I thought I was over snooping but I guess I was wrong and found a suspect bill. I blasted my H and he basically said that we just took 15 steps backward with my not trusting him (??) and that he's tried but can't forget this OW, that he must pursue what's in his heart or else he'll never know, blah, blah, blah (six weeks since d-day and all his cries of love for OW sound so lame!) He also can't live with me knowing that I'm going to be checking everything all the time....wow, and I thought he was coming out of the fog?? I just cried and yelled (major LB's but just couldn't help it. I really don't think there's any hope...

You can never lose hope. Always have faith. Find a quiet place and think/pray.<P>Go nuture yourself. You need it. We must have found out about the same time, because it's been six weeks for me too. (April 25) <P>I am taking Celexa and have found that, while I still cry at times, it is not so devastating. For example, she called his cell while we were in the car this evening...I didn't even comment. (Though I wanted to grab his cell and throw it out the window! I kinda had an Ally McBeal daydream about it )<P>Take care, Terrified...As I have been told many times, you are stronger than you think.<P>((((((((hugs))))))))<P>I am adding this post because I think trying2_4give had some good insight:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009418.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009418.html</A> <P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7<p>[This message has been edited by InShockinCali (edited June 07, 2001).]

<B>he basically said that we just took 15 steps backward with my not trusting him (??)</B><BR>This is one of the lines to put everything back on you because he is not ready to admit (even to himself) that he did anything wrong.<P>Six weeks is nothing. You're just now coming out of the initial shock of it all. It does get better.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Hello chris <BR>Yep you have it in a nutshell. It's much easier to put the blame somewhere else.<P>Terrified. I got trough something like that, when h found out I had checked his cell phone. ANd still we were able to recover.<BR>I'm not saying that this happens in all cases, just that you shouldn't take it personally or feel that all is lost.<BR>It is not. 3 months in recovery h decided to inform me that nothing had changed and he still didn't feel any better about our marriage. This after great times where he was telling me almost everyday that he was happy he had decided to stay.<BR>There will alwys be some ups and downs, and as Chris says, for some time, it is so much easier to throw the blame somewhere else.<BR>Things can change though. DOn't let this one affect you more than what it has to.<P>Meanwhile work on youself, for yourself. FInd things that make you feel better. COllect happy things . WHenever you feel better about you, you have less difficulty dealing with whatver the situation brings.<P>ANd I'll stay here, 'cause I am quite tired.<BR>Many hugs<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>"Each and everyone of us is deserving of a gentle thougth, a kind word and the gift of understanding"

If you & your H are in recovery, your H should be willing to show or tell you anything that is suspicious. He is the one who betrayed your trust and he should be doing everything & anything to gain that trust back...which means...no privacy, whatsoever.<P>In a marriage, there should be no secrets anyway.<P>Chris is right. Your H is trying to turn all of this around and place the blame on you.<P>It also sounds like he is in withdrawal over the OW and won't admit it.<P>6 weeks past d-day really isn't that long. Recovery takes a lot of work, time, patience. This is just the beginning of the rollercoaster ride. Try to hang in there.

It's classic, putting the blame on you to assuage his own guilt! I agree! Don't let it worry you at all.<P>The other day (when I rang WH in tears because I was having a really bad day), my husband said "What do you want me to do? Come back to you out of guilt and be forced to live a lifetime of misery?" .....a 'lifetime of misery!'...where do they get this crap from!<P>Hang in there,<BR>hugs, Paint.