W moved out a couple of weeks ago. <BR>I knew she had some EA for sure with another man. <P>A week ago Friday W finally fessed up w/details of PA, too. Their last contact was Friday. She has said she has ended contact with OM. I think this is true because I spoke to OM's W and OM has told her he has committed to breaking contact too. OMW and I have committed to each other to let the other know if contact is made. While they could make contact w/o us knowing I still think we would find out and tell one another. BTW, OM lives several states away (1,000+ miles) and much of their contact over the past few months has been phone, e-mail etc. <P>W & I had a tough weekend, but the bottom line is I told my W I still love her and want to go ahead with salvaging our marriage. I think I can do my part...I hope so. I have recognized some of the EN I was not meeting an dI am willing to work toward meetin those but also find what other needs must be met and work towards meeting those. <P>She is in counseling and so am I, but we are not counselling together. She asked her counselor about us coming there together and her counselor said not to try couple counselling until she is in the same place as I am--that is: committed to the marriage.<P>Here's what my wife tells me:<P>1. she loves me<P>2. she believes that we can salvage our marriage if she makes the commitment.<P>3. right now she can't make the commitment becuase of this "other thing"<P>4 she feels lost confused, lonely, anxious, and like she is spinning out of control.<P>5. She has said she is trying to get to where I am but for me not to push her.<P>Does this sound like she is going through withdrawal?<P>I am at a place where I am no longer pushing her for anything. If she calls me, and she does, fine. If she e-mails me, and she does, fine. If we see each other it has to be her request. I am not asking. We do still do stuff (dinner, movies etc.) together and talk every day.<P>What I am trying to do is be here for her. I am trying to follow plan A. No anger, disrespect or demands. I am trying to be thoughtful and respect her.<P>I know we have a tough road ahead if she commits, but I also know we could make it. Even her therapist said she thinks we can but W has to commit.<P>Does anyone have any suggestions...does this sound similar to anyone else's scenario.<P>I would like some feedback if possible. <P>I don't want to give up, but I also am having a tought time coping, too. Is patience a key, now? <P>Thanks for any help or feedback you can provide.<BR>

Elad,<BR>I heard "I love you but I can't commit to you" many times. At the time we'd been married 15 years, so it sounded like nonsense to me. And the bad news is that I heard it for about 21 months through out 7 separations, 18 months of which I did Plan A, and by the time he did want our marriage, I no longer was too enthusiastic and served him D papers.<P>If your W's no contact just began this weekend, she likely has barely begun withdrawal. My H's former OW was/is a co-worker so continuing contact with affair resumptions was always a problem. 1000 miles sounds wonderful to me!<P>Still, though it took a long time, we have made it. My H came off the fence of loving me, but not wanting to live with me as a husband and wooed me into stopping the divorce and another reconciliation. We've been back together almost a year. <P>Love, patience, time are the keys. A good Plan A, followed by Plan B if she still "can't commit".<P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Elad,<P>I am so sorry to hear of your pain. It is not the same as my story, but it is a familiar one on these boards.<P>It sounds to me as though you are doing the right things for now. <P>Keep in contact with her. Let her know that you care. She will probably not want to hear that right now, so don't push, but do keep letting her know.<P>Keep reading. I found it helped me to read several different authors's opinions about affairs. It gave me perspective.<P>Know that although you may be partly responsible for her happiness, she is 100% responsible for her actions. You did not deserve this to happen to you.<P>Do post again with an update. Folks here do care.<P>All the best. <P>--HBC<P>