Oh boy, today has been tough !! H beat me to the Plan B 10 days ago when he decided to leave (again) - I have since written the Plan B letter with help and advice from Jim, Jennifer and others - many thanks. Finished it yesterday and decided to put it away for now - H and I had been in contact - he is still expressing great sadness about our situation and remorse for all the hurt etc. <P>Anyway I decided to put the letter aside until after Christmas and keep on Plan A'ing at a distance. Actually thought this would make it easier for me if nothing else. Also thought giving him the Plan B letter would be a really big LB just before Christmas (pity he didnt think the same about his decision to leave!!!). <P>So, this morning I went to our joint e-mail account - we use it for friends and family - there was an e-mail from K. - old friend of H's who had become good friends with me over many years. In fact, I have talked with her about our situation. Well, there was amessage about aranging for him and OW to come to dinner; and a suggestion they should all get together over Christmas!! I was so shocked I felt sick. <P>Fortunately I had to go to work as I was about to ring H and really let the LBs fly. Decided I couldnt do that just before a big day at work. Later in the day H rang - it was really hard to hold back the anger; anyway he told me he has to go to hospital for some investigatory procedure soon; would I come and pick him up afterwards and could he stay with me that night !! <P>Ohmigod!! I can feel the anger rising like a volcano !! Fortunately i have learnt never to act on the instant in this situation - I can understand that H is having a real bad time (feeling sorry for himself) and having re-established contact with OW is back in the fog again. But being aided and abetted by a so-called good friend ??????. If anyone could advise on how to kill her slowly and painfully I would be very happy !! Right for now I need to forget the whole horrible business and just focus right on me. I can not and do not want to think about it for one moment longer - I have been obsessing all day and feel worse than I have for a long time. But I needed to vent the anger and really had to come where I would be understood - all my friends think I am an idiot for hanging in this long !!<P> I hope H and OW and K. rot in hell !! <P>R

.<p>[This message has been edited by Trapped Mom (edited March 20, 2001).]

Rosebrook,<P>Forgive your friend, prayer for her.<BR>...but "shake the dust off your feet from her"<BR>...she is also a lost soul... in her acceptance of the OW<BR>...I'm serious... forgive her... and then no more contact with her.<P>About your H...<BR>...I'm really glad you're showing strength in going to Plan A for the holidays...<BR>...especially knowing more temptations are coming from outside sources.<P>Don't forget you <B>can</B> be honest during Plan A...<BR>...i.e. you can (in a delicate way) say you are hurt by H doing x... y... z...<BR>Don't say to him "YOU HURT ME"...<BR>...just be honest with your feelings.<P>A one-sided form of honesty may be considered a small LB...<BR>...but if H ever gets out of the fog<BR>...it's a big plus for him to know you were honest with him.<P> <P>Jim

There is sure something to be said for the old days where leaving your spouse, having an A, or getting a divorce was really, really unacceptable. I think our culture has gone overboard sometimes in being so "accepting" of people. Instead of being shunned for their outrageous acts of betrayal and dishonesty, WS are actually sheltered by many people who don't want to judge too harshly.<P>The betrayal of your friend must hurt very deeply! (The understatement of the day.) I'm sorry you had to experience that pain, especially when you're dealing with your choice of Plan A/B right now and recovering some of your composure.<P>Take heart. I'm sure you have plenty of other true friends that will support you. Keep venting here.