I was doing well with no contact, not thinking about the future, working on me and my goals putting thoughts of my marriage aside for awhile while my H didnt contact me.<P>Now since Sunday when we met, he called sun night, Monday, and again last night to talk about the earthquake and check on me. I am right back on the ride with ups and downs. I though it showed thoughfullness that he called me after the earthquake. I want him to call again tonight because he said he might about some stuff he wants.<P> I need to keep it in prosective that it could take a long time yet for them to break up. Hes not going to end it cleanly if he can help it. She sounds ready to hang on for the long haul. I dont want to get into the him having us both senario for too long, but I cant help but think its good that he is able to talk to me as a friend again after so long with no contact.<P>Help!<BR>Lora<p>[This message has been edited by Lora (edited March 03, 2001).]

Hi Lora - this may sound crazy, but for me, knowing that my wife and OM are still at it gives me some relief. For awhile I thought it had died a natural death and I was getting antsy because my wife showed no signs of wanting to work on the marriage. I was afraid that even with OM out of the picture, she was not capable of finally admitting the affair and start to work on the marriage. Then I found out that it wasn't over, and her behavior became explainable again. Twisted, maybe. But I'd rather deal with a known than an unknown.<P>WAT

WAT,<P>I know exactly what you mean. It one thing to think they cant commit to us when they are in the fog of an affair, but quite another to think the have ended it and still cant stand us! Thats why I take a little comfort in hearing that she is still calling, along with the pain it brings. And this is the first time she has said anything about noticing something is wrong between the 2 of them. So I keep hoping she will get needy and clingy and pushy while I remain cool and collected and the better, safer, more fun to be with ulternative.<P>I might add that I think we are reversing roles, I remember when I was the needy one and she was the fun one that he escaped with. <BR>lora<p>[This message has been edited by Lora (edited March 01, 2001).]

Hello, Lora<BR>Just read your post several times.<P>My h. is the ws and the affair is one year old. Two fogs: alcohol, then affair.<P>Been horrendous year.<P>REcently, entered web site. Have discussed my situation with Dr. Harley and S. Harley.<BR>Even though contact is very minimal, there is not divorce yet. <P>They said send Plan Aish letter. I composed one. WAnt to send it soon. <P>Did you do letter?<P>Am on your wavelength. Many of the same comments and feelings. CAn validate and agree with much of what you say.<P>Would like to hear from you. <P>I will try to read your profile; on roll call? e-mail?<P>My post on PlanA/B(latest date)explains my circumstances. Tried to do roll call, but it is under Just Found Out. Am new to this all. <P>Need support and advice. <P>Will check for reply later.<P>elo

Hi elo,<P>I answered you on PlanA/B post. welcome. Keep posting. <BR>Lora

Lora,<P>You said he is all of the sudden calling lately. You also heard vmail saying "hope you are not mad.." It's possible that things aren't going so great and he might be testing the waters with you. I don't know. Just an idea. Who really knows what lurks in the minds of those beings?