My H is acting like he has some sort of ammo on me now, but I'm sorry, I just don't think what I did was so wrong.<P>We've had a trying few weeks, between the miscarriage and me discovering that he was at an embryo stage of an IA (our internet service is now disconnected at home). But we're muddling through everything.<P>Anyway, lately I've missed my old wrestling days...a lot. So yesterday I went to Suncoast and bought a few wrestling videos from a few years ago. While my girlfriends and I were training with Moolah, we would go to house shows all the time. Well, on one of the tapes was footage from a show that my friends and I were in the front row. My H and I were watching it, and I excitedly pointed out, "hey, this was the show in Nashville we raised hell at!" H and I had been dating for about 3 or 4 weeks, and were living in Columbia at the time. He didn't go with me to this show.<P>Anyway, the #1 heel wrestler at the time was (and still is) my idol in the business. The person I looked up to and emulated. Not to mention the most drop-dead gorgeous man I have ever seen in my life. I was 18 at the time - you know, the age of hormonal hell. He came out and I went nuts...and so did every other woman in the building. Although I think I was the only one not dressed like a total whore, in my chemille sweater and black jeans.<P>He came out and started performing, and he kept looking at me (at the time, I totally thought that I was imagining things, but my friend kept saying, "why does he keep looking at you?") He left, and came back out for the last match on the card to be in his friend's corner. His friend wins, crowd starts booing and calling the friend names and calling him "gay"...he looked over at me, walked over, and gave me a knock-your-socks-off kiss. When it's finally over, I have this sh*t-eatin' grin that had to practically be surgically removed from my face. And of course the wonderful cameraman picked that up. But big deal - he had done this on television a few times before.<P>Fast forward to last night...my H is absolutely LIVID after seeing this. He's like, "I can see you had a GREAT time in Nashville. And you get on ME about cheating." How is that cheating? We had been DATING...for maybe, <I>maybe</I> four weeks. I didn't feel that I needed to tell him about that - we were not committed at that point, and hell, he went and f'ed one of my friends two weeks later! He kept attacking me about it, and he's like, "so did you end up sleeping with him later? No wonder you kept talking about that trip for so long!" I finally said, "no, but I should have, since YOU decided to have so much fun with those dogs you rutted with later." <P>I've tried seeing this from his "perspective," and I just can't. This is so stupid! Do I need to apologize for the men that I was with before him, too? He's slept with close to 100 women, 1 while he was married to me, but that doesn't matter? I see it as he thinks that he's found some sort of ammo to use against me and so he is. I've tried to open my mind, but I cannot believe that this can be perceived as a betrayal to him. Am I wrong here?<p>[This message has been edited by Carolina Belle (edited March 20, 2001).]

Don't look for perspective or proportionality ... or even a sense of how long ago it happened--to him it <I>just</I> happened, because he never knew about it. <P>Just say "Hey, that's a long time ago and it's PG-rated!" If he wants to stew about it, he can do it privately, just don't tolerate him taking it out on you in any way.

Emphatically, and resoundingly: NO - that was not cheating.<P>That said, it is obvious that your husband is sensitive to it for some reason, and the best thing you can do is to try to understand that it DOES upset him. How to express this, I don't know - other than to reassure him that you did not sleep with the guy and had no interest in doing so. And that you STILL have no interest in doing so.<P>It is soooo ironic how they react to situations from long ago. When we were just newly living together, my husband found out about a drunken party I'd gone to with high school friends once - it was one of those things in my past I'd like to be able to erase - where all the partners of all the couples, married an unmarried, wound up with someone else for part of the night... including myself and also the guy I was dating at the time. It had happened over years BEFORE I had ever even met him - and it was NOT something that was ever repeated. All of the marriages at the party at that time have long since become divorces - and most were on the way to that when this party occurred (not an excuse, just an observation). After my husband found out about this, he was the most upset I have ever ever seen him! He said he needed to know how I felt about it because he needed to know what my attitudes were about marriage - did I have any respect for marriage? I did my best to reassure him that it was something that I was not proud of and would never do again.<P>This is the same man who is moving to Florida in a couple of weeks with the slug he took up with because she was "fun."<P>I don't get it, either, CB - not at all.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Definitely not cheating--Looks like that was part of the show--Could've been you or any other hot chick.<BR>This is crazy--jealousy bites...give him a little while to cool off-not too long..<BR>I just can't believe that would be used in the same statement as an Affair... <BR>Probably hurts more that you didn't tell him that you were kissed when it happened...Like you said, you weren't committed, dating...Kind of looney!!!

Dear CB:<P>Before responding I wanted to review some of your old posts. I personally believe that a man who has had affairs as your husband has is no position whatsoever to criticize your actions before you were in a committed relationship with him. One kiss in a public place at a wrestling show is in no way cheating. <P>I am a little bit irritated today, so please take everything I say with a grain of salt. I have read your posts and you are remarkable woman to have put up with what you have. If my wife would only treat me half as well as you have treated your husband, I would be ecstatic. After her constant sexual rejections, I am almost to the point of walking out, but my commitment to God, my children, and my marriage will not let me. <P>I did not realize you were a former pro wrestler. I want to let you know that I have a lot of respect for pro wrestlers. I know that they must combine extreme athleticism with charisma and showmanship in addition to constantly risking extreme injury. But I really don't see how you have resisted the temptation to throw your husband through the window after his actions, especially since you have the skills. When another lawyer is being especially abrupt, I sometimes fantasize about the things I could do if I really tried. <P>Anyway, I just wanted to know that I have read your posts, and it is comforting to know that there are women out there who really care about improving their marriages. For whatever it's worth, one slightly overweight, middle-aged Texas lawyer thinks you have done just fine. <P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,<BR>John

What you did is not cheating. However, you will likely never convince him of that. Serial cheaters are the first to see cheating everywhere but in their own actions...I think it is some sort of defense mechanism. I've read your old posts, and I have to say your H reminds me a lot of a friend's exH.<P>Good Luck.