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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 53
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ihurt Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 53
I talked to my W last night. It was good and bad. I have come to realize that the EA that my W has is a problem, but not the main problem. She loves me as a friend and can't seem to love me as a lover. The reason for this is because she has built up, over our entire 9+ years marriage, resentment and hurt from every little thing I have done wrong.<P>She is a person that holds a grudge against people for a long time. If I do something wrong and we fight about it, she broods for a minimum of an hour. She has stayed mad at me for 2 days about something that should have been taken care of after the arguement. This was the worst case, usually she stays mad for a few hours.<P>She is a wonderful, caring, and affectionate person, but has a problem with holding on to this hurt.<P>How does a person get rid of this type of problem? What method or therapy needs to happen to help a person purge this resentment and hurt? My W needs to learn this, because if I loose her, she will be doing the same thing to another husband.<BR>

Joined: Dec 2000
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Dear Ihurt,<P>I can understand where you are coming from. I am the WS, and I can totally relate to your wife. I am currently in therapy, go every week. My therapist has shown me that all resentments, hurts, and they way we act out are of our past. We go all the way back to childhood. In healing our past hurts we are able to resolve our current ones.<P>He told a story of a husband and wife who had there share of problems. The wife acts out in rageful anger(me). The wife, yells, kicks, screams and throws things. While she is angry at what her husband did, she reacts because she is still holding on the the anger and resentment for being pushed down the stairs by her older brother. (just an analogy.) Makes sense to me!<P>In looking over my past and present, I am beginning to see these things become more apparant each and everyday. I have the willingness to heal because I am so sick and tired of myself and the way I live my life.<P>I have built up so many resentments over the years too. I don't hold on to them, but I do act out. Which is quite destructive.<P>So, my therapy is basically going back to childhood, and working my way forward. It can be quite scary, and you may think why bother? But, I have found I have "stuffed" so much stuff that I have become nothing but a stone. Uncapable of showing any real emotion. The only emotion I was able to show was anger. Now, at least I can cry. Its hard, but, I am hopeful. I am beginning to at least feel human! First time in 36 years!<P>Take Care<BR>PJ


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