Dinner conversation:<P>Me: So what is this Neo-Tech stuff all about?<BR>H explains. I keep eye contact. Nod. Make appropriate comments.<BR>Me: So next school year we'll get out about the same time. That will make family time and picking up kids easier on us. <BR>H: Yeah, I was thinking if we get another 5+ passenger vehicle we can switch days as to who drops off and who picks up.<BR>Me: especially since both of us will be taking classes. Maybe we should consider trying to take them on the same day.<BR>H: that sounds good we can get a babysitter and ride together.<P>We continue to talk and I listen. (listening to him is his major EN...)<P>Conversations like this make me believe that if I am patient enough and put it in God's hands, the fog will dissipate and my marriage can take the road to recovery. <P>Later. <P>H: okay, let's look into that house you were talking about. (one I saw that was lease-to-own) We can try to get into it and then later get a second house.<BR>Me: why do we need a second house?<BR>H: So I have somewhere to go....<P>Other times he just leaves me dazed and confused.<P>Tomorrow we start marital counseling. What can I expect? I'm worried about afterwards. Do you take it (the stuff you deal with) home with you? I'm very apprehensive.<P><P>------------------<BR>See each day as a new beginning!<P>Cali

The forecast for the next few months might be 'Patchy Fog' - but at least it's better than 'dense fog' <BR>Keep hanging in there,<BR>((((hugs))))<BR>Paint

InShockinCali,<BR>Good for you that you are going to counseling! I hope you have an excellent session & therapist, if not, there are others out there. Our 3rd was great! (#1 had his own identity confusion, #2 our pastor, good to a point, but our problems dragged on & he didn't know what more to do with us). Be sure that the counselor knows you want to keep your marriage together.<P>One thing that we did after some sessions was to go to lunch, or for coffee and wind down a bit. To share what we thought was really helpful. Depending on what kind of issues you work on, counseling can feel divisive, and coming together in the neutral territory of a restaurant helped remind us we're on the same team. Even if all you can manage timewise is a hug and a "are you ok? Call me if you need to. I love you." in the parking lot. <P>We also at times decided ahead of time what topics we'd like to cover.<P>I really think counseling was a huge part of our recovery, I started with our current counselor about 6-9 months before my H regularly joined me. We tapered off this fall to once every 2-6 weeks, as needed, and haven't been to a session now for about 3 months, though we were involved in a weekly counselor-led group through the winter. But I would call the C in a heartbeat if we had trouble.<P>The best thing for me was that it was a safe place to say the things that when I said them at home, my H would walk out...sometimes as the beginning of a days/week/months long separation. Or if he said them, I'd cry and not hear what message was being conveyed. Our counselor was able to mediate through our issues, and sometimes we met with him individually for half a session.<P>And just remember, even though you let the counselor take charge, if they go off tangent it's ok to question where they are going or to bring up that week's specific issues--the C works for you.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8