I thought thinks were beginning to look great, no conflict for 1 whole month but then I found e-mail. The mailings where not bad but my major concern is that spouse tore off the whole hading so you could not see who they were from or the e-mail address they were sent to. There was also one that had Hotmail on top and page 2 of 3, this too hed no names on it. They have told me that they have only one screen name now but after finding these I am beginning to worry. How do I approach them about this? I know that thhe first thing I will here is the old stand by of "you don't trust me" followed by "I have to have some privacy."<BR> Do I trust them, not totally but then again I am not the one who had the affair. And how much privacy do you need, not to the point of secretcy as they believe.<BR> I also found info on putting a firewall in your computer. I really could use some advice here before I do something stupid and ruin the progress we have made.<P>------------------<BR>Healing in NC

Healing you say "they" told you they only had one screen name now, who are they? I assume you are only referring to your spouse?? What was the content of the email with no heading, was it proof of continued contact, junk mail, a joke, what?<P>As for a firewall, that is to stop people from breaking into your machine, ie. hackers, not to stop or screen email, so I don't understand the question you want answered here. <P>I would definitely ask you spouse about the email if it seems to indicate continued contact with OP. Secrecy is usualy an indicator that there is something to worry about. <P>But if you want to convince spouse to be completely honest then I don't recommend not being honest about what you are doing or have done checking their email and your concerns about it, don't dance around the issue in other words. I would try to be non- confrontational as much as possible, (and really think about what would make spouse defensive and try to find a way to present it without pushing those buttons) but be honest. <P>If you really are still concerned and want to find out what spouse is really doing there are programs out there that will be undetectable and log everything that is done for you if you really want to go so far. Personaly I think it is better if you can work it out without being underhanded and sinking to their level, but sometimes it is needed to find out the truth if it cannot be brought to light by other means. I would leave that for desperation time though as you may see stuff you will wish you never saw.<P>