NB,<P>I don't think of myself as an "Old Timer" yet. I've only been posting since last October. However, I think a LOT of what was said here makes sense. I see a lot of people posting here that have not been through the site or don't really know or care about the MB concepts, and that's SCARY.<P>My wife told me about her affair on September 12th. I found Marriage Builders on the 13th. At first, I read and printed out almost every article here that was written on infidelity. I ordered the books, and my wife and I read them all together. I actually didn't get the courage to start posting until over a month later. I was too intimidated at first and didn't want to sound like an idiot. <P>There are so many here that have helped me out. There are so many posts from some of the real veterans here that I have gone back and looked up hoping to gain some wisdom or insight (K, Lostva, JL, HGBrawner, SKM, Leilana, Peppermint along with many more). I just wanted to thank you all for your support and encouragement. <P>-HD

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HurtingDeeply:<BR><B>NB,<P>I don't think of myself as an "Old Timer" yet. I've only been posting since last October. However, I think a LOT of what was said here makes sense. I see a lot of people posting here that have not been through the site or don't really know or care about the MB concepts, and that's SCARY.<P>My wife told me about her affair on September 12th. I found Marriage Builders on the 13th. At first, I read and printed out almost every article here that was written on infidelity. I ordered the books, and my wife and I read them all together. I actually didn't get the courage to start posting until over a month later. I was too intimidated at first and didn't want to sound like an idiot. <P>There are so many here that have helped me out. There are so many posts from some of the real veterans here that I have gone back and looked up hoping to gain some wisdom or insight (K, Lostva, JL, HGBrawner, SKM, Leilana, Peppermint along with many more). I just wanted to thank you all for your support and encouragement. <P>-HD</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi <B>HD</B>,<P>Okay, you can be a middle-timer (MT!) ... <P>Just wanted to acknowledge your reply and say that you are a "part" as we all are -- you have given some wonderful advice here too about "studying" the concepts first...<P>Thank you!!<P><BR>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited April 15, 2001).]

You know who else we never hear from anymore...Can't remember the exact initials (why oh why do I forget the things I want to remember and can't forget the things I want to forget!! ) His initials were "vmw or vwm",,I think he was emailing to Jim last I read a long time ago. Remember him and his little heart warming stories and inspiring quotes? I miss his posts. Wonder how he is doing? <P>And, of course, my pals, the D99's. Ok now,,settle down. I know he ruffled alot of feathers here but he was so helpful when I first came to this board. I so closely identified to his anger and hurt. He made me understand I was not wrong to have these feelings and I was not alone. There was and is room for ALL on this board, no matter what stage of recovery they are in and I wish he had stuck around. I miss him too and wonder how he is doing.

What about Facing Choices.... I think that was her name.... She had a lot to go thru too...

Mercy...I haven't seen so many familiar names in forever! <P>I read this thread when it first started and I do agree that it seems that the tone of the forums changes from time to time. I also agree that it is a phase. There have been lots of changes in the...let's see how long <I>have</I> I been here?...almost three years now...time since I first found this site. <P>I was one who had already begun the recovery process before coming here. I'm not a "Harley follower"....but since the concepts that MB is based on are time honored, proven concepts, I was already using them. I just got mine from <B>Torn Asunder</B> and <B>The Five Love Languages</B>. <P>I found when I was preparing to leave here a long time ago, that I was taking all of the problems too personally. I was really letting other people's problems drag me down and keep me in a negative place. I left for a while and it turned out to be a good thing. I do have days where I get a little obsessed about coming here to "check up" on people that I'm concerned about, but am able to walk away from it for days without losing any sleep.<P>In reality, I see the benefits of leaving here forever once the marriage has been restored. Staying here, even on an occasional basis, keeps the whole experience much fresher than it would otherwise be. Combined with the work I do with our friend in the marriage ministry and availability through my job and our counseling service at church, it can add up to a lot of emotional strain. But, the positive feelings that come from knowing that I've helped one person hang on to a little hope for one more day makes it worthwhile. I needed that hope and example of success so badly myself, how can I not offer it to someone else?<P>I stay mostly on In Recovery, checking in regularly with Just Found Out and then here on GQ2. I have learned that I simply can't offer something of value to everybody here. There are situations that I can't and won't get involved in. But I do try to be in tune with the ones that I might be able to offer a word of encouragement to and it is really awesome to hear from old friends when they post their updates.<P>There are so many people that became "friends" through our postings here. Who could forget Glenn and Carol.....such a sad ending to their story. I wonder how she is doing today..... So many names and so many stories.....all with that one universal thread. My constant prayer is that this thing called infidelity would be wiped out forever and this site close for lack of business. But we know that will never happen. So, we keep on and try to do the best we can. For myself, I just want to follow what God wants me to do. He gave me the gift of a restored marriage and I want to do whatever He asks to help others make the journey through the valley.<P>It's been good to see so many old friends here.....keep us updated on your stories!<P><P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Oh yeah, there was Facing Choices, D99, Against the Wind, Decision Time, Arik... gosh, who else?... going from pure memory here... Elixer, airheart, hummingbird, New_Woman... so, so many who touched my heart and soul. And remember Glenn and Carol... how many of us have a "flying pig" to remember what true love is <raising hand>...<P>So, so, so many!! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HGBrawner:<BR><B> Who could forget Glenn and Carol.....such a sad ending to their story. I wonder how she is doing today..... <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You and I posted at the same time,<B> HG</B>, and we had the same thought!! Such a sad end... remember how he wrote of the renewal of their vows? I rejoiced with him... we all did... <P><sigh><P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

