oh me oh my...... it is romance day on da way... what do you do when the feeling for romance are not there??<P>personally i would reather see this day banned from the calendar.<P>any suggestions??<BR>mercy

Hi Mercy - <P>Thanks for your response on my other post.<P>Well, H and I have discussed this too. He is dreading it...not knowing what his feelings will be, etc. As far as my feelings, I wouldn't want anything big either, knowing his struggles, I'm not sure if it would genuine. I prefer honest.<P>So, we aren't going to make a big deal out of it. The rest of the crazy world can celebrate a stupid day. Maybe a card (thinking of you), but definitely not the mushy intimate stuff. Maybe a nice dinner (buy some scallops/ shrimp with wine) at home and rent a movie.<P>This, of course, you are both in recovery mode and working together...<P>Good luck!<BR>SA

Oh boy I struggled with the V-Day thing. My H and I are supposedly in recovery - but not alot of romance felt on either side with us right now. <P>So....after many many ideas tossed around, I came up with a Plan A kinda thing. My biggest LB's over the years has been disrespectful judgements and selfish demands. If he did things I didn't like, I made it very clear that I disapproved. Oh yes, I was very rigid and controlling.<P>One example was/is his love of South Park. Ugh, what a stupid, nasty show. He gets alot of laughs from it though - and it became a source of many bitter fights. So, for V-Day I went out and bought him a South Park DVD (and shuddered when I touched it! )<P>I wrote this letter to go with it:<P>My beloved husband,<P>This is the most romantic gift I could imagine giving you this Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t fall into the “love” category of flowers, chocolates, lingerie and perfume; but none of these things would have had the meaning that this South Park DVD does for me.<P>I know that in the past I have complained about many of your pastimes, not because they took time away from the children and me, but because I didn’t think it was “appropriate”. I now know that it is not for me to judge, to correct or to selfishly demand that you change yourself to suit my ideals.<P>With this gift comes my most heartfelt promise: To respect your tastes and your interests, and to refrain from judging you. I love you, as you are, not as someone that I think you should be. <P>Your loving wife,<BR>