Rick - I hope no news is good news. Or is it soooo cold up there that your keyboard's frozen?<P>Dave (WAT)

Thanks for asking about me. Actually, it is cold here, but I was down in the Southern US on a business trip and just returned. That is the reason for my little absence from the site. Just caught up on some of the posts. Not much new on my front. I'm a bit dejected about things, but I'm OK and I know that I'll continue to be OK. The magnitude of the lies over the past several months perplexes me, and I wonder if she is worse in that department than usual WS. Perhaps not. She has a really nasty attitude the past few days, one that makes you wonder what you did to her. Who knows what that is I suppose. Maybe guilt, maybe unhappy, don't know. Our schedule of custody is a bit mixed up, and because of my trip, she had to rearrange her hours a bit. She seems to get really agitated at any inconveniences these days. When she moved, it was to another neighborhood, and when she has the kids, she has to drive my son to school. I just walk him because we (I) live right behind the school. One of her many inconveniences now. She always likes to make a quick change to rid herself of any problem, but can't in this case....so it seems to cause her grief.<P>When I see her attitude and lies now, I wonder if she can ever become normal again. I think I said that before. It just seems horrendous. However, I'm guessing that what she is doing is normal for a WS. When I look back on the last year or so, her mind has been like a tornado....just going from one thing to the next. Don't know what came first...being unhappy or just being in a personal crisis, but she certainly radically started changing and also regretting aspects of her life. I think there is more to her A than meets the eye.<P>Anyway, I'm doing fine myself. Hope you are doing well. Thanks again.

Status quo here. Don't really know the status of OM. It's possible that they've settled out to be just close friends. But I think there's still a roller coaster aspect in her life. I know she's in a money crunch - she owes me half of all childcare, private school expenses, auto insurance, etc. since October plus big au pair and school expenses coming due soon. I haven't pressed her, but she knows she owes me. I think this is why she has never signed the separation papers - she bit off more than she can chew. After Christmas I'll have to gently approach this by starting off that I'm not trying to put her in a corner, but this is the choice you made and we have to do this nasty chore. I know she'll turn me into the bad guy someway. Plan A has been letting her slide, but tough love says she has to pay the toll.<P>Keep your seatbelt fastened and your seat backs and trays in their full upright and locked position. More turbulence ahead for both of us.<P>I know what you mean about her ever being normal again. Seems impossible sometimes. But others have made the turnaround - even Scrooge.<P>Dave (WAT)

Guys<P>Good to see you here so early in the morning.<P>Rick<BR>"She has a really nasty attitude the past few days, one that makes you wonder what you did to her. Who knows what that is I suppose. Maybe guilt, maybe unhappy, don't know".<P>This is very typical, my W was like this for a long time after we separated. I found out that it was guilt as they say that for them to reconcile the guilt they have to counteract with anger. The lies ..... well we all no how many lies they have to tell. What amazes me is that they think you must be so stupid to believe even half of them. I think you have to remember that they are not normal during this period and like an addiction to drugs they will lie cheat or whatever to continue the high of the A.<P>WAT<P>Looks like your W is in for a "dose of reality" with respect to the financial commitments. Good for you, sometimes love must be tough. Life is not all about walks under the moon and stars along a deserted beach sipping a champagne is it???<P>Regards to you both<BR>Colin

Colin and Rick - if you haven't already, recommend you read cjack's thrread from yesterday, "Last minute reprieve." Some real testicular fortitude there.<P>Colin - yea, I need to walk on eggshells when I approach the money situation. The last thing I think we want is for them to feel financially forced to come back. But I expect she's gonna want to renegotiate the financial settlement to something other than 50/50 unless she eventually wants to try to reconcile. Our salary proportion is more like 60/40 - which she could have insisted on in the first place. I think she was generous because she knew I could prove adultery and seriously jeopardize any custody argument she would make. It's a tough choice - could be she's just still trying to decide if she wants a permanent split. She knows not to press me on money matters - at one time in the heat of her affair, she called me "scrupulous" because I was thorough and exacting in trying to get to the bottom of her actions. She knows who she's dealing with, and I will impose the "play the role, pay the toll" principle. It's not revenge, it's the business aspect of this adventure. You reap what you sow.<P>Dave