I'm not very good at this am I - I'm soo sorry for posting here and trying to get out of my Affair - but I simply could not - He just left yes *I let him in once again - I feel like crap. But as most of you have said this is a MB site and my "pain" does not belong here!!!!<P>Sorry for being such a disapointment- I will spare you my posts in the future!<P>Ps. Hmmm - havent spelledchecked - But then again who cares?????<P>Take care out there and build!!!!!! <P>I'm too tired and to desillutioned right now - The moment when we wore in eachothers arms speaking about everything between heaven and earth - I'm just TRYING to GET my mind straight - Geeeeeeeeez - If it was easy.....<P>Nevermind!!!!<BR>

HF,<BR>Posts like these need to be on: "The Other Woman" , Gloryb or other pages geared toward the cheating spouse. For those of us that have been betrayed and are trying to recover all you do with posts like these are plant seeds of doubt, reinitiate pain or hurt the WS that are truly moving forward out of the fog and back towards their marriages. Please, have some empathy for those of us in your H's shoes...your sex life...your issues with posts like these are not appropriate for a "Marriage Builders"...perhaps when you actively seek tyo build your marriage this will be the right forum. But, while you are actively destroying, do you think that this is really appropriate or kind?

I'm not even going to say what I really have to say because it will be very harsh and very nasty. So I think I will leave it up to someone else on here. Grrrrrr, I have so much to say and started typing some of it anyway and then deleted it. Someone please speak up and say something before I explode!

HumbleFish:<P>I'd suggest that you stop feeling so sorry for yourself---it's not going to help you do what you need to do.<P>I would suggest that you send your OM a "no contact" letter, that you specifically let him know that you will never see or contact him again. No reference to love you shared---business-like at the best, and if you can make it a bit cruel, do it.<P>Next thing. Tell his wife. He needs to be accountable for his behavior, and his wife can help him there. You could do this with a phone call, or by sending a copy of the note.<P>I can't remember if you are married (I thought not). If you are, your next job is to tell your husband---so that he can help you be accountable. If you aren't married, find a girlfriend who will help you stick with the no contact rule.<P>That's the prescription. You and he are "addicts"---and you're each other's fix. You must separate and get through the withdrawal stages before you're going to feel any relief. That timeframe will be weeks (and probably months)---and any contact at all will severely set you back.

HF:<P>In your posts you have helped WS and BS alike see the perspective of the OW.<P>I don't mean the following to be cruel, but it is blunt and honest: lingering here while perpetuating an affair offsets much of the good you have done providing insights. BS's in particular, and even many WS's (me included), find that your lingering fog is counterproductive to the goals stated by this site.<P>We do wish you the best, but I would heartily recommend finding: (a) good professional counseling, or (b) a site more akin and sypathetic to your problems.<P>There are many, many on this site--BS and WS alike--seeking to rebuild marriages (the stated goal of this site). And while the insights of the OP are welcomed, those that continue their self-indulgent behavior eventually wear out their welcome here.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited June 29, 2001).]

STL- you said it a hell of alot nicer then I would have. I knew that there was someone out there that could say it blunt to the point but not nasty. Unlike me.

Humble,<P>I so rarely post to you, but this one struck a chord.<P>I know you want to be told "poor, poor Humble." And, I am truly sorry that you stumbled. But you made a choice and you let him in...."It takes 21 days to make a habit;" the Harleys books say the first 3 weeks in withdrawal are the hardest....Girl, you have to make it through those 3 weeks...<P>You have to strengthen yourself. As K said, it is an addiction...this will keep going on and on and on unless you become strong and quit saying "poor, poor, pitiful me."<P>You keep coming here, so I don't doubt your seriousness, but like any good 'sponsor' we cannot enable your addiction. We cannot feel sorry for you. This is all ON YOU. OWN IT.<P>Cali

HF,<P>I have been here with you since the beginning.<P>I have never berated you or been unkind.<P>I have reached out to you, hugged you, begged you to get some help and listened to you as you went through the withdrawl from the OM.<P>Please accept this in the kindest way I can offer it: You are not married, you are not here to MarriageBuild, and when you post threads like this, you HURT people. <P>Is this what you want?<P>You must realize that sharing about being "in the arms" of the OM is going to cut to the heart of spouses here trying to rebuild, don't you?<P>Please, please, see a therapist about your depression and go to an AA meeting about the drinking.<P>I wish you peace~~ this certainly cannot be peaceful for you.

Humblefish,<P>You are disillusioned? About what? You have no illations about the situation you are in. You are the OW, helping to destroy the marriage and life of your MM’s wife.<P>Your continued behavior, after all the time you have spent talking to us here at MB has not changed your behavior at all. We have suggested to you all of the strong measure you needed to take to end your affair. You refuse to do those and to set and maintain the necessary limits. There are many, many people here who are hurting and seeking help. You are used the energies of the people on this site to their detriment. Again you are using people for your own selfish purpose at their expense.<P>Your post disgusts me. You dare to come here and exclaim the wonder of screwing another woman’s husband. And then you have the audacity to weakly lament your behavior. Your relationship with this man is not love it is addition. <BR>Please go get professional help. There is nothing of value you can contribute to this site. And the members of this site are wasting their energies on you.<P>Goodbye<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

"So we made LOVE again"....<BR>no u didn't.....making love isn't lies, secrets and putting someone's life at risk, meaning his W, I PRAY U USE CONDOMS!! IF ONLY 1 THING, I REALLY PRAY U USE CONDOMS!<BR>Goodbye HumbleFish<p>[This message has been edited by trying2_4give (edited June 29, 2001).]

God, if only I knew you and that MM I would call his wife MYSELF and tell her what is going on AND copy and paste ALL your posts and send them to her!!!!! If your going to post something like that again...don't bother. You have cried wolf to many times girlfriend and this time it's not going to work. Oh, big ****ing deal you screwed a married man. That's DISGUSTING! You have no respect for yourself, the MM or his wife! How dare you????? And you need to work on your drinking too. Go get some help!!!!!! Your going to need alot! I have some other things to say but I think I have said enough for right now without everyone getting pissed at me saying what I have to say not matter what.<p>[This message has been edited by survivorthruitall2 (edited June 29, 2001).]

Your not here to help you're here to hurt. Well you know what...I wish I could be there when he finally says adios to you and your world crumbles around you. I want to be the first one to laugh in your face and say "HOW DOES IT FEEL?????????" You disgust me! Cry all you want when you read these post. Or laugh all you want, whatever. But who is going to have the last laugh? All of us here on Marriage Builders!<P>Adios!

Humblefish,<P><BR>I just have one question for you. If you and MM are sooooo in love with each other, why has he not left and divorced his wife?? Do you not agree that love has an element of respect about it?? Do you think that this man has any respect for you. You want so badly to think that this is true love and you are meant to be. Sorry the fact is he is using you and you have so little respect for yourself that you allow it to happen. <P>There are a lot of times I have thought about my H affair and feel as though I lost, but your post make me see clearly that indeed I won. I never lost my respect and I KNOW -why because I live it!!! that I am a good person of honesty and integrity. No flowery words or dramtics can replace this. This my dear is why my H is with ME now, why he always loved me, because it is real and true and why no matter what the future holds- as long as I am true to myself I win I win I win. <P>Right now you may feel loss but you might want to really consider what it is you have lost and seem to continue to seek yet never find.<P>Joyful

Joyful:<P>Yes you do win, win, win! Humblefish, however, is--in baseball terms--0 for nothing in the 2001 season.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Humblefish's Original Post:<BR>[Zorweb reminded me of at least one occasion where HF deleted the words to her original post, much to the confusion of everyone trying to post]<P>I'm not very good at this am I - I'm soo sorry for posting here and trying to get out of my Affair - but I simply could not - He just left yes *I let him in once again - I feel like crap. But as most of you have said this is a MB site and my "pain" does not belong here!!!!<BR>Sorry for being such a disapointment- I will spare you my posts in the future!<P>Ps. Hmmm - havent spelledchecked - But then again who cares?????<P>Take care out there and build!!!!!! <P>I'm too tired and to desillutioned right now - The moment when we wore in eachothers arms speaking about everything between heaven and earth - I'm just TRYING to GET my mind straight - Geeeeeeeeez - If it was easy.....<P>Nevermind!!!!<P>[End of Insert]<BR><p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited June 29, 2001).]

Humblefish;<BR>You wrote "I feel like crap". The sympathy level is below sea level at this point. Talk about rubbing salt into fresh wounds. Try to understand our view points. "yes *I let him in once again" should we understand that you are weak or just a gluttin for punishment. <P>Most of the people posting are looking for answers to build and save their marriages, is it too difficult for you to understand that what you are doing is the reason they have even started posting. Don't get me wrong I can understand how difficult it is to say no....but my goodness are you that blind. He had sex with you, not love, he got what he wanted and now he's gone. 'See ya next time baby' Wake up! Even if he does EVER leave his wife and come to you, what makes you think he'll stay with you. Can you trust him? Or better yet, why should he trust you?<BR>Just some thoughts<BR>

HF,<P>I read your post and at first was not going to respond because I didn't want to come across as too harsh or mean or hurtfull.<P>I can tell that you are in pain but it is time for <B>YOU</B> to end the pain. Nobody else is going to do it for you.<P>End your affair. Not for the MM wife but for <B>YOU</B>.<P>Do you really think this man cares about you??<P>As I've said before he only cares about himself. He wants it all! Yes, you make him feel good, if you didn't he wouldn't be risking his marriage to be with you. But, that is the whole point...he is there only because you make <B>HIM</B> feel good. He isn't there to help you or to make you feel good. If he really cared about you he would end his marraige to be with you and only you or he would allow you to be free to find somebody that will be with you and only you.<P><B>Free yourself!!!!</B><BR>Don't allow him to come back into your life.<BR>Mail him a "no-contact" letter. (Don't hand deliver it - that didn't work last time did it?)<BR>Don't answer his phone calls.<BR>Don't allow him into your home if you answer the door to find him standing there.<P>If you really want to end the affair you can do it.<BR>You just have to <B>DO IT!!!!!</B><P><BR>Take care of you and find a good friend that can help you through this - somebody you can call when you feel your resolve weakening.<P>Take Care <P>{{{{{{HF}}}}}}}

Excuse me while I throw up. <blech><P>Okay. HF, Patient Love is right. Everything she said.<P>And yes, these types of posts do hurt us BS's alot. Perhaps if you need help you could just write: I screwed up again, somebody tell me I was wrong and give me a kick in the butt. <P>You get support, we don't feel bad, win/win.<P><blech>, sorry one more for good measure.

I just wanted to add something.<P>A note to the MBers on this thread.<P>How many of us have rallied behind a WS that has "fallen" numerous times?<BR>How many times did people come at my H (Arik) with a 2x4 encouraging him to do the right thing and giving him the support he needed to do it.<BR>I realize HF is not a WS, but she is a person who is having a tough time ending an affair just like <B>many</B> WSs out there.<BR>Let's try and offer her the same support we would offer those people - the kind of support we have offered those people (my H included)<P>That's it.<P>Just something I, along with some other board members, are thinking.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

HF,<BR>Why don't you come on over to my home one day when I am feeling the pain and despair over my husband's actions. I extend to you an invitation to witness a betrayed wife in her husband's arms hyperventalating. I suppose the point I am attempting to make is that it is time to think of someone besides yourself. If this man has a 'true' and lasting love for you, he will divorce his wife and marry you and that action my friend, is the right thing to do rather than sneak around behind her back. In your mind you can rationalize my words into a personal attack, but the truth of the matter is that I have been kindness personified in my dealings with my H's OW. You have received a great deal of support on this board. I extend my support to you as well. I also will be praying for your MM's wife. She absolutely positively DESERVES and has the right as a human being to know what her husband is doing to her. Yes to her.... He is betraying her and risking her life every time he has unprotected sex with anyone other than his spouse. The more you have read on this site the more of a connection you should be experiencing with this man's wife. So the longer the affair goes on, I see you as committing a more direct betrayal of this woman. Any one of us BS's on this board who are trying to assist you could be your MM's wife. Take this as an attack if you must or take this as a wake up call.