My WH seems to be different than most of other WS out there. He wants no contact with me, says he is scared of me and that the guilt is hard on him, he knows that there is nothing he could say to ever fix things. He has such low self-esteem (always has) and I as his wife of 19 years knew that when the "Fog" lifted and he realized what he had done that the guilt would eat him alive and that is where he is now. I don't believe because of his guilt and pride that he would ever, ever ask to come back. One time he even said to someone else, maybe she (me) is better off without me. He is going to counseling, and that is another thing, went to a counselor for a short time maybe 4 visits and now has been referred to another one, what's up with that? I just don't see the coming back even a possibility, we have been in Plan B for 2 1/2 months.

SEF, Is your H still involved in an A? He's the one in Plan B it sounds like. Are you in Plan A?

We have been through plan A when I caught him in the affair the first time back in Sept 2000, and we lived through 6 mths of Plan A, but he started seeing OW in Nov 2000 and in Feb he left. Ever since I have been in plan A and he too. He, I believe is mentally messed up and possibly Bi_polar, as depression runs in the males in his family. Wondering if this is normal to not want or make any contact with BS at all. He calls sons about 1 time per week, but not quality contact, they even say he acts weird. Just wondering if this is normal. The OW supposedly has moved out of town now (2 Hours Away ) and he has told others it is over!! I can't tell since I haven't talked to him or seen him in person only l time in 2 1/2 months.

SEF, I'm no expert. My H wanted no contact with me when he moved in with OW, but I finally got him to break silence and began plan A. I couldn't handle him telling me how much he loved OW and wanted to be friends with me, couldn't "cheat" on OW, etc., so I went to Plan B very quickly after only about a month, my choice not his. <P>Many people have had spouses who wanted no contact, Lora is one who's H had no contact for about 6 months. She and others in this situation have remained in Plan A and written letters to their WSs. In her case, H is back home after 2 yr A. I don't think there's any "normal" here, but almost any situation you have, someone else has been through it too.