Hi all,<BR>I need feedback on this issue. Spoke to S. Harley; advised me to definitely contact h.'s mother and approach from viewpt: I need your advice. See how she reacts and responds.<BR>Brief:<BR>ws in affair/lyear now. alcohol is factor in equation with ow. He has filed and stopped divorce 2x. Ambivalent. He supported me/our 3 children for first 5-6 mos. Then, money decreased/disappeared. I was paying our entire household bills with $2000 per month he sent. then, it went to $500 then to $0. <P>I filed for Child Support; on 10/12, at hearing, judgment was about $1800. HE BOLDLY, AUDACIOUSLY AND DEFIANTLY REFUSED TO PAY. After 6 months, Child Support contacted him and told him they would revoke/suspend his driver's license; he told them his employer. I finally got<BR>$400 last week. <P>After he stopped paying in Aug 2000, I could not afford the house notes/1st/2nd mortgages. Now, foreclosure is around the corner.<P>Then, today, I called mortgage company, and they told me he called several times in the past month and told them:<BR>1. marital problems (?) I sincerely do not believe that our differences are irreconcilible. I have told him that.<BR>(he didn't tell them he was divorcing, nor did he tell them he was in the middle of an affair!! Of course, I would like to think he is at the end of the affair (wishful thinking, I know!)<BR>2. he was paying me plenty of child support and I am not using the money to keep up the notes!!!!!!!! Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies. etc.<BR>3. Then, he agrees to a forebearance pre-payment plan where he has to pay $5000 up front and then $720 a month for each of the next 3 months--just to catch up. I was shocked. Didn't even ask me; my name on the loan.<P>I told h. 6 months ago, we would lose the house and he didn't believe me. Now, I have no idea what he is up to.<BR>Where is he getting $5000? Then, I found out his mother called OUR mortgage company to try to talk to them! They would not talk to her, thank goodness. <P>Since he left, there has been plenty of hidden money for him to support his other life:<BR>1. amended our 96, 97 and 98 fed. returns; signed my name to them and to a $2900 tax refund check.<BR>2. amended a state return; signed my name to the return and the check.<BR>3. cashed both and used for self and other life.<BR>4. DAy he left, he had $750 in his pocket.<BR>5. In jan. 2000, the very day I found out about affair, he was in accident with ow in his truck; both drunk and he had $300 in his pocket. Found out about money later when I saw deposit slips.<BR>6. He has been delinquent on his truck notes for months and even now.<BR>7. His utilities were late and affected our domicile.<P>Now, here is the $64,000 question:<P>Should I expose his sins to his mother? Should I reveal to her the truth about the financial devasatation that he is causing me and our children?<P>Again, let me remind you:<BR>Steve Harley highly suggested that I call her. Would like to hear your comments, suggestions, etc.<P>Also, he avoids us. Minimal contact. We are blips on his radar screen. If you were me, would you confront him and ask him why he is telling Child support and mortgage companies that he is paying me when I can prove he isn't?<P>Would this be a love buster? Make him mad.<P>On Steve harley's advice, after he heard my story, I sent a Letter (plan a).<P>My h. affair is a double whamy for me: alcohol and affair addictions; IF HE EVER CAME OUT OF THE FOG AND THE PASSION BALLOON DEFLATED, HE MIGHT SEE WHAT HE HAS DONE AND CONTINUES TO DO TO HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN. nOW, SO SELF-INDULGENT, IT IS UNBELIEVEABLE.<P>Would you contact his mother?<BR>Would you contact and ask him why he is lying?<P>Looking forward to your reply.<BR>My story is in roll call.<BR>My e-mail available.<P>Feedback and input would be sincerely appreciated.<P>elo

Hi Elo,<P><BR>Sorry you are having such issues with your H. I am not sure what you should do. First and formost what type of relationship do you have with his Mother? Will she listen to you? I would also wonder why she would call your Morgage company to try and find out information. <P>Personally I would probably not say anything to the MIL. I told Tony's Mother about all of Tony's affairs and she did not care. I hate his family. They helped him cheat on me this entire time. I also hate them for the way they treat me. But this is my situation. They would never ever think that their little baby boy is the biggest peice of crap that he really is. <P>Now really think what it would do? Would it help you or hurt you? Do you think she would support you or rally around your H? Does it really matter where he comes up with the money as long as you get what is due to you? If it would make you feel better tell your MIL that he has not paid child support and you need the money to keep her grand children in their home.<P>I know that my Dad left my Mom with no financial support at all. My dad's family helped us all the time to make up for my father lack of being an adult. Maybe your MIL is the one giving the money and hence the call the Morgage company. She wanted to know the real story.<P>As far as the Morgage company I would explain to them that you are going through a divorce and they should under no circumstance talk to the STBX since he is not on the note.<P>Hang in there and take it one day at a time. You will make it through this mess. But remember protect you and your children above all else.