Many of you will know that while I was considering my move to Plan B H suddenly upped the ante and left. We agreed to meet a commitment this w/end and went to a friends place - stayed o/night. We agreed on "no hassles; no discussion about the situation" and just to enjoy ourselves. And we did ! We slept in the same bed - on opposite sides !! - and he told me on our return he had really enjoyed himself and had a relaxing time. !! I just took a few sedatives !! - and after he dropped me at home I went back to working on Plan B letter which I intend to give him in two weeks - at the same time as I have arranged to meet into where I am going to live. Well today, he rang me and (a) asked me to have lunch with him - I couldnt because i had another arangement (b) asked me to come over to where he is staying currently and look at a decorating problem (c) took the day off work and went out and bought himself a book which he was thoroughly enjoying and from which he read the funny bits out loud to me when I got there (d) got teary eyed when I told him what I planned to do re living arrangements over the next few months - housesitting for a friend (e) just sat for a while and looked at me when I said I was leaving to go home and then asked me to stay for dinner (e) gave me a present of a CD of a Christmas Carols - that nearly blew me apart; I dont even want to think about Christmas !!! But I accepted it graciously. All this from a man who wants to be on his own (oh yeah!!) - and who rings OW once or twice a week; but says he is not seeing her. You know, he told me when he left that this whole business was driving him "whacko!! - and I think it has !! I can hardly believe that this silly confused and inconsistent person is the man I loved and married. This may sound a bit cruel but I almost wanted to laugh at him tonight and say "you pathetic fool" - that's how I know it is time to go to Plan B. Why am I sharing this drivel ?? Probably because - just for a moment or two - I wanted to hug him and "make it better" and "look after him" . I guess that is why Plan B is so insistent about "no contact". I could easily slip into aiding and abetting "having his cake and eating it too". I need to be strong and I can be !!<P>R

Keep the last of your Plan A as pure as possible...<P>...any chance of holding off the Plan B letter until the holidays are over???<P>...it can leave a very bad taste in the mouth of a WS if you move to Plan B before or during the holidays...<BR>...and is a really big push to an existing OP or a new one!<P> <P>Jim

Once again I feel like our H's must be mind linked a little. Mine too came home this weekend to be here when his family came to visit. We had a nice time, slept in the same bed and cuddled like we always have. H left when they did, but called this morning to tell me he is in a lot of pain and was "waffling" again about whether he wanted to stay gone or come back and work on our marriage. I think that in my mind I have already switched to Plan B because I laughed (as did he) and said that I'm not getting on that rollercoaster again. H said that he too is on the coaster, but I pointed out that HE HAS BEEN DRIVING! I told H that I couldn't take him seriously anymore unless he made a 100% commitment to the marriage and I wasn't going to try to convince him anymore. <P>So not really Plan A, but not really any LBs either. It seems to be a good spot for me now because I feel like I have gained some measure of respect in his eyes and it has been a little bit of an ego booster to feel like I have some power in the relationship. (H told me tonight that he appreciates all the effort and love I have poured into this relationship with little response from him.)<P>I know my H is still really trying to figure out what he wants and it sounds like your H is too. It sounds like you have been backing off and taking care of yourself even though you haven't given him the Plan B letter yet and that is already having an impact. Does it make any sense to stay in that halfway point until after the holidays? (I am responding in part to Jim's suggestion to wait until after the holidays for Plan B letter.)

Girls,girls,girls,<P>My,oh my...Have I got news for you... they stay wacko for a good long while.<P>I haven't kept up with your stories and just happened to be lurking...I am the late, late show on MB.<P>My H had an 18 month EA PA, he moved out for five months, came home in a terrible state of withdrawal(one year ago) and we have been up the hill, down the hill, over and under, and all around so many times that my head is unscrewed. I am literally a walking zombie.<P>If they (H) comes home, believe me when I say not all is well, it takes a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg time!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Hang in there...sounds to me like you are both very doubtful about wanting your H to come back at all and if you want to put forth the effort. I have wanted to throw in the towel many times, as recent as tonight... but I keep hoping he will read the HN/HN and SAA books and help me get the show on the road. The only problem is he says it will be difficult for him to do things for me that he may not feel in his heart for me. That's a tough cookie to swallow.<P>I hope things lighten up a bit for you all.<P>But it takes lots of time, btw, I have been with this man for 31 plus years!!!!<P>Cathy