It is really late and I am absolutely exhausted but I need to post this. Mind you, I'm not really comfortable talking about sex, especially my sex life, but given all our situations and the nature of the board being anomynous, this is where I feel I can turn and be safe with this.<BR>A few weeks ago this happened and just happened again. I'm not sure if I can discuss this here, hopefully it isn't a taboo subject.<BR>I know we all have those visions and movies playing on in our heads. They really haven't been too bad, or should I say as bad during the day in my daily routine. They pop in my head but don't affect me as badly as often.<BR>Yesterday, my H left for a 3 day , 2 night trip to a nearby town for a series of meetings that he had to stay over for. Last night he called and said he didn't know he needed a suit for a dinner for the next night and would be home early in the am to pick it up. (He was telling me so I wouldn't be alarmed at someone trying to get in the house.) By the end of the conversation he decided to come home late that evening, sleep at home and go back to the hotel to shower, with the suit. Now I know he came home for the suit, but he made the effort to come that night and stay with me, instead of staying out with the collegues, and that meant alot.<BR>So we are being intimate and I really want to but right in the middle I have this sort of out of body experience. I can feel what is going on but am seeing them doing it. It was as if I was looking down on them. (I don't know what she looks like, but have an idea and that is enough for the imagination to take off.) My reaction is that I can't shake the image, I have to stop, and then I start to cry really hard. He holds me and reassures me. He says that he understands how I feel and why this is happening. The wierd thing is that this never seems to happen if I'm just needing it. But if the intimate moment has anything to do with my wanting to please him, this happens. He said to me that he feels that he has ruined sex for me forever. <BR>I soooo much want to be with my H again. I really do desire him. I'm just wondering if this happened to anyone else, and how they got past it. Are there any suggestions on how to push these images out of my head?<BR>I just wanted to let you know that it took me 20 minutes to decide to submit this post!<BR>

Self protection maybe?? It's hard to open yourself back up after all the hurt you've been thru. . I think it means letting go of all the anger & hurt inside you, and I think that can be a scary feeling. Baby steps. I think it's something that will pass, especially the way your H is being very understanding. Try to reassure him that he hasn't ruined sex forever, talk about how you feel right now, and how you want to feel. This situation is because of mistakes your H made, but you BOTH need to heal together. Someone very wise (lostva) told me that recovery is much harder than discovery or separation. Sounds like your H is willing to do the work though! Thats great! In your other post you mentioned something about your H was only doing retrouville to help you, except he gave 110%, actions speak so loudly! Good luck!

Thanks for the reply Bitsy. I think you may be right about the self-preservation thing. I am just so scared to become vulnerable to him.<BR>I wanted to pull this back up to the top. I realize this is a personal subject, and this isn't an easy subject for me, but I feel that some of you have probaly experienced this and I feel safe here. For some reason,I turned here for this advice out of all the other support networks I have set up.Any other suggestions?

Not Giving Up,<BR>Well, for one thing, when you start to feel your mind slip like that, either say to yourself, or even outloud, "(H name) is my beloved husband." I used this phrase because it was different than anything I would usually say, ie, H I love you, you're wonderful...<P>Other things:<BR>Make sure there is a little light, at least a candle, so you can look at his face and keep focused on the 2 of you.<P>Ask him to open his eyes/and or look at you.<P>Say his name.<P>Ask him to say your name. (You might want to talk about this one beforehand, so he doesn't have some sort of stupid attack.)<P>The OW has no place in your bed. Don't give her or the memory of her that power.<P>This is the man you want, the man you love, enjoy him.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8