I saw that when I checked my post....<P>He was a very tormented man for a long time, but I had great hopes for them. I hope Carol has found peace and happiness. I emailed her after she posted about his death, but never heard anything back.<P>It makes me all the more grateful for what I have.<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Okay Nerly<BR>You made me chime in. I miss DG99 somedays. In a way he reminds me of Dr. Phil....Tell it like it is. <BR>Anyone seen cossie? What about Animac?

Happy Easter, everybody!<P>Wow, HD--I got listed in your personal Harley Hall of Fame. I'm so tickled! Thanks, Hon! That was so sweet. But I consider you my contemporary! <P>I have been thinking lately that I was a bit premature in calling myself an oldtimer--"I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!"<P>I'm probably a mid-timer like yourself--just 4 months ahead of you in d-day and coming to this site! I agree with Sheryl that you have given some amazing advice--such conscientious and thoughtful stuff. <I>I've</I> benefitted from you as well! <P>Mutual admiration society stuff going on here! I'd like to send out a big mahalo to everyone here that's helped me along on my journey! God bless you guys!<P>Did everyone see NSR's "oldtimer's" roll call for updates--and if so, have you gone in and done your homework? <P>Remember Oh My Marie? I'm about to email her and give her a heads up on this thread.<P>Have a great evening everybody!<P>Aloha nui,<P>L <P><P>------------------<BR><I>No rain, no rainbows</I>

Hi <B>wassi</B> and <B>Leilana</B>,<P>Sooo wonderful to see you both!!<P>D99 was great. As an OP, I was blasted by him, of course, and my feelings were BIG TIME hurt at the time. Little did I appreciate that he was speaking purely from the reality of pain the betrayed spouse feels-- although I *should* have seen it since I've SO been there in my past-marriage too!<P>Want to see something really scary? Go to the Roll Call and check out the list of names!! Did all those people really post at one time or another? My gosh, there were even a few I'd NEVER seen!! How can that be???? I know EVERYTHING!! tee hee <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

I consider myself one of those "mid-timers" too. I must admit that the first few months on here, I posted alot, but I don't as much anymore. I have gotten busier with work, taxes, spring cleanups, etc. But also, before this post came out, I thought to myself that it is probably a trend here that when you are new, you post alot and answer other posters alot, but after your situation drags on, you enter some sort of coasting state and don't tend to post as much. Is that common?<P>In other words, I figured that people that have been here for a couple of months provide the brunt of help to new members, with veterans chiming in with very valuable advice every so often. Since there are so many new posters, I post when I can, but people I recognize and have many similarities to my own situation tend to be the ones I answer most.<P>I find it easier to help someone that is experiencing similar stuff to myself, because if it is alot different, it is harder to come up with valuable advice.<P>Nice to see veterans having some fun on this post. It is a long one and hard to keep up with!<P>

I think that I'm crossed eyed from reading all <B>11 pages</B> <P>Anyways, it is so refreshing to see all the oltimers. I think 'NB' and 'covenant'(rob) were the first to respond to my initial post. Gosh, I was absolutely pitiful then LOL! Time surely does heal. Thank God I still have my sanity, strength and joy. ANd I owe thanks to all of you who gave me encouragement, put me in check when I needed it, and most importantly your honest and sincere opinions. <P>I love all of you. <P>Hey where's bystander and TheStudent?<P>------------------<BR><B>God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.</B> **edit** [This message has been edited by jamie-lee (edited April 15, 2001).]

<B>HGBrawner</B>, <BR>You hit the nail on the head for the reason I couldn't come here for a long time. I got to the point where I couldn't handle reading another sad story and keeping it with me.<P>I had to heal myself before I could hope to help another soul.<P>Thank you to everyone who has ever "held my hand" when I cried here. I can't tell you how much it has meant to speak to people who have "been there"....<P>I am thankful that I found you.<P>All the best.<BR>--HBC

Hi All..........<BR>I've been gone a week and almost missed the reunion! Thanks to Samantha...I made it. Hi to all the old timers and the new timers.<P>Yes, I'm a lurker besides being a REAL Old timmer. I know that we don't post alot any more, but, ya know what...we talk about this EVERYDAY!!! I E-mail Nerlycrazy and Wassi, we talk, we compare, we listen, we laugh and we cry, we lecture each other!....but we are doing good. <P>I've been in recovery for 3 years now....I am proud to say that My marriage has survived...and very well. I dwell mostly on getting better and better, my husband and I talk now, we clear things up more. I have gotten answers that I couldn't get in the beggining, about us! Good and positive answers that really help, and my husband isn't a talker, I guess I've learned how to pose the questions better... <P>I'm here to say that it can work, a deeper marriage can come from this, there will always be pain, but my husband and I are very happy. <P>I'm ready for a Party like we use to have on the boats.....I've got the carmal corn made, and the Dingy is ready that we put behind the boat for the husbands!!!!! <P>Almost Happy<BR>-----<BR>TIME<P><BR>

