I just wanted to know if Harley says anything about how we should deal with a crazy, psychotic OW? She has wrecked my H's car twice while it was parked (we cannot prove this although she admitted to him the first time), she follows him and knows his every move, she has now had "a friend" call me at work (a number which she really had to do some research to get), and various other things. The A has been over since December and was off from Aug to Nov before that. My H is REALLY trying I think but the feelings this brings up I don't know how to deal with. I know from reading on this site that I'm not the only one dealing with evil OPs so, hopefully someone can offer suggestions or let me know how you've dealt with this (emotionally and physically). We don't have enough concrete evidence to actually file charges. She's pretty sneaky but its her.

Who cares what the Harleys say on this one... I'd call the police and tell them who you "think" is behind this -- perhaps a restraining order is in order???<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

thanks for the reply. The police were called the first time. But we don't have any real evidence. She admitted to it over the phone to my H (actually she called him and said "Your car is just the beginning" that's how he found out it was wrecked. NO witnesses though. I called about restraining orders and was told they are for H's and W's only (domestic type things) I asked about anti-harassment orders and was told we had to have a lot of proof taped phone conversations or witnesses. I don't know what else to do. We have started documenting our sightings of her or contacts but don't have anything but our word that she was there.

wow... well, I hope someone who has EXPERIENCE with this situation will drop by and tell you what they did!!<P>I'm so sorry you're going through this... it's TERRIBLE... <P>...In California I **know** you can make a harrassment police report without proof of who is involved. I had to do it for another situation -- our tires were slashed in our front yard when we dared to quit an abusive church -- and the report sticks around to be used when/if there is another incident.<P>...so I'm kinda baffled about what you can do.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited April 11, 2001).]

I wonder who is telling you this stuff--the police.<BR>Restraining orders for H and w --as in domestic cases...maybe that differs from department to department.<BR>You may have grounds for an "order of protection"...this proof thing is kind of crazy....If someone says they heard someone making threats, don't they take them seriously or are we just all sitting ducks for people to act out those threats?...<BR>Maybe you will have to talk to a lawyer instead of the department..A lawyer may have more advice on your legal options

nb - thanks! <P>crete - yes, the police are who have told me these things (I live in Alabama) and I don't know if the restraining order rules vary from place to place. I have thought about speaking with a lawyer and maybe just getting them to write a letter of some sort to see if that would have any effect. She's just so crazy I'm not sure what she would do next. I don't think she'd physically harm us but I never would have thought she would have done any of the stuff she's done. We've debated about just not doing anything and hoping she would get tired of bothering us when she realizes it has no effect, but I've started to think it might make her do something even more desparate to get attention. I'm at a loss.

How about hiring a detective? In this area some of the detective agencies use off duty law enforcement officers. <P>L.

Here's what I found on the 'net:<P>Check out these URLS:<P> <A HREF="http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/64693.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/64693.htm</A> <P> <A HREF="http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/13A-11-8.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/13A-11-8.htm</A> <P> <A HREF="http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/30-5a-2.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/30-5a-2.htm</A> <P> <A HREF="http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/13a-6-90.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/13a-6-90.htm</A> <P><A HREF="http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/30-5-3.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/30-5-3.htm</A> <P> <A HREF="http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/12-15-155.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/12-15-155.htm</A> <P> <A HREF="http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/13a-6-23.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/13a-6-23.htm</A> <P>The codes in regard to seeking restraining orders do give the IMPRESSION that they are for violent spouses; HOWEVER, as nearly as I can tell, they do not actually require that the offender be a spouse. See <A HREF="http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/30-3-130.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.legislature.state.al.us/codeofalabama/1975/30-3-130.htm</A> for definition of "domestic or family abuse". <P>I hope this helps, but do check with an attorney.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Lady Clueless (edited April 11, 2001).]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate all the help!<P>Orchid -- se are financially strapped so finding or hiring a detective would be hard on us. (Another thing the OW is aware of)<P>Lady Clueless - Wow! Thanks! I think we will definitely talk to an attorney in the near future or at least be a little more informed when we talk to the police