I'm in Plan B, but I've had to take other steps, supported by Steve H., because H has been using corporate acct. from our jointly owned business to fund his lifestyle with OW. Today, he kicked my door in demanding to know what I'd done with the money. I called 911 and he was stopped in town. He passed sobriety test, though he reeked of alcohol when he was here. Later he called to apologize and said he would not come back again, just wanted to be sure payroll would be met this week. He asked if I still meant what I said in Plan B letter. I said yes, I just took necessary steps to protect myself and do what I thought was necessary. I referred him to my lawyer (a recovering alcoholic himself) and to Steve Harley. I don't know if he'll call either, but he asked for both numbers. He said, as he has before, that relationship with OW isn't going anywhere and that he still loves me. I repeated that it's too painful to talk to him while he's still living with her. All in all, it was a heavy day.

WoW! You deserve a bubble bath!<P>Here's for a better tomorrow.<P>------------------<BR>~*~*Yesterday~*~*<BR>all my problems seemed so far away~*

Yesterday,<BR>Thanks, I was just about to do that! Actually, I'm glad it's over since I knew when he found out that something like this would happen and it certainly could have been worse.

LetSTry,<P>It's hard to know where rock-bottom is...<BR>...and all too often the WS must hit it...<BR>...before any reasonable recovery is started.<P>I'll be praying for you.<P> <P>Jim

It sounds like you are handling the move to Plan B really well. Try to focus on the hope that plan B holds out and then take care of you while you wait!

Lets -<P>Hang in there! I agree with Yesterday - a bubble bath is defintely in order! Keep me posted! I'm thinking about you!<P>Vee

In order to make a recurrence more difficult, you may want to look into the door club, and potentially <I>other</I> added security measures. Breaking through an interior door is bad enough, but kicking in a front door is done in full view of the public and shows an abandonment of the constraints that most people observe.

I had another unpleasant encounter with H this morning at the Post Office. I beat him to the p.o. box to pick up the mail, which included the govt. checks we receive to run our business. He was furious that I have cut off his access to the general acct. since he was using it to support his carefree lifestyle with OW without having to work.<P>He came to the house while I was gone and deleted the icon for our internet server (fortunately I have teenagers at home to help me with computer stuff) and took the instructions for the on-line billing process. Fortunately again, I'd already made a copy last week.<P>While looking in the recycle bin for internet server - fortunately he only deleted icon - I found a letter he'd written to me after the last time we were together. It was absolutely devastating. I am a horrible, dishonest b****, spreading lies about him to anyone who'll listen, playing the martyr, and pretending to be devastated that he left me. He loves OW. I never loved him but she loves him and he felt horrible about violating her trust by being with me. I just didn't need to see that after the last 2 days (how about the last 6 months!).<P>I'm afraid this is all perceived by him as some serious LB'ing. But I don't know what else to do to protect myself and the business. He is in total denial that he's not functioning normally, that he hasn't figured out how to drink normally, etc.<P>I hope this settles down soon, but it doesn't look like it's going to. My legal separation should be filed this week.

Lets -<P>Keep doing what you're doing. Regardless of whether or not he thinks it's an LB, it's really not. You're doing what is finacially prudent. Because he is an alcoholic, he'll need to hit rock bottom. Get the locks chagned!!!! I don't care what anyone else says, the next time, he could come into the house and take everything, not to mention harm you. He's punishing you because of his behavior. Be strong and do what is necessary for your kids. He'll lead you into finacial ruin, so don't let him do that.<P>Vee

LetsTry,<P>Like you, I am/was a co-owner of a corporation with my H before this year began, before he left and took up with the OW, etc. My H and I were the only two shareholders, and our business was pretty successful. However, unlike you, I did not stay at the business--I left and got a federal job for the security for my kids. This left my H as the only corporate officer working at the business. Within about a month, our employees quit, which left him as the only person working at the company. <P>At the time when he moved out, we were set up to get payroll checks just like any other employee. However, as corporate officers, we also had access to the corporate bank account. When he left, I resigned my corporate officer position, but retained my shares. I renegotiated the business lease, so that the business no longer held the lease at the address with my name on it (thus, I forced him to move the business into a new address at a lease with just his name on it). I then sent a copy of the resignation letter to all of our vendors, along with a letter informing everyone that I was officially not responsible for any debt after Feb. 3, 2000, and that any bill after that date should be sent to my H at new business address. I notified the bank to take my name and signatures off of all bank accounts (and I found a secret account he had set up by doing that), and the last thing I did was cash all my old, past paychecks. <P>I can't tell you how much I sympathize with your situation. I was lucky--I had a way to get out and start over. But LetsTry, you have to do what is in the best interests of yourself and your business, and having your H waste company assets on his MLC OW is not in the company's best interests!!! Stand firm, because you are protecting yourself, your family, your company, and all the time and effort you put in building this company. <P>If he wants to be unfaithful and carry on with the OW, there is not anything you can do about it. It hurts like heck, but you can't force him to stop. But what you CAN do is protect yourself, your family and your business until the day that he starts to think clearly again. It is not reasonable to think that he can spend the company's money--especially when he's not working. It is not reasonable to thing that he can take away all your hard work for his own selfish pleasure. So, stand firm, girl. You are doing EXACTLY the right thing. You are being very calm, very responsible, and very logical. Stay this course, and if he storms away all around you, just remember that you are on the right path! Stand firm.<P>{{{{{LetsTry}}}}}<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Thanks everyone for all the support.<P>FaithfulWife, Sounds like you went through a very similar situation. So where do things stand now with you and your H?<P>Today was a strange day. My H showed up at work determined to attend monthly team meeting though I asked him not to. I didn't react, just carried on as usual. After the meeting we talked. He thanked me for letting him stay, but was pretty defensive at first. He said he'd gotten a lawyer who'd fight my lawyer because I couldn't do this to him, etc. For almost the first time (seriously) since the affair started, I actually got angry at him, told him that though I take 1/2 the responsibility for the problems in our marriage, he made all the choices that lead to our current situation, I'm not supporting OW with company money, I stood firm on taking over as administrator and being only signer on checks, but I told him that if he would come to work and be available by pager for emergencies like he used to, he could be the RN as he has been. He was testy, but accepted this arrangement "for now."<P>Then he told me that he is moving into a trailer, alone, without OW. He said he still loves me and wants to try to reconcile. He agreed to come here tomorrow to talk to Steve Harley with me. We went out to lunch and talked about some of our family of origin issues. We hugged and kissed. When we got back to work he even wanted to have sex, but I reminded him that he said he wouldn't cheat on OW anymore.<P>So now I don't know if I'm being manipulated once again, if he meant what he said but will follow his usual course after getting too close to me and withdraw again, or...?<BR>