what it may seem to you. I don't know anything about the laws, or papers, but Jo, it's paper. It has nothing to do with what's in your heart. He can't take that away from you....ever...no matter what the silly papers say, or the state says, or what Steve says. You love him as long as you want to and as hard as you want to.<P>I know by what you've said on these board that this man, flawed as he may be, is the love of your life. I know you do not want to give that up. You know what, you stay your course...no matter what tricks he has up his sleeve. You have accepted the children he has created. You are the one Jo, that can love him despite the pain.<P>Don't let him tell you how to feel. Don't let a piece of paper dictate how you see yourself. Don't be afraid to face him Monday Jo. He is your husband. You know how to talk to him. You see it whenever you get him to that soft place...you know what I mean. <P>You know, I think sometimes MB...well, all of us have it backwards. Each time someone told me to work on myself, I didn't really undersand. I had and still have a lot of learning to do, but Jo, you and I, and each person that visits these boards as a betrayed person...it was not our fault. I will hear, I imagine that I failed because I didn't work hard enough on myself. If I believe that I won't be able to hold on to the small shred of self esteem I have left. I have changed, a lot. I've had to Jo, as have you. I will never be the same...and that is not all bad. We have been harmed in a way so vicious...our best friends in this world have caused us deep harm. It is not our faults. Damn it Jo, I didn't mean to make this about me...I'm just so sorry that this all happened...to all of us here.<P>I just wanted to say that you love Steve all you want. Hold it in your heart like a precious gift. It feels really empty when you don't feel that anymore. I'm just beginning to know how that feels. I guess my husband just felt it first, and it must have hurt him terribly to not love me anymore. He suffered in silence for years, because his heart was empty. It's just better to hold it there for as long as you can Jo.<P>Sorry...rambling...tired.<BR>allison

Hello R,<BR>in some states it is legal for a person to serve papers themselves. Seems kind of unreasonable to me, but so does all the recent election bruhaha.<BR>Can you just ask him ahead waht he has in mind? I am a direct person, and might say something like 'let's be honest here...what is this monday meeting about?' or 'I am looking forward to talking to you and I would like to be better prepared to meet with you-what are some of the things you want to discuss?'<BR>This eliminates the option for trickery or bad intentions. Well, maybe does not eliminate it, but certainly will make him think twice? <BR>R, it sounds like he is getting backed into a corner? Or am I misinterpreting? <BR>Be careful with your heart at this point! He may say things that you really do not want or need to hear. (((((hugs))))) cl<P>

JO,<P>Getting kinda worried about you here...where are you?<P>Please let us know if you're doing ok.<P>allison

Nope, in this state he can't serve the papers himself, so don't worry. It has to be a "non-involved third party" who serves papers. So I would go ahead and meet with him. How long has it been since you've seen him? A good, long, face-to-face discussion certainly can't hurt {knock on wood}.

Jo, how did things go today? I have been thinking about you... well, at least when I stopped thinking about me (read my "news" thread).<P>Wondering if you are ok...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>