Man, did I get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning! I'm not quite sure why, I have just been really mad at him all day long & it's not going away. I was almost crying on the way to work this morning, and I've hardly said 2 words to anyone here today.<P>Big change from yesterday! You would have thought if I was going to be mad that V-Day would have been the day. I don't know what's wrong with me. My girls were giving me a hard time getting ready this morning and I just feel really alone & abandoned I guess. I try to get myself back into Plan A mode & feeling how I normally do again, but it's almost like I don't want to let this anger go.<P>Maybe I had a dream last night that I don't remember? Maybe I'm thinking about him & OW being together last night & it's bothering me more than I thought it would?<P>I certainly didn't think of any more notes to put in his balloons today (except maybe "bite me"-kidding, but that's how I feel today).<P>I just needed to vent, the last time I felt mad & I emailed one of my friends about it to get it out, I of course got the basic "good for you, get rid of him, blah, blah" email back. So I just needed to complain & I've learned that I can only do it here. I almost hope he doesn't call tonight cuz it's gonna be kinda hard to Plan A.<P>Thanks for listening/reading!

{{{{{{{bitsy}}}}}}} <P>Its alright to be mad-before I would talk to H (I'm plan B now) I would read over the love busters and than I would actually write out what I would say to H-than I would revise it and revise it to make it sound nicer and to make sure I wasn't Love busting. I know its hard. I have kept every note like this and some of them are sure nasty I'm glad I never did follow thru and say those things now. We are all here to hear you out. Hang in there!!!

Hi Bitsy,<P>Remember me, Orchid? The one you just helped? Please hang in there. We all need each other for support. My guess is that it is the weather. Gotta blame it on something. Isn't that what some of WS' do?<P>I been feeling real low today myself. My H asked if I had made any posts to this site and I said yes. I took a chance and sent him one of the e-mails from this site using my user name (I used to just copy it and paste it to his e-mail). I am not sure how he will react. <P>I seem to be carrying a lot of anxiety today. Can't seem to concentrate on my work. Thought I would be stronger than this and to tell you the truth, I am disappointed in myself. I don't like being on shaky ground. <P>Seeing other people (especially couples) happy and listening to all that love type of music on the radio is kind of nauseating right now, but that is my problem not anyone elses. Enough about me, here are some suggestions for you:<P>1. Treat yourself to something nice. <BR>2. If you are up to it, visit a friend. <BR>3. Get a massage or go to the spa. <BR>4. Pamper yourself a bit.<P>Treat those bruises you got when you got up on the wrong side of the bed. If I am starting to sound a bit silly, it is because I am. Crazy huh? I want you to get a better grip on yourself. <P>Take care and keep posting. <P>Aloha.<P>

Trs-thanks for the hug!! I don't think I'll be saying anything to him about being angry this time. . I told him some things I was mad about a few weeks ago (gently) and it actually went ok, I don't think it was really an LB, we just talked. But this time I'm going to keep it to myself. It's just been a bad day. . we're going to be doing "our" Valentine's Day sometime over the weekend, so I've got to get myself out of this funk. Tomorrow will be better.<P>Orchid-glad to know I helped you!! I know what you mean about being stronger, I'm finding out I'm usually pretty good & I actually have been amazing myself lately, but not today! I hope your H responds ok to your email. . do you just send him what you write, or do you send the responses too?<P>As far as doing something nice for myself I went shopping tonight & bought a pair of shorts, a candle and some flowers for my girls for Valentine's Day (I know it's a day late, it's a long story, don't think I'm a bad Mom, they understand). They're both so cute, they carry them around with them everywhere they go! I think it makes them feel grown up to get flowers.<P>Anyhow thanks for letting me vent, and as I've found out MB is really the only place I can say anything & everything & be understood.

bitsy, I KNOW why you got up on the wrong side of the bed. I've been there and done that...<P>Think about it: you've had some very good times together lately. YOU see how wonderful it can be, and you know HE sees it too. You were doing your best "keep a stiff upper lip" yesterday ... but somewhere in the night your subconscious took over ... there is resentment there - you know there is, but you have been SO good at keeping it from becoming what drives you. You have been SO UP!! You've worked so hard and bent over backward to work on YOU ...<P>But there it was - Valentine's Day. You got SOMETHING, but you just KNOW that he spent the lover's holiday with the OW when he should have either spent it with you and the girls, or spent it alone. The resentment we can keep at bay and push aside doesn't really go away... it is there, waiting for an opportunity to be released.<P>So, a grumpy day followed. Not surprising, not terrible, and NOT YOUR FAULT!!!<P>I hope this sheds a little bit of light on the hows and whys. I found a few pounds of resentment myself today, for other reasons... but I know exactly what you are feeling!<P>Hugs!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Hi Bitsy,<P>You sound in better spirits. I am glad. In regards to me, no H did not respond but he did read it. H is upset with me & himself again. Doubt he will respond after tonight.<P>Anyway, posting here is therapy for my soul. Not sure how much value it is bringing to him. <P>As for you and the rest of us..... Keep on smiling. Makes them spend 'their' energy wondering what we are up to and maybe keep them out of more trouble.<P>See ya!!<P><BR>

terri-I think you're right. . delayed reaction! I mean no matter how hard I work on myself, I've still got feelings & I can't just ignore them. They're going to come out, it's just how I handle them that counts. I didn't talk to him yesterday at all, kinda glad cuz I don't think I would have been able to hide my feelings very well. I was on the computer & on the phone for most of the evening last night so I don't know if he tried to call or not.<P>Thanks for pointing out how "up" I've been lately, I'm glad someone notices & it also reminds me that I have been doing a pretty good job.<P>orchid-thanks again! In regards to your email to your H & him being upset w/himself & you. . I think he's really upset w/himself, it's just easier for him to be upset w/you. They feel so much guilt & in order to not make themselves crazy (or to allow the A to continue) they have to lie to themselves about what the real problem is. If he does bring up the subject, just remember to listen & be understanding & supportive of him.<P>Thanks to you all & today is a MUCH better day!

Bitsy,<P>You have a right to feel the way that you do.<P>Your H spent a Holiday (that was meant for loved ones) with that stupid OW, instead of you & your family.<P>If you didn't get upset over that, then it means that you are numb...and I know that you are not.<P>What your H did was disrespectful. Even if he does make it up to you this weekend...you know that it isn't the same because he put the OW before you.<P>Again...I don't blame you one bit for being po'd.