Why would someone who professes disdain for prostitutes, who is in a committed relationship, express the desire to go to strip clubs? According to him, it isn't a 'sexual' thing, but rather a safe place to go have a drink. In his past, he has both dated and had sex with strippers. (though he sneers at the theory of paying for sex ... -- personally, it seems that paying to see someone's breasts and a great deal more is sexual -- if it weren't, why would they be where they are ? )<P>This is about to destroy our relationship. Is there something that I am missing here ? I can't continue to deal with this pain.

I'm at a loss for the "safe place to have a drink" thing. Although it's not really my bag, I have been to several strip clubs through out the years. It is very common among the white-collar business crowd to patronize such places while on out of town business trips. Some guys seem to really get into it and others are more like myself. I considered this activity much less frustrating than playing golf for business dealings. All I can really say is these places can be as bad as the customer desires (for a regular) or as non-eventful as the customer desires. Most dancers can tell in 5 seconds if they should just pass by a customer with only a smile. I think I would say that better than 80% of the patrons fall in the just going along category. <P>I would also say that you have your hands full if he is really attracted to stippers. Most guys get off on the flattery of a beautiful woman dancing for them fantasy thing, but they keep it in perspective that it's nothing more than a fantasy and she is not the kind of person that they would ever consider their type. Then there are the small percentages that are really turned on by these women.<P>A very good friend of mine was one of those guys. He genuinely thought they liked him. He used to spend $100s of dollars a week/month in these places. Knew them by name. Eventually he had secretly amassed a 15-20K credit card debt that financed his escapades and his divorce was not far after that. <P>Here's an option to consider. Go out to the clubs with him. Get your education on these places and see if you can fill his need by what you learn. P.S. Go to the places he normally goes. Looking for does he know their name? Do certain dancers act like they really know him? AKA they keep working him for a tip. Do the waitresses know what he drinks?<P><BR>Good luck,<BR>Mike<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Hi Infidelity (edited February 08, 2001).]

Oh yea, I almost forgot. These places charge $5 to $20 cover charge and drinks are normally 2x to 4x the cost of a regular bar, so the "safe place to drink" sounds pretty lame. Down here in Tampa these clubs are far from safe. The city council just enacted a minimum six-foot distance from the dancer rule and every day in the newspaper you can read about the arrests from the night before.