Hi, <P>As I read these posts, so many of you talk about how you have made some contact with op/ow. Sometimes, it may not be intentional. <P>Would it be a smart move for me to contact the ow or would I be making a major mistake?<P>elo

Depends on the circumstances. But generally the concensus is to let it go, concentrate on yourself and your marriage. Let God handle the rest.

Hi, elo, sorry to meet you here under the circumstances. I spoke to the OW a few times online and once on the phone. My H ended his EA/PA on Aug 20 and came home. She kept trying to keep the contact and I went online to get her to stop. HE wasn't doing it and it was interfering in MY life now. It went sort of OK, I was glad I did it. We were all very civil(yuck). I called her at work after Christmas after she IMd him yet again. I told her every time she tried to get him, she would get ME. and that the next time I would tell her H. Guess what, no more calls!

By contacting OW you will only give her and your H something to talk about....this is coming from experience. Also, most OW's are afraid of the wife so they will be on the defensive. They will say things to hurt you. OW told me I was acting like an immature high scholl girl (who was sneaking around with my H telling lies?) Anyways the conversations always haunt me.

I let her contact me. She has twice emailed. I forwarded them to my H. I replied, she replied, I refused to play her game. <P>I did write her letter, that I didn't send, looking back I wish had, maybe things would be different.<P>but I would not contact her unless she does you.

Although I've wanted to, I haven't. . in my situation it wouldn't have made any difference anyway, that's probably true in most cases.<P>Actually, OW ended up contacting me after she found out we were still seeing each other. I was very pleasant to her. It was seen as a MAJOR LB on her part, while I didn't do anything wrong. Ended up being a plus for me!

I already knew OW because she was an employee. In fact, she told my H that we were good friends and talked all the time. I contacted her once because H lied that she was living with him so I went to his motel room and found her there. We had a very civil conversation but she also denied A. When I left we hugged (weird). Then I saw her a few days ago when my H went home to their house to pack his things and never returned. When I got there I just walked in and caught them in the bathtub together. I've described the rest of the scene elsewhere so I won't repeat it here. H has been making attempts to leave without another scene for the last few days but not succeeding. He spends the day with me telling me he loves me and asking for advice about how to leave her but then goes home to her at night. I'm afraid that even when he finally manages to leave her, it won't be over since he is such a conflict avoider. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take...

I did contact OW when I thought I was dealing with a sane person that may have been misled by my H. Was I wrong. There are other posts created not that long ago about this same question. A lot of responses on that one. <P>In my case, the OW is 'Mrs. Psyco Babble', she doesn't shut up, constant talker. Even H says she probably drove her H away from her with her constant talking (kept her H up all night to talk things out). They are getting a divorce now. <P>Anyway, efforts to reason with OW were wasted, the only benefit was that she showed her 'evil' side, she also disclosed what she knew about me or thought she knew about me. She did know what street and city I live in, knows my employer and my work and cell phone numbers. Since I have this in writing, it is enough for me to file harrassment paperwork whenever I am ready and this will eventually lead her to court. Her conduct and her e-mail responses are similar to the Glen Close character in movie Fatal Attraction. I had others read her e-mail responses just to make sure I was not exagerrating. <P>Again, I took whatever lemons were handed out and make lemonade. OW is now paranoid, wondering what I may do next. See I know where she lives. hmmmm. Keep them wondering. <P>My motto: Keep them on their toes. Hard to do an A. while standing on your toes!<P><BR>L.

For me it's been a comedy of errors. OW #1 and I actually came to blows - yes actual fighting. Not good - but I won. My H thought it was funny and it actually led to her family telling her she was crazy for becoming involved with a married man. They tell you things you really don't want to know or deliberately hurt you so you can make your H run to their cluthces.<P>OW # 2 - found out about her by accident. I was going to call her and tell her to get a life after I realized the number belonged to her. Instead I confronted my H about it. All in all - for me - they've been experiences I'd rather forget and hope they stay buried if I ever run for political office! <P>Vee

Well, I called OW as soon as I found out - didn't know her at all, found her number in my H's data directory. We had two long conversations and it was after that that my H said she was starting to distance herself. I think talking to a real person who wasn't the horrible witch she was told I was made a difference. Also it helps that we live in Alberta and she lives in Minnesota!! (They met first online you see - damn Yahoo chat). Anyway - my phone conversations were good with OW, she's not a bad person at all. Very mixed up, a young mother and widow looking for someone I'm sure. However, it was good we didn't continue contact after the first few days because as others have said here, it is better to focus on your marriage and you as a couple and not cloud it with OP.<BR>