Im an oldtimer since 5/99. Just wanted to say hi to everyone and give another thanks to everyone who helped me out! Its great to see all these names again. I come here still but mainly just read. Occasionally I will post a reply to help a newbie. I have also met a couple of individuals whom I gave my personal email and we write back and forth and I try to help them. <BR>To update you all, my h and I are still in recovery and doing well. We built a new home away from the ow. I would have never been able to save my marriage without this site and all of the people who helped... So thanks again to everyone here! Take care all!

Hi, Oldtimers,<P>I am a pretty much newcomer. I was hoping that one of you might hop on over to JFO and look at the post from Paintbox. I just read it and it is so sad. As a newcomer, I really don't feel like I have much good advice. She is pregnant and jfo about her H's A. He has left and is staying at a hotel. I wish I had good advice for her, but I know that you all would do so much more for her. Thank you all for the advice you have given me so far. <P>Thanks,<BR>Window

Hi~<BR>I too am an old timer. I have been here since March 00. I post sometimes, but lurk often. There has been so much support I have received that I have become a better person. I too would have not been recovering if not for this site. <P>With Easter just passing I have to say I would have not spent the day with my husband without all the great people here.<P>I am grateful.<P>Thanks<BR>Judy

Hi <B>Rick37</B>,<P>Yeah, you're a mid-timer!! <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>But also, before this post came out, I thought to myself that it is probably a trend here that when you are new, you post alot and answer other posters alot, but after your situation drags on, you enter some sort of coasting state and don't tend to post as much. Is that common?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>For most folks, yes, it's common, I'd say. Then there are the ME type of people who used MB as kind of a journal of sorts... I go in waves -- post, post, post, goodbye, hello again, post, post, post, goodbye (and on and on)-- I tire of the pain... and then there are some lighthearted posts that pull me back in... and then I venture out onto the boards again and see someone I can "help" and it all begins again...<P>Hello to the beautiful <B>jamie-lee</B>,<P>Yep, there's a LOT of posts here, eh? I am amazed and thrilled!! <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I think 'NB' and 'covenant'(rob) were the first to respond to my initial post. Gosh, I was absolutely pitiful then LOL! Time surely does heal. Thank God I still have my sanity, strength and joy. ANd I owe thanks to all of you who gave me encouragement, put me in check when I needed it, and most importantly your honest and sincere opinions. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>Time does heal for some, but not all... for me, time has tempered the true pain, but you know, I was sitting in the bath thinking about my past year this morning... about how the last OW is my ex's current woman, about how she "hung around" long enough, was patient enough, to wait it out, and now she has what she wanted. I said, last year, that she "hovered like a vulture" and she has... waiting until the marriage was dead and he was willing to give her the scraps... I think it's sad. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Hey where's bystander and TheStudent?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>I have only seen Bystander in the Pregnancy/Child area lately, and not often at that... and Student is working on her dissertation, so is VERY BUSY!! <P>Wow, <B>Almost Happy</B>,<P>That Samantha sure has been an emailing nut lately!! <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>...we talk about this EVERYDAY!!! I E-mail Nerlycrazy and Wassi, we talk, we compare, we listen, we laugh and we cry, we lecture each other!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>Yep, that's how it is for me too... I have had a few GOOD, kind, caring friends I've met here... and in *most* cases, they are in the same position as I am (divorced)... but there are some who are still VERY MARRIED who tried (through my divorce and soon after it was final) to guide me somehow back to David (my ex)... their opinions and hopes for me were very important... quite the support network... and I haven't actually *met* any of them yet!! Amazing and wonderful, really! <P>Hello <B>mickey65</B>,<P>It's been a LONG time since I've seen your name!!<P>You sound WONDERFUL!! Best wishes on continued recovery!! <BR>Hiya <B>window</B>,<P>You have such a kind heart to come here and ask for support for Paintbox... I know what you mean about not knowing quite what to say sometimes... we ALL feel that way!<P>Take care <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bighope:<BR><B>Hi~<BR>I too am an old timer. I have been here since March 00. I post sometimes, but lurk often. There has been so much support I have received that I have become a better person. I too would have not been recovering if not for this site. <P>With Easter just passing I have to say I would have not spent the day with my husband without all the great people here.<P>I am grateful.<P>Thanks<BR>Judy</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi <B>Judy</B>, <P>We were posting at the same time!! Gosh, haven't seen you for a long while either... good to hear of the positive recovery!!<P>Take care, and thanks for dropping by!<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck