. <p>[This message has been edited by Rodger (edited May 01, 2001).]

Two wrongs don't make a right. When H & W each have an affair, it makes it even more difficult to recover.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>When H & W each have an affair, it makes it even more<BR>difficult to recover.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>If not impossible. I know.<P>Just visit the Divorced/Divorcing board. <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

It can be done. I am not saying that it isn't difficult.<BR>Look for posts from peppermint and firestorm. They are married and recovering.

Rodger, it sounds as though you are considering a "revenge" affair... and let me be the first to say IT IS A HORRIBLE AND STUPID IDEA!!! If that is NOT what you are saying here, then I apologize for my vehemence.<P>Whether or not a strong marriage can result in the situation you describe is not the question here - the question is can you and your wife have a strong marriage without adding more suffering to your lives? And the answer is yes. But both of you have to want to make your marriage strong.<P>You have posted several times about your wife's affair - does she or does she not recognize that what she did is wrong? Do you or do you not love her? Will you forgive her or will you allow the resentment to eat at you?<P>Please consider counseling. It does not sound as if you are dealing at all well with this situation on your own ... and we can certainly understand that! Discovering a spouse's infidelity has been described as the worse emotional pain you can ever feel. It is not something that most of us can just "forget about" - although the unfaithful one would wish it so simply because it would be easier for her to not have to look at you and see your pain.<P>I hope that something of what I've said is helpful to you in some way...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Cleo,<BR>Peppermint didn't have an affair, Firestorm resumed his affair after saying it was over, but they are in recovery.<P>I had an affair 11 years ago, but we thought we recovered. My H, Guard, had an affair 3 years ago, after 18 months & 7 separations, I became over-involved with a male friend.<P>H & I have been back in the same household since May and are recovering...slowly. It is, I believe, much more difficult when both spouses have both BS & WS issues/pain/hurt/guilt/anger. And although there is a degree of understanding how bad decisions come to be, ie, getting into the affair, neither partner is trustworthy, both must be accountable & working hard on the marriage.<P>With us, it has taken the MB principles & support boards, faith in God, a wonderful counselor, gritty determination and continual forgiveness. It's a journey I wouldn't wish on an enemy, but I think that down the road our marriage will build to be a good one. Our kids, 15 & almost 13 have already benefitted--though they may not know it--by having 2 caring parents in the home every night. And one thing, along with knowing the best of each other, we also know the worst...but the worst is of little comfort.<P>Stick to the high road.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8